a Tiny description

a full time artist, stepmother, radio personality, and mom to an energetic Chug dog, tries to get through the days without committing a felonious act. My life is a rickety Zen circus.


Tuesday, July 31, 2012

post #2

today is a "despiteful" day... despite wanting to crawl back into bed & pull the covers over my head, i got up.  Despite looking at my studio dig out project and being overwhelmed and walking out the door, I dug in (and it was easier & more fun than I thought it would be!).  despite wanting to nap away the afternoon and evening, i took diva for a pedi and got ready for zumba (despite wanting to skip it).  despite feeling teary-eyed and sad all day, i pushed a grin on my face, and dang if i didn't start to feel better (enough to count!).
I am so intensely looking forward to a movie date with my brother tomorrow afternoon...just us!  we live in the same town(ish) but never get to see each other, and i miss him.
I'm not sure why I feel so discombobulated and tired the past 2 days.  but it has been a struggle through the pea soup, trying to keep my footing so as not to fall into the abyss of icky stuff.  and missing the smell of this is certainly not helping.  i tear up every time i look.  but, i won't be there this year for reasons that just won't be discussed.  My future exhusband will just have to get along without me. :)
but ohhhhh, i can just feel myself on the dock, toes dipping into the water, quiet quiet, my tribe and more.  ok, i have to stop thinking about it now.  
diva is needing some attention, after her tormentation - a pedicure.  oy vey.  she jumped out of the car and hurled.  i mean, it wasn't that bad an ordeal, eh?  the drama.


i have been digging in and digging out for hours today.  two of my friends are going through a similar purge, so whenever i'd feel like stopping, I'd pretend I was doing their house for them & the re-motivation would kick in.  and what an amazing difference already.  i started out the day getting boxes filled to send out, which made the paper purge so so much easier.  (and BTW:  I was wrong on the box price - the shipping is just $5.35 ).  after I got the paper separated - (YES! I am DONE with the paper organization!  Now the boxes wait for adopters to request!) - after the three hour paper rodeo, i decided to empty the garbages in my studio - all 3 bins.  not cans... bins.  huge bins.  tall, large, deep, long bins. some with stuff from my desk that needs shredding first.  soooo....yes.  i DID it.  except for the shredding.  i'll do that later.  and it already feels so light in here.  i'm going to tackle some of the metal stuff i have up here next...there may not be anything to toss, but if there is, then it will go.  wow.  it feels so good to do this!
i'm off to the vet now - diva has a pedicure appt, which despite her nickname, she is not at all happy to comply with.  she becomes wiggles and slippery as a fish, so i gave up.
be back with more later......

PS: I seriously got this comment in my moderation box:

Tremendous! This particular is all I can think pertaining to a blog post like this excellent. This kind of is literally a notably explanatory article post on the blog. You just need to know a lot about this amazing. 

Monday, July 30, 2012

post #3 - digging it

digging it out, that is.  I have a MONUMENTAL amount of very high quality papers - a 30lb tub of them...these came from a letterpress company that had a loading dock full of leftover bits and pieces and boxes of overruns or something...some cream colored, some are very cool envelope liners (never glued into envelopes)...some are heavy cardboard-y and some are just thick paper-ish, some are onionskin... all widths & lengths.  I'm closing my eyes and boxing them up, and out they go to whomever wants them...I'll do little-bit-bigger than VHS-size boxes crammed for $10 (or $17.95 Canada/Mexico).  It's church bazaar/grab bag style...I can't take special orders for color or style, or i'll never ever finish this, but i will make sure everyone gets some cool stuff.  you don't think i'd have any UN-cool stuff, do you??  I would keep this, but y'all, just HOW MUCH paper can a person use in a lifetime?? and i assure you, i will still have enough to cover the state.  so leave me a comment with your contact info, and i'll hook you up.  (your comment won't publish unless i tell it to, and i promise not to publish your contact info). i don't have paypal, so i'll take a check or any credit card.  hurry hurry step right up.

post #2

a view from the nest behind the chair, where Every Single toy has been hidden...

