a Tiny description

a full time artist, stepmother, radio personality, and mom to an energetic Chug dog, tries to get through the days without committing a felonious act. My life is a rickety Zen circus.


Sunday, January 27, 2008

move over sally jean

so i tried to order some pretty little things from sally jean...emailed, called...to no avail. in all fairness, this was during my Week Of Invisibility. so i decided, Ok - this can't be so hard to learn. i've had her book since forEver. it was just the Things Catching Fire possibility that had me a little skittish. things do seem to explode, flame out, smolder, and downright burn around me at a higher than average rate. there was some solace in the fact that my neighbor is a volunteer fireman ("nozzlehead" to insiders), so i wouldn't necessarily need to call 911 and embarrass myself in front of my former co-workers who are painfully aware of the fact that fire+Linda=a busy night for them. but i was feeling a little pissed off that i hadn't gotten a response from SJ, and was determined to make a little Whatever all by myself. SO. promptly at noon, my friend Gail who-calls-frequently-and-is-married-to-the-man-who-will-be-worshipped-by-all-women came over with her soldering gear and a bag o' ephemera. 4 hours later....NO FIRE! lots of smell at first. but it appears that the old adage "no smoke without fire" is not 100%. we made STUFF! actual good stuff! i won't kid you, there were a few moments that got me all tensed up, and when diva woke up and went for gail's ankle with full froth while i was holding the soldering iron....that perked me up a bit. but all in all, not bad. once you get your swerve on with the whole "painting with solder" idea, you're good. so i left the main stuff out ... i believe i'll be doing this again soon. and for the record, i wasn't Totally pissed at SJ...not like it would keep her awake anyway - she'd be like, "WHO?!?" but it was an incident within a week of incidents where i had to be sure i hadn't put on invisibility cream instead of the usual Avon triple-decker-wrinkles-like-your-grandma cream. and while i'm on THAT topic...pull-ease, huh? does ANYone ACTually BElieve that creams and lotions will make wrinkles disappear?? and WHY do we even CARE? why why why? i am NOT 19...and i am not stoopid. do ya think MAYBE the "woman" in the wrinkle cream picture is maybe, oh, say 18? do they maybe have to airbrush IN a few tiny lines just so we believe she's actually 60 with a face as firm as a georgia peach? i just get in such a tantrum over this. and i don't begrudge the 18 & 19 year old her wrinkle-free skin...i just don't care. and i don't feel that i need to "fight it every step of the way." i've got other things to do, and i'm way too tired. so that's my rant for today. L.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

play with food

try this...it's for real..... www.freerice.com . meanwhile, i'm too tired to write anything....spent 5 hours in the recording studio yesterday and another 2 today, on top of the whole Endless Period thing. i'm whipped. so i'm hanging up now. plus Idol's on...sorry - i can't help myself! L.

Monday, January 21, 2008


so here it is monday mid-morning...am i at work? nooo. why? AGAIN with the girl problems. i would sincerely like to speak with the Patron Saint of the Ovary. i would beseech her to please let me have at least 2 weeks in between periods. and oh, that ripping just before....stop it. now. and cramps? look, i'm 50 and i've suffered quite enough years with those. do not make me take drastic measures. Saint or not, i'll take you down. that all being settled in my mind, i'm off to curl up into the fetal position in my comfy bed. at least for a minute. that's how long it takes diva dog to start her banshee impression when she wants up on the bed. it's been too cold for her to go out long enough to "get the job done," so she goes out, turns around and wails at the door. luckily, the SPCA cruelty investigator is a friend of mine, so she'd believe me that i wasn't leaving little hates-the-cold ESKIMO dog out for hours at a time in this below-zero nastiness. she, (the dog, not the investigator) (well, I'M talking about the dog here...i have no idea if the same holds true for the investigator) of course, hasn't poo-ed in 2 days because i am determined that she will, once again, go in the backyard....not have to be schlepped down the street on the mommy-arm express. i am tired, people. tired. and dog's have been known to go doody in their own back yard. in fact, my neighbor's dog is so comfortable with his dogginess, that he'll poo in ANYONE'S yard! but not my diva. ** so i decided what i want to be when i grow up. should my current job (which i love and hope they don't fire me due to sick time) decides to fire me due to sick time, i will become a motivational speaker. i was actually hired to do this once before, but the company, although very motivating and upbeat, was very disorganized, and part of staying positive is keeping control of your schedule (to an extent). (not the extent that makes me comfortable, but they were w-a-y off target). i'd get a call at 6am and they'd want me to drive somewhere and just give a speech. well, hell now, that's hardly filling the bill. you need to find out all sorts of things and tailor your remarks to actually help the negative situation you were called in to be positive about. ** so i've been feeling a little, oh, invisible lately. i called my neighbor last week to find out what to give as a baptism gift (if one is actually required)...i called a contractor for a quote on painting my R-E-D kitchen white....i called Sally Jean to order some things (yes - to give THEM money)...i emailed/called my other friend to make an appt for her to come over and see the fountain she's been bugging me to make...and i called ANOTHER contractor to see about re-doing some kitcheny stuff. not one single call back. not one. i then emailed Sally Jean. no answer. i finally got an email from the fountain friend - she's in Mexico for God's sake. no contractor callbacks. AT the baptism, my neighbor said she'd been flying around trying to finish her kitchen 'cause she has massive family company coming in today, and asked what i'd called for. so i told her. oops. yeah, and i asked how she got the contractor to call HER back?? so yes, i'm feeling a tad invisible. but the pain of the cramps has distracted me enough to stop feeling emotionally sorry for myself. i now have physical pain to point to. (now you know i'm kidding...i actually did assume that i'd become invisible, so didn't feel slighted in the slightest). Linda

