a Tiny description

a full time artist, stepmother, radio personality, and mom to an energetic Chug dog, tries to get through the days without committing a felonious act. My life is a rickety Zen circus.


Monday, February 22, 2010

what an amazing weekend...husband sick, so he snored on the couch clutching his new remote...i made some amazing jewelry (i must say) that I'll be marketing under the name of Posey Nine. diva cooperated by being a good studio dog (after a looong walk early on)...i got to have a very nice chat with a real live fairy...and when i ran out of gas, i watched a netflix - Departures. amazing! oy - i've said "amazing" a lot haven't i? well it all was. and i highly recommend the movie. it's in Japanese with subtitles. after about 10 minutes, i swore i understood Japanese. bring kleenex. husband is gone for a few days, so it's quiet. i'm reading a great book (ha! thought i'd say amazing again!) called Co-Dependant No More. pretty enlightening. I'd give it to mom to read, but that would only prove I was co-dependant. i'm itching to travel, yet feeling very cocoon-y. i'm feeling Santa Fe-ish, although i've never been there...just feel like i want to slip on some comfy jeans, cowboy boots, a denim shirt and hang with some cool artists. except i don't have any comfy jeans, and my red cowboy boots would get me hooted out of the state. plus, i don't know anyone in Santa Fe. but aside from that, that's what I'm feeling. That, and bunnies. rabbits. for the past month, my crows have been replaced by rabbits...everywhere. and not the easter variety, although the timing is curious. according to a friend of a friend, rabbits mean (among other things) "keep your eyes open for an opportunity that will come & go quickly." quick like a bunny, as they say. so i have both eyes peeled - just in case. i could use another opportunity - i'm getting burned out on this work thing. it's not like i feel resentful for having to work, or that i'm missing out on a luscious art career, it's just that i'm getting older and tireder. plain and simple. it gets harder to get out of bed at 5am, that's for sure...especially when there's a cuddly little dog wanting a belly rub. but...it's good to have a job. and i respect my free time so much more. so there it is. but right now, i have a furball with a jinglebell ball begging for attention, so sweet dreams y'all.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

hold sides and guffaw

oh y'all...i am writing this through tears...and trying to hold back a volcano of guffaws - no outright gasping laughter. and ok - i will say up front that you will know i am a mean girl after reading this. or maybe you can relate. after an incredibly strenuous few months of swooning over flat panel TV's, my husband finally bought one. it will be here next week. now, what's the point of a bigass spanky new TV without digital, right? so he signed up for digital TV. which means a new box. AND a new remote. that brings the total to 4 remotes. he has been setting this up for hours HOURS now, blown the fuses once, smelled something plastic=y melting-like once, swore countless times, and has been reduced to muttering things like "video in? cable in? WTF" all while wearing his coalminer hat with the LED light on it while stuffed behind the TV armoire. so far, we got a Spanish version of American Idol and a blank screen. and add into the mix that he is sick. of course he feels worse than i did...he is a man. so that is why i am taking special delight in this. i watch very little TV, so our old TV was fine with me. but he wore me down with his Wanting Of New Technology. and he was frustrated because there was no justifying argument he could make to me, since i truly didn't care, and would point out how many weeks of college a new TV would pay for for his children. when he got a letter advising him that he inherited some money (a small amount - just about the same amount as his Dream TV), i urged him to just Buy The TV and hush. so many many websites and shopping trips and conversations with bored salesclerks later, his dream will be realized next week. for now...the pleasure is mine.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

i am so grateful for these past few days of restfulness and creation...i've finished 3 paintings, and am working on a sea-inspired necklace, finally using techniques i learned last fall...it's delicate and lovely and wonderful! i only wish for more time, more days to let my spirit soar and my mind & body rest. so, i will use my remaining time to get a chunk of the necklace done, then tonight - left brain - i start my calculus course. i've sharpened all my #2 pencils and prepared snacks and practiced my best swear words. all set. remember when math was just numbers, and they didn't drag the alphabet into the whole mess? xoxL
ok y'all...i will try to get a slideshow up for you...my day off yesterday? better than planned. went to the gallery to see the show, bought some art that moved me to tears. picked up an INCREDIBLE woodcut that i traded for some of my art (each of us insisting the other got ripped off). made leek soup and swordfish for dinner. painted 2.5 paintings (YES - i painted!). today i will finish the .5 part of the other painting, and make a necklace...something ocean-y is calling me on that. then i will pray to Jesus that i win the lottery so i can stay home friday too. i know He wants me to win...i just keep picking the wrong numbers. He must be very frustrated with me. you pray too. L.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010