"even my toys!"

this amazing 7-foot painting by Jamie Ashlaw greets me every morning as I head toward the smell of coffee...

yes - you may have noticed, I am procrastinating still.  nothing has been cleaned or cleared.  the dishes remain in the dishwasher.  the vacuum - safe & sound in the closet.  I did paint a little.  very little.  and tried to watch a Japanese movie about sushi (with subtitles), but dozed.  my body is just not in the game today, so i give.  uncle.  i'll make some dinner, then ice my ankles and prop them up on some pillows.  it's the best i can offer to the day today.  i can't budge past my homesickness for this place, so i'll just wallow and hatch a plan.

be brave

(from Melody Ross' Brave Girls Camp)

I'm feeling frustrated and un-tethered the past few days...i start something, then have no interest in finishing it...i think part of this has to do with my house being so disordered, and my desk so disordered, and my studio - well, let's just not go there.  i have an opportunity that requires I send pictures in for jury by tomorrow.  have i even made the object to be photographed?  no.  everything feels overwhelming right now.  despite that, i'm not feeling Bad...just seriously overwhelmed.  a leak somewhere in the part of the house that's hidden in walls and crawlspaces has caused a huge bubble to form in the ceiling.  right near the entryway.  right where a guest would need to walk to get anywhere else in the house.  i suppose you could read a metaphor into that, but it really is just an ugly stain & bubble that needs attention soon, but husband is headed out of town again, so i'll wait & watch. 

 this morning hung onto the night's cool breezes and low temps, making for some CozyCozy time on the couch before dawn, wrapped in a quilt, snuggled by poochie, fingers basketed around a cup of fresh brewed coffee.  i wanted 5am to last all day.  the weather report is promising high 90's again today, and i say Enough.  diva can't take the heat of the day, and our summer has been spent breathing artificial air and snoozing all day (she does the snoozing).  i think today will be a cleaning and clearing day.  as soon as husband pushes off, i plan to spend some time in focused meditation (an oxymoron?) to see where my feet need to travel...to see if i can shake this unease by figuring out what it wants me to hear. then - dancing with the mop.  cleaning cleaning cleaning.  and organizing.  and tossing.  

there is a male cardinal out my window who is desperately trying to impress a female that caught his eye.  tweet-pause-tweet-pause-tweet-pause all day.  All day.  i want to tell him that if she hasn't looked yet, she isn't going to, but nature has it's own way of doing things, i suppose.  they put on quite a show yesterday, with preening feathers and vibrating wings.

ok - off to Becky Home-Ecy land!

wishing you a clear path to your own destiny....

Sunday, July 29, 2012

i need a maid!

my house is a disaster.  my studio is a disaster.  every single place i look in this house - a disaster.  husband and i have been so busy being busy that i haven't cleaned or Cleaned in a looong week.  it's not that we're dirty folk, but stuff piles up...on the table...on the floor by the table...by the couch...everywhere.  so tomorrow is going to be an air conditioning and cleaning day.  and a purging day.  i just have too much stuff STILL in my studio.  but like the people on the Hoarders show, i try to imagine getting rid of some of my rusty metal, and i feel pain.  some of my paper stash?  ouch.  i look at a wall of stainless steel industrial MetroShelving crammed to the limits with stuff, and can't imagine what i'd do without.  so maybe i'll scrub tubs and vacuum instead.  just don't come visit for a bit, okay?  and i'm weird enough about my studio.  i'm not a real "open studio" kinda person.  this room feels sacred to me, and i know that sounds all flighty and oogly googly, but it's the only space that's Mine, and i am uncomfortable sharing it.  except with diva & bulimia cat, of course.  time is really starting to fly toward the november fundraiser, and husband now wants to throw a week trip to Wisconsin in there somewhere.  wisconsin.  he has relatives there.  which would be lovely.  if i didn't have a fundraiser to pull together without white canvas high tops (as yet) and plus, another week away in early October.  i have to stop thinking about it right now.
it is promising to be cool tonight, so it'll be wonderful to open the sliders and get some real air inside.  i love sleeping with the windows open on a cool night.
i went to yoga this morning at early o'clock.  i have to get past the fact that not every instructor is my Clare, whom i love love love.  she spoiled me, that's for sure.
okay - time for dishes.  just wanted to check in quick.  i promise an actual meaningful post coming up!

