a Tiny description

a full time artist, stepmother, radio personality, and mom to an energetic Chug dog, tries to get through the days without committing a felonious act. My life is a rickety Zen circus.


Thursday, October 24, 2013

so it occurs to me that i never filled you in on the amazing few days in Ithaca at the artist colony. yes.  i left last friday (early a.m.) and arrived just after lunch.  not a long drive, unless you are using an outdated Garmin.  the minute the door closed on my live/work space, i unloaded my fabrics and doodads and threads.  made a cup of coffee. opened the windows.  took a few moments to soak in the absolute beauty of the mountains and rolling hills just outside the window.  then got busy.  i designed and re-designed and pinned and hung the piece up for a perspective.  redesigned.  then started hand sewing.  the entire piece is handsewn.  it is an amazingly zen experience, despite the difficulty on my hands.  it will be a few weeks before it's done - i have a holiday shop to get ready for - but i am just diggin this piece.  i went to bed late, that first night, slept well, then got up before dawn and started sewing again.  by the evening, i needed distraction from the absolute silence, so grabbed my ipad & cued up netflix.  i learned a lot about myself those few days - one, i need solitude.  two, i can't deal with too much solitude!  three, i am a calm and decent person who needs more absolute solitude than i have. i think a shared studio away from my home is the answer…more on that but Henry is begging to go out.

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

hello, and yes yes, i know.  i hope to be able to share with you soon, but to put it in print is just too much right now.  my life is moving forward and backward like a carnival ride, but mostly standing still.   it is the season, for me, to lay fallow those things which no longer serve me well…where a shaking takes place and winds blow the extraneous leaves from my branches.  not always an altogether pleasant experience, i can tell you - with feet unsteady and the wind knocked from your gut.  but also, a clearing and better visibility to the sky.  so all-in-all an expected autumntime occurance with me.  seeds will be planted, and begin to gain strength over the winter, in order to break through the moist spring ground.  how about you?  when is your most intense time of year?

Thursday, October 17, 2013

all the leaves are brown...

no! no! they are still electric with their golds and reds! this morning as i headed to the barn, the sun shone at just The Right Spot on the branches and boughs...i was driving down a rural 2-laner, and the trees crowded in on each side like a hug. it was so amazing that i had to phone my Rock Fairy friend to tell her.  best yet, a moody, large greyish white cloud parked itself across the treetops and if i squinted just right, it looked like one of those NH mountains i miss so much.
The vet was late to the barn, and an extensive (but relieved) visit set me back 4 hours in my day plan: a mitzvah? an honor? a gratitude?
I am one of a few people on the street who stay home all day with no children tugging at my shirttails...no responsibilities, other than what i wish to make.  This morning at 6am, i rented a whizz-bang backpack style leaf blower - professional strength windmaker - and my plan was to blow off the lawns of as many neighbors as i could do physically, or time-wise.  yes, we live in the woods, but still leaf-blow the fronts.  i started with the neighbor who just had surgery, then to the neighbor with 2 jobs and 3 kids, and moved on from there.  i finished all but one by dinnertime, and just as i stepped out of Home Depot with the return slip: the rain started.  Yes, i looked like a dork.  like an undocumented worker going door-to-door.  much like i do when i snowblow people's driveways.  but it feels oh-so-good to see them smile when they pull in the driveway.  i consider it an honor to be able to do this.  an honest to God honor.
and tomorrow, if i'm able to load my car, i head here for 3 days of cloistered creativity.  i cannot wait.  am dreaming of the work i want to create.  send me good thoughts and prayers for an intensive and complete work session.  be back with the news on monday!

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

am in total love elbow deep with Elizabeth Andrews work....

Monday, October 14, 2013

2 today

may you unfold willingly,
may you be truly nourished...
may peace be in your every step,
may gratitude fill you,
may you reach others
with your radiant heart.

(author unremembered)

I've always liked the time before dawn because there's no one around to remind me who I'm supposed to be, so it's easier to remember who I am.

denise f - i lost your email...can you contact me?

Sunday, October 13, 2013

oh ok - so this is how it will be, then?  posting willy nilly whenever you feel like it, with no regard for those who check in every day??
or so the email went, more or less.
i begin, then, with apologies.  And continue on.
it seems life has become insistent and badgering like a small child wanting candy in a grocery store.  And I've been indulgent to it's directions, for once, which has thrown me into a whirlwind of activity.  Please note i did not use a descriptive word that would imply "chaos."  It is not chaotic here, rather moving quickly and directly, with all manner of loose ends flapping about, to be tucked in or cut off.
(side note - right now Henry is staring up at bulimia cat with adoring eyes, as kitty bops him on the head with a no-claw paw).
ok back.
And that's all i can share for now, except to say it will be a while before the mountains see me as a caretaker.
I have been furiously updating the Very Brady bathrooms in this house.  Don't know why, but i suddenly had had quite enough of sunshine yellow countertops juxtaposed against harvest gold tubs surrounds.  in 20 days, my new vanity/marble top counter arrives for the upstairs loo.  Downstairs will have to be happy with a slash of new paint for now.  the shower holds the kitty potty, so that tells you how much it gets used.
The most remarkable thing was an hour long conversation with my Favorite Cousin.  It was a homecoming.  I never really told you how deeply emotional my uncle's funeral was on another level.  for the first time in a very long time, i felt centered and grounded - i was around my cousins and felt like i had come home, even though there had been many years of distance.  it was like a smack in the face: THIS is who I am.  this is who i AM.  these were the people i belonged to.
In the midst of all the loose flapping ends, is one in particular...that of religion and beliefs and worship.  and i have decided to reclaim my heritage from birth...my heritage as a Jew.  I say "reclaim," because in all my personal stew of beliefs, there was never an appropriate place to go to worship...but when i was in the temple during my uncle's funeral service, it felt, well, it felt like i belonged there.  and i think i'd like to try a few Shabbat services with my friend Amy who offered.
My life has been feeling like Tetris.  Remember Tetris?  the video game?  where different sized shapes fall, and you have to maneuver them to fit in the best possible way.  that describes it exactly.  And in this, I am trying to discover what i want, so that i can focus on it and draw it to me through intention - in case that works.  I'm not completely sold on the whole idea of intention setting, but it seems like a good way to name, and follow through to, a goal.  Meanwhile, i am also on a mission to purge - stuff from the house, stuff from my life...anything that doesn't serve a purpose in the immediate.  mothbally old things that i've held onto "just in case."  in case what??
These past weeks have contained some of the most remarkably hopeful days, and some of the most lowdown-dark & delirious-without hope days.  the usual. BUT with this difference:  it is two steps forward, and a half back.  then two more forward.
so that's what i've been up to.  plus a little bit more, but that's for another post.
again - my apologies for not posting...i didn't know you cared, and there's been too much happening all at once and no way to distill it all.
it will be good!

Monday, October 07, 2013

i am a yogi

Beauty  (click on it)

I think this may be my favorite...warrior pose gets me every time...

Thursday, October 03, 2013

oh shoot

now after taking a break from this place, and from my own head, i realized that there are so many wonderful things to share.  so i will.
beginning with this StoryPeople quote....

No hurt survives for long without our help, she said & then she kissed me & sent me out to play again for the rest of my life.

so true.  now go play.  and it's good to be back, friend.