From the Delavan show..."Linda Esterley was an artist in the gallery’s Fiber Art show last year. Her unique use of Australian Merino wool, silk and yak in her over-sized, form core mounted art are the pieces I think of when I think of Linda. She has turned a corner for this show by doing assemblage, not your typical sculpture or fiber piece. Her art is more playful, with her use of jewels, antique items and some text with photos. It’s fun to discover hidden details. All of Linda’s art seems to invite the viewer to touch." And..."The assemblage pieces by Linda Esterley were another favorite of mine. The combination or assembly of old antique items, are a very different and sometimes unexpected artistic direction. But the viewer can see how meticulous the artist is in her placement of the objects. The story behind the pieces is a subject of curiosity—haunting, but beautiful—especially when the artist’s original intention is not directly stated." NOW - get thee to the show...i went...i weeped openly at some of the pieces...yes, i bought. it's that good. L.
yes - it's almost 9am. yes-i am sitting at my diningroom table, bathed in beautiful sunlight, watching little flurries of snow fly about doing their business. i just took Diva for a walk, so she's happy. stayed up way past my bedtime last night, did not turn the alarm on, and am reveling in a vacation day...the first of 2. my body needs rest. my mind needs rest. i need to reconnect with my essential self. there are 1000 things i want to do, but don't want to overload myself with, well, things to do. i want to be gentle with myself today, but not spend another day laying under the covers on my comfy couch. i have this plan: after breakfast, i'm going to the gallery to actually see my show. then to the art supply store. then back into the studio after this long break from creating. and just mess with stuff. yes - i will play. one thing i will not do is: SCRATCH. the itchies are 99.9% gone, and the spot or two that does itch, are down to a manageable, ignorable itch. today is mine. i will not make any big decisions or make myself "accomplish something big." i will rise and i will shine. after that - it's all gravy. the biggest thing i plan to do is clean yark off the carpet. kitten's at it again. so, i wish you each a day filled with blissful nothingness and peaceful wanderings. xoxL.

Monday, February 15, 2010

i am in hell HELL i tell you. it's like, did God say "hey - remember that deal with Job? let's do it again. Yeah!" every EVERY square cell of my body itches in flaming crawling itching madness. Every nook and cranny. my armpits are raw. i am looking for barbed wire right now to hang on the wall and scrape against like the bovine do. i now have 4 prescriptions - 1 that promises to calm things down, but alas will cause vomiting, so another one to help with that and another for who knows what and a case of Aveeno oatmeal bath. that's the funniest trick of all...my tub is muppet sized. i am not. but i was game for anything, so i filled it with tepid water and colloidal oatmeal treatment. the dog ran downstairs shreaking, thinking she was about to get baptized. the cat, however, was intrigued. i got into that tub like Mrs. Gumby all scrunched and twisty, trying desperately to keep all parts wet ...the water did calm things, but some parts had to be exposed in order for other parts to dunk. have i ever mentioned how much i've always hated the tub that came with this house that we haven't updated since we bought it which would make all things inside circa 1970 brady bunch? so i somewhat lay in a harvest gold tub made for bathing a gerbil, twisting...no writhing...and kitten is sitting up on the towel cabinet looking down at me, interested in the splishing noises, and thinking i was possibly playing the foot-moving-under-the-covers game and she is ready to launch. now, the only thing i would hate worse than whatever has befallen me at this juncture in my personal moment of hell would be: kitten launching into the tub and realizing it was actually water WATER that softened her landing, doing a 180 re-launch that would make NASA proud, and leaving me looking like i was attacked by massive swarms of very angry hornets AND a bobcat. so the nirvana of the whole tub experience completely escaped me. i got out, tried to gently towel off, but wanting to grab each end of the towel and drag that bad boy across my welted skin till i lost real blood and thankfully died right there...unshaven legs and all. my yogic breathing has failed me. my lamaze breathing has failed me. screaming deep indigo epithets at the tub and surrounding space has failed me. i am a lumpy, welted, itching miserable failure right now. and if all this wasn't bad enough...the tub, which used to fill with enough water to cover my stomach, must now be more shallow. it is somehow holding less water, because right there in front of me was the great rocky mountain sized, stretchmark covered, very very pale area between my navel and my girls. this used to be a fruited plain. once, long ago, it was a fertile valley. but now by God, my abdominal region has risen above the colloidal oatmeal line of demarcation, taunting. my misery is complete. L.
i'm not sure what is going on with my body, but i feel like a thousand red ants were turned loose on me...all night Scratch Scratch Scratch...some deviant allergic reaction to something...the whole rashy bumpy gorgeous looking ITCHING stuff all over, including my hands. can i just get a health break here?? i itch in places obvious, and hidden. last night my lips swelled up like Angelina Jolie's. now - can i keep that part? oy vey. so this week, i plan to finish off the studio and get cracking on some art. i would write more, but i just want to get in the shower with my bath poof and scrape away at the itchies. L.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Ta Da!