Thursday, July 26, 2012

a busy day, trying to fit errands in before the Big Storm, which will probably miss us like all the others have.  my lawn is no longer a time consuming task, as it is a burned and brittle mess.  just walking across it risks conflagration.
between making better food choices, and zumba (zumba-cide: death by zumba), I've lost 8 pounds in 3 weeks.  there is a feeling of control now, whereas before, it felt like an alien had taken up residence in my body and was growing & growing & growing.  My mood has changed from helpless to "okay now, let's concentrate on more important things."  i signed up for a hooping class (not to be confused with whooping cough) next month.  ever since i saw a video of a girl hooping with fire on a beach at night, i've wanted to learn (without the fire).  never knew they had classes here! i think, for me, just staying active is the key.  it's so easy to sink into the "me" shaped spot on the couch and get lost in Netflix.  so that's what i'm going to do now - get busy with errands!  hey - i need 30 pair of unused white canvas high top sneaks, asap, and need them for free.  just putting it out there.  they can all be the left shoe or right shoe, de nada.  size doesn't matter.  Zappos has a different giving path this year, Converse and Van's have yet to reply, but i just realized i would need them in the next 2 weeks.  yikes.  so .... say a prayer.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

wisdom from Teddy (Roosevelt, not bear)

to all the nitpickers, naysayers, self-criticizers, self-haters, worry warts, non-tryers, fearful, self-impatient, feeling invisible people...
You are beautiful.  You have a right to be here.  The world needs you as you are.

and now a few words from Teddy:

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. 

The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, 

because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; 

who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly . . .”

Wishing you a day of messy enthusiasms! 
yes!  I'm alive!  hitting a busy streak right now, and working out a lot - trying to figure out a good schedule for that so I don't run to the gym everyday.  Not getting crazy about anything, but it sure feels good to ride my bike by the lake, while husband rollerblades the same trail.  it's something we've found to bond with.  so this morning is crrrazy busy with one appointment leading to another to another...all good & exciting stuff for the fundraiser!! i am lovin' this fundraising!  ok - off now.....have a remarkable day & make it memorable for someone you love, or someone you don't even know.

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

zumba starts with zzzzz

oh, y'all....(wailing & wringing of hands)....zumba.  i mean, really?  who invented this?  satan?  i am directionally challenged, and have the vertigo thing still going on, and never could dance to save my life, so let's mash all the things i do worst together, and throw me into a hot room, yell "go," and see what happens.  it was blasphemy.  sweaty, feel-the-burn, what-the-hell, i will die blasphemy.  but the music was good.  i hung in there the entire hour, only because i couldn't figure out how a person's butt could be so teeny and still support a torso - i mean, the teacher was buff, and could obviously dance like the stars.  and here i was in the back row with the other clods.  someone suggested a BEGINNER zumba class ("spaz zumba") held at the sister club across town.  the next night.  which was last night.  ahhh.  beginner zumba.  sounded right up my alley and not at all fearsome.  i show up.  the teacher shows up.  she is a big girl.  i am happy. the rest of the class tromps in.  the music starts and whoa nelly - what the hell?  i cannot for the life of me figure out the difference between the two classes, other than the teacher slaps her thigh when we're about to change moves, and points in the direction we SHOULD be going.  again, i stay for an hour, but mostly because i'm too dazed to find the exit, and figure i should do something productive while waiting for someone to follow out.  and much like a casino, there are no clocks, so i have no idea when my deliverance will come.  again the music is good.  i fear the last sounds i hear on this mortal earth, however, will be Pitbull and Will.I.Am, which under normal occasions is fine, but not appropriate for your last breath.  this teacher had moves.  i just wanted to lay on the ground trying to suck air and watch.  alas, all things come to an end, and i crawled out the door behind the others.  hey, i got a free t-shirt, though! i suspect it was for the spazziest zumbini.  so this morning's torment was yoga.  i am totally spoiled by Clare, my yoga instructor.  but it's time to spread my wings, broaden my horizons, and try the free yoga class at this gym.  what could be evil about yoga? i say with innocence.  there is a difference in types of yoga...flow yoga, hot yoga, gentle yoga, etc.  the class listings just say "yoga."  (hey Larry -  i got new yoga pants for this class!)  this was not a yoga i knew.  my expectations were this: a mind, body, spiritual experience, while stretching my body and strengthening my core.  what i got: we never not ever stopped.  the music was Led Zepplin Stairway to Heaven and other rockinest stuff.  we never even said Om.  it was exercise-called-yoga...sort of like elementary school fish sandwiches - they aren't really fish, but we'll call it that to keep people happy.  yes yes, i know - i am used to 1 teacher's methods and should be open-minded, but i felt homesick.  exactly homesick.  and now i know i need to go back to Clare.  so after all this torment and chaos and sweat, i set up an appointment for a trainer next week.  oh yes i did.  it's time to figure out all those gruntifying machines.  i'm paying for them, dammit, i'll use them.  and meanwhile, i'm doing laundry every night because the sweat smell is teenager-ish.  tomorrow is a work day, though...necklaces to make!! proposals to write!! a workshop to put the finishing touches on!! it'll all be cool, you'll see.  tonight, a luxury bubble bath.  for Diva, actually.  oh, and thank you for asking - she is doing fantastic! 99.99% better.
time to shower - again - and make dinner (well, Wegmans made it for me already, but i have to heat it up...eggplant roulettes and broiled vegetables).  (and a cupcake, yes, for godssake.  only 2 hours on the treadmill to get rid of it).

