oh ok - so this is how it will be, then? posting willy nilly whenever you feel like it, with no regard for those who check in every day??
or so the email went, more or less.
i begin, then, with apologies. And continue on.
it seems life has become insistent and badgering like a small child wanting candy in a grocery store. And I've been indulgent to it's directions, for once, which has thrown me into a whirlwind of activity. Please note i did not use a descriptive word that would imply "chaos." It is not chaotic here, rather moving quickly and directly, with all manner of loose ends flapping about, to be tucked in or cut off.
(side note - right now Henry is staring up at bulimia cat with adoring eyes, as kitty bops him on the head with a no-claw paw).
And that's all i can share for now, except to say it will be a while before the mountains see me as a caretaker.
I have been furiously updating the Very Brady bathrooms in this house. Don't know why, but i suddenly had had quite enough of sunshine yellow countertops juxtaposed against harvest gold tubs surrounds. in 20 days, my new vanity/marble top counter arrives for the upstairs loo. Downstairs will have to be happy with a slash of new paint for now. the shower holds the kitty potty, so that tells you how much it gets used.
The most remarkable thing was an hour long conversation with my Favorite Cousin. It was a homecoming. I never really told you how deeply emotional my uncle's funeral was on another level. for the first time in a very long time, i felt centered and grounded - i was around my cousins and felt like i had come home, even though there had been many years of distance. it was like a smack in the face: THIS is who I am. this is who i AM. these were the people i belonged to.
In the midst of all the loose flapping ends, is one in particular...that of religion and beliefs and worship. and i have decided to reclaim my heritage from birth...my heritage as a Jew. I say "reclaim," because in all my personal stew of beliefs, there was never an appropriate place to go to worship...but when i was in the temple during my uncle's funeral service, it felt, well, it felt like i belonged there. and i think i'd like to try a few Shabbat services with my friend Amy who offered.
My life has been feeling like Tetris. Remember Tetris? the video game? where different sized shapes fall, and you have to maneuver them to fit in the best possible way. that describes it exactly. And in this, I am trying to discover what i want, so that i can focus on it and draw it to me through intention - in case that works. I'm not completely sold on the whole idea of intention setting, but it seems like a good way to name, and follow through to, a goal. Meanwhile, i am also on a mission to purge - stuff from the house, stuff from my life...anything that doesn't serve a purpose in the immediate. mothbally old things that i've held onto "just in case." in case what??
These past weeks have contained some of the most remarkably hopeful days, and some of the most lowdown-dark & delirious-without hope days. the usual. BUT with this difference: it is two steps forward, and a half back. then two more forward.
so that's what i've been up to. plus a little bit more, but that's for another post.
again - my apologies for not posting...i didn't know you cared, and there's been too much happening all at once and no way to distill it all.
it will be good!