Please welcome a brand new blog into the world... go here and meet the fabulous Elizabeth ...now, the picture you see is not a painting, it's felted. yes FELTED. did i tell you Mad Skills?? Please stop by and say hi often...read her bio...you will want to know her - trust me. Happy Valentines day y'all....i send you twinkles and inklings of love and things about to become. L.

Friday, February 12, 2010

i cannot wait to introduce you to Elizabeth Moldenhauer! I first met her at a fiber show i was in at the Delavan, and since then we've planned to get together many times, but my schedule became unpredictable, as usual. tonight i finally made it - stopping by to unload some roving. can i say...this woman has mad mad skills with roving?? oy. may i never felt again i'm so ashamed compared to her work...and prolific - oy vey...vessels and rugs and felted paintings (think Paris street scenes and incredible cityscapes and landscapes) and baby booties and scarves and beaded felted things too beautiful to look at for long, lest you weep. oh and upholstery and pillows and all manner of custom designs and painting mixed with felted areas. and AND...her passion for her art just glows out at you like a soft beam of moonlight...the hair on my arms just stood up as i listened to her talk about working with roving and felt and design. she embodies the Earth Spirit. she's working on a blog, website or some electronic thing, and will be featured here as soon as it's going. but meanwhile, trust me. New topic: if you get a second, send Judy Wise a card. see her blog for details. as for me - to bed with my stuffed head. and tomorrow the mechanic fairies will hopefully restore heat to my car! yippee! Linda

Tuesday, February 09, 2010

home again...can't really put my finger on it...just mostly yukky in the chest and my voice is gone. the thing is, i feel mostly fine. just sound a bit like Kermit's older brother. much peace and warmth to you today....Linda

Monday, February 08, 2010

taking a bento break

you may not know this secret about me: i am nuts about bento and sumo. it's true. so while i'm taking a break from the purge (see post below), i found this site ...shopping for Japanese bento boxes on a French website with a Spanish name....perfect. and they say I'M a bit off. L.

the Great Purge

i have been working up a sweat in my studio...purging, organizing, throwing out this, boxing up that for someone who i know wants it...etc. much dust has been kicked up...old dust....and i found myself voiceless and congested today, soooo - a sick day to finish the job was in order. and aside from having everything neat and organized again, there's been a bonus to all this work...a redefining of myself as an artist, and also of what type of art makes my jets fire. i have boxes of silk painting supplies and latex and mould making supplies and plaster and beeswax and, you get the picture. all very different from each other. so it was no wonder that i approached my table confused! one of my favorite shows on TV stars the guy from Hell's Kitchen, but in this show he goes into failing restaurants and turns them around. one of the most common mistakes they make (besides cockroaches in the refried beans - no lie) is the menu is too large and varied for the chef to keep control of. it dawned on me that my studio, and approach to art was the same. (the menu part, not the cockroach part). so as i purge, i'm seeing and feeling what excites me...is it the lineup of Golden acrylic tubes? the (now) neat stack of specialty papers? the (now organized) magazine images and drawings set to collage? the rows of candy colored roving? and in that almost-meditative purge i am re-welcoming my creative spirit back to a clean space where it can speak without all the extraneous shouting from the materials. in the past artless months, i've actually imagined some beautiful pieces. and now i realize that in order to being them to life, i have to give them the proper space they need, and to narrow the choices of materials. sounds counterproductive, eh? but not so. if i know i can only work in, say, fabric, then i'll construct the mental imagine accordingly. if i have a choice of painting it or sculpting it in plaster or metal or assemblage or fabric, then the choices are too many, and nothing will get done...i'll spend more time trying to decide the materials, then lose interest in the project because i'm frustrated before i even begin. so there's been a lot of learning about myself art-wise, and otherwise. my mentor, Wendy Ellertson, has a series of pictures of her 9-foot dragon on her blog...amazing! yes ...9 FEET. click on her link to the right and check it out! we have gentle snowflakes falling here. the temp is in the low 20's, which is an improvement over the past few days. diva is resting after her walk. we went through an evening and half day today of re-establishing her routine. that involved much button-pushing and wolf-howling, but she's settled in again. i woke up this morning to her furry little head pressed against my cheek, sharing my pillow. i ask you - how am i supposed to go to work and leave that precious moment behind? L.

