ah ha

the past week has been one of almost indescribable torment ... as i wean off chantix, my mind, my body, is going to places so dark & tumbled at times.  it's difficult to reach out to a friend for a lifeline, since most people are in offices, and can't just stop and talk.  and to say what?  listen to me while i cry for a minute?  I recognize that the waves of tears and sadness are from the drug leaving my system, and so I grit through it till it passes.  my doc suggested drinking lots of water,  not wanting to give another drug to combat this one.  it makes sense, tho seems cruel at times throughout the day.  she has never been addicted to anything, i suspect. the busy-ness of the studio purge helped hold things at bay - or at least keep my hands busy and my body exhausted.  tonight i'll go to zumba - i'm thinking the music will do me good.  (although 30 minutes of Drumline music was pretty darn good too!)
i have fought my way through a similar weaning process before, and have come out, not just a survivor, but a victor standing with her heel on the throat of her opponent.  i will prevail here too.  i have to.
and you have my renewed promise - i am here for you at any time of day or night.  don't feel silly.  don't wonder what you'll say.  we can talk about nothing or everything or i can just listen to you cry.  just please let me get through this first.