whew! it has been quite a ride these past few months. are you still out there? did you forget me? are you still checking in? well, if you are, here's a little sparkly bit for you: I promise you not a moment will be lost as long as I have heart & voice to speak & we will walk again together with a thousand others & a thousand more & on & on until there is no one among us who does not know the truth: there is no future without love. -Brian Andreas I am officially on the mend! following an acupuncture appointment on Monday, my hearing is back 98%, and my strength is returning. was it the treatment or just natural progression of this nasty bug - who knows? but i made it through the day yesterday at a semi-normal pace. Back to the business in the studio today with tons of ideas and a fresh start. Diva is staying pretty close...like, on top of my feet right now. Bulimia cat has ensconced him/herself upon the new bedroom furniture like royalty. life is good. Husband has determined he will be buying a boat. a sailboat. we agreed that once college tuition loans were paid up and some lingering credit card stuff was taken care of, we (meaning "he") would begin his search. HOWEVER - that seems like telling a kid he can have that big sloppy piece of chocolate cake after he eats all the broccoli. in the world. he has spent countless untold hours skimming the web looking at boats and marinas and all manner of boat-related things. every night. he sits in bed with the computer and a headlamp looking looking looking. i asked him if he was having an online affair or what. just picture this scene. so yesterday he made an appointment to check out 2 boats at a nearby marina. we are at least a year away from my comfort zone to purchase. but much like crack, he is no longer satisfied to just look online anymore. his addiction has grown...he must touch boat...smell boat..board the vessel and imagine himself at the helm. so in all fairness to him, and as payback for him having to look at me wandering aimlessly around the house in my bathrobe for 3 months, we went to look at 2 boats yesterday. in the freezing cold. the boats were not in the water, they were up on those holder-things. and a person had to climb an actual household TALL ladder to get to the back end of this thing, then slip themselves under the winter cover and slither aboard. my footwear was not appropriate. not sure what i was thinking. maybe picturing balmy temperatures, walking down a sturdy dock and stepping aboard, with the support of a strong manly hand. and the captain, looking dapper and crisp in his dress whites would tip his hat and welcome me aboard, while Julie The Cruise Director would check her clipboard to see what the day's activity choices were...a spa pedi, sipping paper-umbrella drinks in cushy chaise lounges while P Diddy grilled some freshly caught fish, and the chef prepared a nice salad and fruit cup. or maybe just standing on the bow in a gauzy white dress, with the wind blowing my hair in an exact semblance of a razor commercial and my straw hat never flies off into the ocean/sea/lake, and suddenly the sunset bursts beautifully over the dining table on deck, and the stars twinkle above the candlelight and crystal. maybe that's what i thought. but... this was more like pushing a recalcitrant donkey up a ramp that was perpendicular to the ground. shove push grunt. and then - i was aboard. ahoy. and i tried to picture myself living on this boat for a weekend, as is my husband's dream. or sailing for a week up to Toronto. or some type of magical scenario...this boat with a kitchen the size of a closet, and a bathroom the size of a standard adult eagle's wingspan - no, make that a crow. i tried to burble up the same enthusiasm i saw beaming from my husband's eyes. but the facts are as cold as the metal on that ladder: i don't like big, open areas of water. I also get seasick. oh, and have i mentioned that neither of us has ever really sailed? husband used to race Hobie's, but that is a whole different animal. but it is his dream. and i will support it as much as he has supported my full-time artist dream. just not right now. so last night, filled with the smell of the sea (or lake, in this case), and visions of hoisting sails he had touched (in their winter wrapper) and bursting with the day's conversations with An Actual Sailor about wind directions and heads and V-berths and map tables, he announced he was Ready To Buy. now, how do you back someone off that easily? How do you inject reality into a conversation about a lifelong dream? not easily, but it definitely needed to be done. and my timbers shiver thinking about these planned weekends at sea, and i reach for the Tums just thinking about it. and i do not see diva partaking in this adventure not one little bit. so i'm hoping that the lottery smiles fortune upon us, and husband can get his dream boat (besides me) and we'll work out the rest. dreams cannot ever be quenched. i realize this will happen with or without my "stamp of approval." sigh. maybe i'll get to name it, at least.