Sunday, February 07, 2010

wimmins weekend

so i survived the wild & crazy weekend with mom. 2 gals on the loose in the yarn aisle of Hobby Lobby...whoo hoo! i can't remember what we laughed so hard about on saturday, but one of us was glad for a bathroom close-by. all-in-all, a very nice, quiet boring day 1/2. no TV, just naps & knitting. oh, and a lobster dinner. mom told everyone we met that we were on a mother/daughter weekend. and OH! i saw this yarn that has aloe impregnated in it, so your hands & feet get all soft if you make gloves & socks from it. and i was going to buy some and mom got all nasty about it, saying it would be slimy, etc. so i told her to get right with God or i'd leave her there. so we went back to the hotel room with threats and recriminations being volleyed (oh - that's what we laughed about so hard about), and she opens her suitcase and pulls out a giftie for me me me...gloves & socks made from aloe yarn! and they are lovely. i wore them all day. hard to knit with them on, but oh so nice! so then i came home. having reclaimed diva from grampee. and i got energized and got busy on re-doing my studio. last night i did some thinking about my studio and why i'm not so excited about it, and i looked through a copy of Where Women Create, and realized my studio has gotten overgrown & weedy. i have Stuff on top of Stuff behind more Stuff. and some of the Stuff i don't even use anymore. so ...out with the Stuff. i worked for 3 hours and have 1 shelf done. oy. but it feels good, because even as i touch the Stuff, i remember what it feels like to create. and i'm excited to finish blasting through and get going. a few important changes...i'm turning my worktable 180. this will free up a ton o' space between the shelves and the table, and more freedom of movement on the other side. i'll lose one working end, but my sewing machine is built into that end, so it's all cool. and then...painting the walls and new curtains. i may put curtains across the shelving area. not sure yet. so can i possibly be more boring in a post?? i'll just stop now and spare you! wishing you the Best Week Ever! Linda

Saturday, February 06, 2010

come on, get happy

...to quote the Partridge Family (oh just google it if you're too young)...i'm up early and tripping through some blogs and found this: The Happiness Project. it sounded like it might be another sight with pie-in-the-sky dreamy, wishful, someone else's life stuff, but it's funny and meaty and doesn't make you feel worse for reading it! there's even a toolbox! and it's not a self-help serious thing. just fun. check out the toolbox. new topic: this is the Weekend Of Mom. in just about 3 hours, i'll be picking mom up for Part Deux of the Summer Of Mom....you may remember 2 years ago, i went part-time at my job in order to spend more time with mom. each of us thought the other was very ill, although typical of our family - neither mentioned it. so we decided that we'd take wednesdays as ours, and explore our worlds and each other. and i fell in love with her. i still get very aggravated, but feel heart-connected anyway. and i learned to let people just be. so, for my birthday this year, she gave me 12 days...one a month set aside for just us, and a planned activity. today's event is actually a 1 1/2 day event...we are entrusting diva to grampa (i am trusting God and angels to watch out for her) and mom & I are going to a secret hotel location for a pajama party. just us. and bath bubbles and yarn and books and a sack of apples. we're going to knit ourselves silly and do whatever we want. no obligations. Amish paradise, eh? i've been looking forward to it in a crazy way for weeks. we were originally going to bring diva, but her tummy is still a loose cannon...mostly better, but why tempt the Potty Gods? and it wouldn't be fair to her to have spent a week at grampee's then get dragged somewhere new with new things to bark at All Night, then home. and honestly, although i miss her wet little nose and furry belly, i need a day without obligations. now, before you picture a tropical location, realize who you are dealing with: a recovering agoraphobic, and an enabler. so we will be a scant 5-10 minutes from home (depending on traffic)...just in case. but it's still Away From Obligations. and it's still time together. so it counts. even though the location has caused my brother no small amounts of smirking and smiling. new topic: the fog has lifted in my brain...i guess i didn't realize just how rundown my body was from fighting this infection for so many months. i feel so much more energetic and happy. my body can concentrate on serving me better in ways i want it to, rather than marshaling it's forces against germies. i walk into work and greet everyone with "can i tell you how good i feel?" Throughout the day i'll get emails from people "how do you feel today?" just so they can get one of my typically non-serious replies. "crazy good...good like finding a case of dark chocolate candy with almonds and raspberries" "good like realizing you get an extra vacation week this year" "good like accounting realized they underpaid you for the past 3 years, and a make-up check is in the mail." you get the point. and my Secret Cupid project is going hilariously well. many cases of whiplash in the office, as people scour the corners and countertops while trying to look casual. "OH! was that a secret bag? nope just a folder." and the bags are turning up in some Very Interesting Places. in fact, there are some that probably won't be found for a while! i just realized i'm rambling...too much coffee + excitement. so off with you to your own lives. L.