Monday, July 16, 2012

wanna go?

on top of being might-break-a-record hot today, i am all over the place with things i need to do.  and not getting any of them done.  drove husband to the airport this morning, and then went to the gym for a bit of treadmill action.  very little bit.  came home to try to get some necklaces done...got all the materials out, then remembered an online class i signed up for started today, so went to peek in at that, and then wondered why i had signed up for it since i had all the skills already, but do love the teacher.  sat down at my bench to drill some holes in some fancy things i'm making for y-o-u, and remembered something else i needed to do, so got up to do that, and thought i should check my calendar quick before i sat back down, then remembered an email that HAD to get out today, which reminded me about a snail mail request i HAD to send out, but realized I didn't have all the paperwork i needed, but figured i would get an envelope ready, and when i went to get the stamp, figured i'd grab lunch or a cup of coffee but absolutely not any of the dark chocolate & caramel chex mix left over from the block party because it would cost me 90 minutes of heavy labor on the treadmill, but did have a sensible nosh before coming back upstairs to the studio. and then feeling more out-of-sorts/amy winehouse-ish, i decided to check the movie listings, figuring i could gorge myself on popcorn in a cool theater and escape my clear lack of interest in work today, and found Moonrise Kingdom playing about 40 minutes from my house.  so now i wonder if my brother wants to go?

Sunday, July 15, 2012

yesterday was our annual block party.  there are 12 houses on our cul-de-sac, and 3 of those houses are new-ish neighbors.  we usually get together mid-september, timing it to the date when the local boyscouts have their lobster sale, but this year i felt it was important for everyone to meet and have the summer to become friends.  we have a soup party planned for winter, also.  (everyone brings a different soup).  it was hot.  Africa hot.  and the grill going full time didn't help.  one neighbor had a giant inflatable water slide for the kids, which kept the whining (from them) down, but as the afternoon wore on, and the slushy adult beverages disappeared, a few of us them wanted to rush the slide.  fortunately for the inflatability of the slide, that would have required standing up and moving, so the adults stayed put.  i have to say i really enjoy my neighbors.  we all have each others garage door codes, and look out for one another.  it takes a cul-de-sac to raise a child, and each one of those kids has a safe haven at their pick of houses on the street. (some have better snacks, though).  It felt nice to just relax with people I've known for 11 years, and catch up with some of them.  husband leaves for chicago tomorrow, then somewhere else the week after.  it figures that when we finally start re-establishing our love and marriage bonds, his travel schedule heats up.  maybe that's why we're getting along!  tomorrow is the only day i don't have appointments or full phone days scheduled for the fundraiser, so i plan to hit the resin.  having a blast making these necklaces.  one of my vendors asked why i needed such a large order of their material, and i told them what i use it for.  they are now going to carry some of my necklaces!  cool beans.  more about that after the deal is sealed.  meanwhile, a sleepy, peaceful day - napping, laundry and not much else.  the circle is cleaned & cleared of tables and pop tops and trampolines - any food bits carried away by crows and raccoons.  the hot spell continues with rising humidity that hints of a cooling rain, but never delivers.  diva is desperate for a Big Walk, but can't manage it.  our out time is the crack of dawn, before the sun is fully awake.  or after the sun sets, which is a few degrees cooler, but not by much.  i love warm days and very cool nights.  (not this warm, tho).  looking forward to finding a cool night.
ok - off to laundry land.