Wednesday, January 16, 2008


sorry....haven't posted in a while...nothing has happened that's worth talking about. not even anything to whine about. i'm still pretty steamed about the $6M thing....good thing i didn't go charge up a bunch o' stuff, figuring i'd pay it off when The Secret hit big. sheesh. so today i declared it was "Random Act of Kindness" week. i was in line at the drive thru window of Starbucks clutching my birthday giftcard for my grande black red eye. the woman behind me did not smile the entire time we waited. i kept checking my rear view mirror sneakily. so i had the coffee person put that woman's tab on my card too. well! the coffee person just giggled with glee! she said from time to time, someone will do that, and it starts a chain reaction....the next person in line will buy for the person behind them etc. the last time it happened, it went on for 29 minutes. so said she. so it was a double random act....the coffee person got something to look forward to besides going home to shampoo the pastry smell out of her hair, and the frowner in the car behind me got free java. actually - it was a triple, because i just felt so happy about the whole thing, i was even more perky than usual when i got to work...i dare say i was unavoidable and borderline annoying. oh! and then, after making my rounds and greeting each and every person in the dept, i introduced myself to a man who sits in an office on the edge of our dept.... never met him before. it turns out, he was the guy i had nominated for a corporate award last summer, AND he is the Source. whenever an office is being built or REFURBISHED/UPDATED, he is the God of all things purchased....and thrown out. are you tinking what i'm tinking? yep...cabinets, counters, frippery, real live dental chairs, those annoying light things ....all cool stuff. AND AND our dental chairs? they have small flat panel tv's attached to them? built in? can't come off? can i hear a "jackpot!" someone? even if someone beats me to those, the cool stuff is stuff only i would think is cool....leftover (fake) teeth...stuff like that. so that's all my news and i need a nap cause i stayed up waaay to late watching American Idol like a trainwreck and then snuggled (finally) with diva on the air mattress in the middle of the livingroom cause hubby is in vermont. it was great for a minute or 2, till i realized that there was no possible way diva had THAT much gas, and the mattress was getting noticibly lower. apparently, you have to be more careful about knocking the plug thingie off. so a quick refill at 2am and back in business, except by then, she'd gone all east-and-west on the mattress and i had, like, oompa loompa amount of room to sleep unless i tried to coax her over which is a guarantee of appendage loss. so i got up AGAIN and got a piece of cheese to bribe her to the lower left quadrant of the mattress. which worked out well after she came down from her short flight.....i guess when i got onto the mattress, i moved a little too quick for fear of losing my spot, and it POOFED her up in the air. not really far, but enough to be impressed. bought me a dirty look. maybe tonight i'll remember the whole plug thing and not have to go thru those changes all over again. L.