Thursday, February 04, 2010

the skinny

finally practicing self-care step #1 ...on antibiotics for a raging UTI ...feel better than I have since October...really really better! shoulda taken care of this biz sooner! now step #2 ...to bed early to help healing body, well, heal! Linda

Tuesday, February 02, 2010

attention bead lovers

My longtime friend, Rika, just opened up an etsy shop jammed and packed full of beads. go here and drool. i've known her since i was 16-ish (although she is still 21) and she is as warm & wonderful a person as she is a fabulous hairdresser. And her obsession with beads and beadwork grew into a storefront a few years ago. now - ta da! her etsy shop! go now and buy a lot! also check out Swirly's new notecards *swoon* gotta have them ALL! ok new topic. i have the house to myself, and had no need to rush home - diva at grandma's, husband - somewhere in the U.S., stepson in a time zone far away. kitten could care less if i'm here. i had Great Plans for many stops on the way home...an adventure! nah. ended up i left work late and came right home. you will be proud though - a bubble bath awaits! how utterly girly. i usually sit for about 5 minutes, pretending i'm in some ad for a luxurious product, then get antsy and towel off and drain the tub. but it's a quality 5 minutes. i have an item to add to my March Self-Care plan. i am tearing sheets of heavy duty watercolor paper into small-ish squares, and (plan) to do a small collage or splotch paint every day for the month. we'll see. i will strive for this in a gentle way, pre-forgiving myself for the days i suspect i'll miss. but ya gotta have a goal, right? i contacted the yoga studio...i called for a refill on the smoking drug stuff, and will be buying a bento box for my new lunch plan. gotta love bento! there used to be a blog called Bento Yum that was the best. then some scandal or other closed it. for the love of God...a scandal about bento. people, people. i'm going to get some nice chicken soup in me now, then do my lesson on Susan Tuttle's workshop, then...Calgon! Take me away! can i tell you how much i L=O=V=E bath gel? a true addiction. maybe i can knit in the tub....Linda
yesterday morning i woke up (45 mins later than usual) had a cup of coffee, fed the cat, and finally hit the shower. not in a rush, and feeling a bit guilty for the feeling of relief (and almost giddiness) that i had a morning to Just Worry About Me. not worry as in WoRrY...just in the sense of : I had no one to be responsible for but myself. yes, i did feel guilty that the reason was because of 1 little shift in the routine:diva was at grandma's. now, i love that dog with the fierceness of a mamma bear, but the luxury of not having to watch the clock in order to leave time for her morning walk, etc, was sweet. and as the warm water from the shower slid down my shoulders, i realized how little time i take for self-care, and yes - self-indulgence. and how 1 small change made such a big difference. i am always running to or from an obligation...doggie-wise or otherwise. and have made a promise to myself to take better care, and to schedule in the time just for me. i am used to spending hours in my studio absorbed in a project, then feeling guilty if i want to go for a walk alone, etc, so i don't. i looked at my calendar, and february is already filled to bursting with obligations. so- starting in March...i will make these changes: yoga on saturday mornings...another flying leap at quitting smoking...on saturdays i will plan lunches for the week and prepare as many in advance on sunday (so i don't eat drive-through crap all week). right now, that's the best i can do. and i think that's a good start. tonight...diva is at grandma's and husband goes out of town, so i don't have to rush home! maybe a foray to Barnes & Noble. livin' on the wild side, my friend! for now - shower and work. Can I say - i am loving Susan Tuttle's digital photography manipulation workshop?? so easy with her guidance! i recommend. L.

Monday, February 01, 2010

amazing what a little sleep can do for your attitude! i crashed down on my pillow hard and slept through the night. i do not know how people with (real) children do it. my respect is magnified for all parents who have ever had a sick child. i sure was not cut out for that for any length of time. i took a nice hot shower, changed the sheets and down comforter, and decided to read a bit before turning out the lights. the next thing i knew, i was waking up an hour later, book still in my hands, glasses still on the end of my nose. such vida loca! back to work this morning - time to hit the shower. i get to come home to the start of Susan Tuttle's Digital Photo Manipulation online workshop! yippee!! wishing you each a fabu monday and a wondrous week! Linda