Thursday, July 12, 2012

bodies bodies bodies

i've always  tried to walk a fine line inside myself, between total acceptance of my body and wanting to tweak a few things.  my recent weight gain that accompanied quitting smoking made this more of a tug of war than a walk on a fine line.  it's funny because i have never looked at another person and thought anything about their size...only their actions and intent and spirit.  but here i am, heavier than i've ever been, and growing by the day, it seems.  and i feel a certain amount of frustration that my size is even on my radar - i'm too busy to have to think about whether or not last week's new jeans will fit, or if i'll ever find a bra to fit.  and i just don't want to think about those things - they have never been that important to me.  and i'm noticing a funny thing - sort of a perfect storm of self-awareness issues.  on top of my theory that women become "safe" and "invisible" after a certain age, i now find myself feeling like i should explain my weight gain.  i catch myself and don't, but feel like whenever i shop for the next size, i have to tell the clerk that "i used to be a size 2, then a 4, then a 6, and then quit smoking and went from a 6 to a 14 lickity split."  all one fast sentence like that.  like she could care.  but it's almost like i have to prove my worth - let her know that i was once like her, or some such nonsense.  even at the gym last night...it's a nice family-type atmosphere (with nowhere near enough AC for us menopausal types), yet i felt uncomfortable at first as i stepped onto the treadmill.  all around me, teen girls were sweating and running on these hamster wheels for humans, but i started at a leisurely pace, imagining they thought "how nice that this old woman is doing something healthy."  keeping these defeating and bullying thoughts at bay has been my lesson these past few weeks.  i have always been accepting of myself, and never owned a scale.  i have never looked at another and thought they were too thin or heavy or fill-in-the-blank...so why the issues now?  add to the mix that i'm working on a fundraiser for an eating disorder resource center, and you have the recipe for clearing some inner space.  so here's my challenge to myself, and to you, if you feel so inclined:  go here and print out this manifesto.  pin it to your wall, and to your heart.  leave a comment here, if you'd like, telling the world that you accept and love yourself.  because i accept and love you.  and i happen to have good taste :)

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

2 words

2 words that will change your life:
Ticklebelly Cupcakes.    num num num num.
Everything changed the day she figured out there was exactly enough time for the important things in her life.
_Brian Andreas, StoryPeople

it finally happened...i joined a gym.  yep.  my intention last MARCH had been to join the zumba group that uses the space where i worked (after we closed, of course).  but not so much.  and just saying "i went to zumba" felt so 50's suburban mom-ish, like zumba is the new mah johng.  so after a dinner of tri-colored tortilla chips and iced tea, i realized this madness must stop, and i hauled my ever-expanding pooter down the street to the fitness center (my correction - it is not a gym).  They have yoga and PiYo and machines to Pump You Up and it seemed like a fun family place - no pretty boys roided up to the hair follicles expelling overly loud groans and attempting to lift the building's weight in steel.  mostly people like me, and they seemed friendly yet intent.  but it was hot in there.  real hot.  i was sweating while i filled out the paperwork.  it was explained to me that "the AC must be broken and they were fixing it."  so you're not sure if it's broken, but you are sure they are fixing it?? i know how these things go, so yes, that was me who wrote "contract null & void and full refund will be issued immediately if AC not fixed prior to 7/12/12.  Refund to be issued on 7/12/12" and made them sign it.  they thought i was kidding.  at first.  i'm as serious about my money as they are about working out, and there is no way i would go work out in a rain forest of humidity, and i tell you - there were clouds forming in the treadmill section.  and fitness centers are notoriously cranky about issuing refunds of any sort.   besides, consumer protection law gives me 3 days to change my mind, so it was a warning shot to them that, yes, i am expecting big things from y'all.  like AC.  and clean machines that aren't slick with the last person's sweat and who-knows-what that creepy crawled out their pores.  people, come on.  yes, i have a germ thing, but would you  want to roll around in a stranger's sweat?? and there it is, item #4 on the rule sheet - "thou shalt carry thy towel with them at all times."  or similar.  not an exact quote there.  now, i may be one of those people who has all intention of going every day, every other day, whatever, and end up just hanging my clothes on the membership (like all the fitness equipment that's come and gone from this house) but for 2 weeks, i will be that person.  and if it kicks starts my metabolism, so much the better.  but i may be the person who decides moderation will win the day.  or i may just pop something in my head and expire on the ab flexer (which beats dying in Kmart or Golden Corral).   so this fitness center is open 4am-midnight, so nary a chance of missing their open hours..."darn it!  i keep missing you by 5 minutes!"   not so much.  so i woke up this morning at 5:45-ish, ate breakfast, fed the animals, and here i am with coffee and you.  i plan to take a yoga class at 10:30 this morning, and then treadmill for an undetermined amount of time.  just walk on the treadmill.  because it will be too damn hot to walk outside today, and it better be snowing-on-my-hair cold in the fitness center today.  
i started a painting yesterday that is at a point where it is trying to kill me, so the treadmill should give me some zone-out time to plot against it.  art is a conversation - and sometimes the artist needs to converse with the medium in rather loud and harsh tones to get it to realize who's the boss of the brushes.   but in the end, you know, the paint always wins, so maybe i'll plot against something else instead.  organize a coup or something.  against who/what to be determined.  maybe just sell my method on dvd.  okay - off to sweat.  say a prayer.