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

have i mentioned recently how much i love my job? well, i do. i am so fortunate to have such a great work environment, and fantastic co-workers...not to mention the management is unbelievable. when i needed wednesdays off...no problem. when i needed to go part-time....sure thing. well, a few situations have arisen....namely, 4 people from the co-department i work with have moved on to other depts. all at once. so today i volunteered to train in that dept and work there 9-12 on my wednesdays off. so my new schedule will be M/T/TH 9-6 and Wed 9-12. it's only 3 hours, and my only hope is that i won't get bored in the other dept. And get THIS...they were all tripping over themselves thanking me. i mean - who should be grateful here?? at what job can you basically pick your hours and they say "okay" and NOT be secretly plotting to fire your ass as soon as you leave for lunch? plus, it isn't like i'm making any good use of my time off....not much going on in the art dept....no long walks with diva. and i'd feel too guilty to take a walk without her, despite the 70 degree weather the past 2 days. so really, it's 3 hours i won't be eating, sleeping , smoking, or shopping, so it really is a benefit to me. i've begun to decorate my desk for Valentine's day. why not? the stores are packed out with stuff. i've just added it to the christmas stuff already hung in my cubby. the funny thing is, whenever the CEO is giving a tour to a potential new doctor, they have to pass by my desk. so i'd like to be a fly in his brain! i keep it tasteful, if not interesting. maybe a tad quirky. i heard him say, "...and this is our Patient Services Department, where we blah blah blah....that's Linda - she's an artist." how proud was I??? i fairly glowed. remember the old Laugh-In show? the Farkel Family? they'd introduce all the family members, then say, "...and there's HER..." well, i'm HER. i think they're afraid to fire me. if they did, i think i'd just keep showing up anyway. just to see the reaction. ** so my wonderful new contacts...not so good. the trial pair were awesome. the 1st regulation pair ....i can't see out of them. it's the least that you expect from contact lenses! and the right lens is scratchy. i tried taking the new one out and putting in a new new one....to no avail. my friend Gail -who- calls- regularly- now, got me a book called Wreck This Journal. it's so cool. i need directions for most things, and this is very clear cut....page 1.."add your own page numbers....start HERE." now that's headed in the right direction. "stand on a chair and drop this book." "burn this page" scary. you get the point. i'm also reading "Wabi Sabi for writers, artists and philosophers" "1000 Artist Trading Cards" (not reading it but looking at it)...and about 3 other books who's titles i can't remember exactly and can't get to because diva is asleep on my foot. we snuck her across the street for a #2 tonight. it was just too nice out and she's got cabin fever. why i'm inside right now, i have no idea. so i'm going out for a smoke. goodnight! oh and by the way....that whole "The Secret" stuff is shit. i did NOT win a nickel in a lottery or any other place. my $6M is still floating somewhere in the Universe. yeah right. so don't be fooled by imitations. plus, if you have already purchased the DVD, watch the revolving key in the corner....it will hypnotize you. for real. it's one of those subliminal things. i probably wrote a hypnotic check out to Oprah or something, and am unwittingly funding Obama's campaign. without getting a receipt. if you HAVEN'T bought the book/dvd....don't. that's the secret right there...the woman who "exposed" the secret is making a frigging fortune off people who want it quick and easy. she throws her head back and laughs hard from the belly as she counts our hard-earned $19.95's plus shipping and handling. luckily i borrowed the dvd from someone, otherwise i'd track her and bitch-slap her hard .....6 million times. so goodnight y'all. Linda

Sunday, January 06, 2008

fun fun fun!

being the diva of discard that i am, trust me when i tell you, this website, www.sciplus.com is great! hysterical descriptions of items....and you won't believe the Stuff they have! it's technically a science surpuls site, so you'll find a billion sizes, shapes, colors of beakers and test tubes, etc...but wait! there's more! way way too much more to describe. spend a day on their website. and cheap? oy. even my uncle Morty would be impressed. go there. now. have fun. L.

Saturday, January 05, 2008

the shunning

so i'm being shunned by diva. after all i've done for her. today i finally took a few hours for myself...i went to the schweinfurth to see the art=quilts=art exhibit with my friend kathy. as long as we were out there, we stopped at the flea market and Volunteers of America. no treasures. then we stopped at denny's. i was gone longer than expected, but wasn't watching the clock so much, since i was Out Of The House for only the 2nd or 3rd time in 2 weeks. i have devoted my life to stitch-lick stoppage and no-no jumping. i have carried that furry (well, shaved now) barge butt across the street 2 times a day so little missy can poo in the park, as is her preference. i have slept on an air mattress on the floor in front of her kennel to remind her not to lick the stitches. so, how do i get paid back? she prefers to be downstairs right now with the guys watching FOOTBALL instead of enjoying my company. sheesh! i even bought her a BRAND NEW prettypinkcollar today to replace her really really old one that is just shredded. it's a neon pink to fit her new attitude. but i may return it after this treatment. by the way, the quilt exhibit is TO DIE FOR! so inspiring. and a photog from the local paper followed us around and we'll be in the paper. i had to think if it was a work day and i was sick. when the photog asked our names (he needs permission from us to use our pics) we told him that we made the quilt we were standing in front of. of course we told him we were just kidding. then proceeded to vogue and screw up his shots. so a peaceful day and i'd better damn well win that lottery tonight, because after 2 weeks off, it is habit forming to be your own person every day. cross everything! i'll share! Linda
in those not-quite-morning moments night struggles strongholds with heavy moondawn finally...silently...slipping past and under to lay dark velvet against another sky and the pinkorange break slivers gain purchase...grow and meld into dawn taking victory slowly and graciously so as not to gloat...tomorrow another test in those not-quite-day, not-still-night moments as phoenix and anubis dare each other to blink as my soul gathers once again inside my flesh deciding deciding deciding phoenix or anubis - who will triumph and gain the spoils the victor now responsible the other to wait... in those pinkorange moments when dawn creases the sky round moon now round sun i rise.

