ahhh.  now that the studio is 99.99% done, i can relax.  and make some art.  i got 3 canvases done-ish yesterday.  i say done-ish, but what i mean is they're done For me.  these are keepers, and celebrations of finishing this crazy huge task.  one of the canvases really spoke to me in a way that feels like a series.  they are fragments...pieces of memory...pieces of Yet To Come...small meterorites of flotsam speeding across a large canvas.  i'm real excited to see where this goes.  lots to do today, and i feel little errands pulling at my sleeves and pant legs.  i will do 2.

 and here is where i rant.
Now, you know how i've grown tired of retreats, workshops, online workshops, ecourses and any other wisdom-imparting venture that sells yourself back to you...that tell you You Are Perfect (insert Strong, Wonderful, Beautiful, Talented, Peaceful, etc), and offer, for money, to show you how you too can see this within yourself.  I will tell you some secrets, right here for free:  you may not be any of those things, no matter how much you spend...the person selling you (yes - selling.  it is their income-generating business, as much as owning a kabob cart is) these mysteries may not even believe these things about their own selves.  you may never become these things.  and that is more than okay.  (i will get back to that in a minute).  i don't have a problem with people (usually women - why is that?) gathering together around a common thread.  it's the most awesome thing there is to do!  and it's what we are wired to do.  look through some anthropology (the science, not the store) and sociology and you will see that the coffee klatsch has historical roots.  so rock on, ladies who lunch.  What i have a problem with is that most of the imparters of this knowledge have little to back up their ideas about how to un-snafu your life other than their ideas (which they are certainly entitled to).  BUT.  for them, taking the giant leap into faith and quitting their day job in favor of making art, or telling you how to live - well, look before you leap... many have a second family income to steady the ship, or have saved every nickel since confirmation, and have a very soft nest for their egg.  again - i have not one shred of judgement on their choices (and it's not my business, anyway).  what i hate seeing is people (usually women- why is that?) hearing this amazing story, and seeing what they think is a wonderful, beautiful, talented, successful woman in front of them, who's life is smooth as butter and who's life is all cupcakes and glitter because that's what their blog says or their book or their fill-in-the-blank.  and so these listeners, these wanters - they leap.  and sometimes they crash.  and then they feel worse than ever before.  because they are still themselves. (but now they are somehow wearing a tutu and glitter.) (ok sorry)  (i couldn't resist) and that's usually when my phone rings, or my email pings.  and i hear snarkling sobs or terrified tears.  and requests for help.  and please bear in mind that i have no more, or no less to offer than the sellers-of-wonderful.  maybe just a different point of view.  and mine is free.  and now is when i go back to the underlined part:  YOU were built to be YOU.  your physical features.  your psychological makeup.  your likes and dislikes.  your abilities and dis-abilities.  YOU are needed in this world as YOU.  needed in this world as YOU.  can i get an amen?  needed in this world as YOU.  that is the simple truth of life as i see it. break it down:  1) you- yes you.  2) are needed - you have a job, a purpose to fulfill during the time allotted you here.  3) as you - only the person born as YOU with your characteristics can possibly fulfill this purpose.
simple.  however, if you spend your allotted time trying to be something you aren't, then you will have missed out on the great and wonderful things that were waiting.  and your gifts and you-ness may have had a profound effect on someone, and that someone's life will not be touched by you now.  this is not to say that you don't get help for crashing depression or illnesses, etc.  I'm talking about trying to BE what you were never meant to be.  or who.  or being a hater of who you are.  respect yourself.  you are important in the world - you have a purpose only YOU can fulfill.  and in my book, that's pretty damn spanky.