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

well, my intentions were good: clean the house top to bottom (including the load of hand wash dishes, while we wait for a replacement dishwasher), do all the laundry, organize my studio, and generally clear the decks and the niggling things that distract.  then create art.  oh, and design a booth for an upcoming vendor show i want to apply for.  oh, and make plans for a movie this week, and maybe dinner with broseph.  but just those things.  except yoga, and maybe finally checking out zumba.  and my dentist appointment wednesday.  just those things.  nothing more. except for a 1pm webinar. but that's it.  a week to paint, with the house to myself. except maybe my self-created to-do list ran on and on and on.  so, here it is 10am, and i've been up for hours and haven't done any of it and my studio is a distracting mess.  i have a choice - start the to-do list and get nothing else done before yoga, or just crank the ipod and paint.  i will have a snack, take my chantix, and paint.  dishes will wait, laundry never seems to go away, maybe painting will help me think of a booth design, everything else can wait (and it will!).  time to test out the cauliflower-blue cheese quiche-y thing i made last night.  early tiny tastes proved quite strong tasting, but i'll let you know.  at least it looks somewhat edible, which is a good start considering only part of the recipe had actually printed, and i couldn't find it online again, and there were water spots that may have changed the amounts of the visible ingredients.  so okay - i'll live wildly.  can't be any worse than my famous Chicken Salmonella.  even the dog walked away from that one.
 be bold, be brave, say "yes" more often, and ask yourself this: why not?

Sunday, July 08, 2012

catch up

Missing this view:

but loving this one, all the same....

just finished this book, and I recommend it wholeheartedly...

these hot days have demanded some frozen refreshments....

the view on my studio windowsill....

*sigh* my messy studio needs some work, but i've been busy busy busy using it as a studio!  (this is just a slice of it, unfortunately)

taking the week to cook good food, re-start my yoga, check out zumba, and continue to not smoke.
still smiling over our anniversary dinner last night...11 years (yow!)
we got married here...
and come back each year for dinner. 

Thursday, July 05, 2012

Saturday, no - wait, it was tuesday...my days are all mixed up because of the mid-week holiday...so Tuesday I bought an incredible book... "This I Know," by Susannah Conway.  I met her a few years back at an art retreat in the piney woods of New hampshire.  No, I didn't sign up for her workshop.  it was all about unraveling your heart, or some such nonsense that i was waaay beyond in my life.  waaay beyond.  so i read that she had a new book out, and decided to give it a look, just because i had met her.  i sat down in the bookstore with a spiced chai latte and a biscotti, and the book.  no, i did not make it through the introduction before the whole throat-tightening, teary eyed thing grabbed hold, which can only mean that i may be getting a little close to a truth that my head doesn't want to acknowledge, but my heart does.  buy the book.

new topic:  after bitching about never going anywhere or doing anything as a couple, and feeling so incredibly single and disconnected from my husband, we have decided together to make an effort to do things together.  yesterday we listed them, and i have to say we've done good...movie, Cirque du Soleil, NYC, neighborhood BBQ, baseball game with BBQ and fireworks, and this weekend is our anniversary and kayak trip.  this may not sound like much (and the baseball was a definite payback for all the museums in NYC), but for 11 years, we have done very very little together.  between dog responsibilities and kid responsibilities and his travel schedule vs. my work schedules, it has been a losing battle, and honestly we really didn't try too hard to make it work.  but i am determined, and will do things by myself if he isn't inclined.  but i think the door has been opened.  and whereas before i always felt that i had to use "my" money to do things (like art retreats) i realize that is one of the ways a wedge develops between us - keeping track of who spent what, etc.  (i told you it's been a separate and parallel time).  fingers crossed.

ok - the studio is almost cool enough to work in....bath time for diva dog, then hit the paints!

Sunday, July 01, 2012