Thursday, January 03, 2008

dry, cozy, content-ish, and a job offer

so i'm starting the new year with at least 1 resolve almost accomplished...a cozy meditation corner. i have a closet in my studio that's 10' x 7' and crammed with junk. well, mostly junk....suitcases, duffels, tote bags (7 at last count. i love tote bags!), old clothes, new clothes, clothes that will NEVER ever ever fit me again. you get the point. anyway, i've been looking for a womb-like spot to put a comfy chair-for-one. somewhere just for me. where i can shut the door and meditate, read, sketch, whatEVER. so last night i cleared out the clothes that will never ever fit. then i took the spring/summer stuff down to an extra closet in stepdaughter's room. (she has the bigger bedroom of the 2 downstairs, but is never here. short-sighted on our part when we moved in, but it's kept the loud boys from congregating overnight here, as the stepson's room is teeny). then, i russian doll-ed the totes, suitcases & duffels...one inside the other inside the other. i have some memorabilia from my reporter days that i still am not ready to part with, so that will go into the closet downstairs, or to mom's attic with the rest of my lifestash (she has stuff from kindergarten stored in her attic!). i cleared a space on some shelves to the left, ruthlessly regarding each sweater & turtleneck ...stay or go? i love sweaters as much as tote bags, and had over 100 sweaters at one point in my packrat life. in search of cozy - that's me. even had a cat named CozyCat once. back to the closet. so now i have an area about 3' wide, with shelves to womb-up in. just need a comfy chair. i had moved a cedar chest from the foot of our bed into the closet when we ensconced diva dog in her palace. i may leave it in there - nice foot rest. i think i may try to find one of those small, foldable papasan chairs that look like a giant contact lens. stepdaughter had one that she HAD TO HAVE and has only used twice, so i may ask her if she's done NEEDING it. or i may look for something new. the point is, i feel happy about this little corner that's mine mine mine. it makes me smile, and i haven't even vacuumed it yet! **so onto the job offer....i got a call yesterday with a "testing the waters" offer to do a morning radio show. knowing the station, and the state of radio locally, i'm fairly certain the money won't be tempting. that was the detail they didn't have handy. trying instead to see what i make now. i'm way past the "fame & glory of doing morning drive radio," having done it on & off for the past 17 years, so it truly is about the money. it must be compelling money to make me get up 5 mornings a week and be all perky & funny at 5am. there's something, once again, tempting about working 5am-9am then having the rest of the day free, but experience tells me that you're too doggone tired to do anything meaningful....like drive a car or grocery shop. so again, Show Me The Money. i've known my potential co-host for most of my radio career, and we work very well together....having been around long enough that neither has to climb the other's back to further a career...both too tired! so stay tuned for that episode. i really am quite happy where i am, though. i can call in sick (like today) and no one has to jump through hoops to find a replacement. ** the other of this post is the "dry" part. creatively. i can't remember when i've gone this long without creating...or even having an inkling. i took out a small cupboard thingie and gessoed it to prepare for distressing, and there it sits weeks later. i have a doll cut out and sewn together, and there she sits all nekked and chilly. but oddly, i'm not stressing about it. i should be, i suppose. i should also be trying to figure out how to get my CD or contact sheet in front of a few gallery people. that one is a job for today, i think. but creatively, i am singularly uninspired and uninterested. and not cranky about it. hunh. i'll just go with the non-flow, i guess, and follow upstream to see where the dam is. but i'm not feeling like it's an urgent thing. maybe it's just time to rest. maybe i've fallen into a lazy torpor. but i feel right about taking a creative break, so i won;t force it. can't anyway! saturday i head to the Scweinfurth to see the final days of Art=Quilts=Art with my friend Kathy. that ought to dislodge something. i always end up in tears at that exhibit. the beauty and creativity of some of these works just catches me. i'll report back. meanwhile...i'm still on my quest for Lance Armstrong for my vet. anyone? Buhler? so off to shower and carry diva to the p-a-r-k so she can poo. she WILL NOT go in her own yard, and it's been a few degrees below zero the past night, and today is not looking much better. this is the most frustrating part of her care. and i love her. i'm going back in my closet now. linda

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

wise words

from a birthday book: To love perfection, is to be dissatisfied with life. happy new year all! wishing you each abundance in the good things! Linda (i'm going to nap now)