i have a few things to say

let me start by saying that, in the unlikely chance that i should win tonight's Yolanda Vega Lotto extravaganza, i will buy the internet. once it is mine, i will make some rules. first, and foremost, anyone and i mean ANYONE - your child, your grandmother, your dog, even you - anyone who sprouts some malicious viral thing will be banned. and placed in hell, where they will forever shovel coals. forever. what possible high can these people get from going "Oh Cool! i've disrupted people's lives...people i don't know...people who innocently go about their business." i am scratching my head over that. graffiti on walls...that i get. april fool's jokes? check. you get to see the reaction, and they're usually pretty narrowly targeted. like when youngblood texted his dad who was in the middle of a 3-day top level meeting. and he said "my girlfriend's pregnant." that i understand. that is easily undone with a smack to the side of the head, and a divorce. but not this email mess i am now confronted with. and a possible bill of $200 to un-do it. $200 that was better spent shipping a mannequin across country. but i am sidetracked. now, rule two...think of email as sex. if you do not have a virus protection program on your computer...do not email. simple. you are risking everyone's computing health by sending unprotected emails. we do not think this is funny. and moreover, the joke you sent that i accidentally opened? i have seen it so many times since the dial-up days, it just has lost it's humor. so seriously - please - get protection. i have protection, but apparently your virus beat my protection. and now, i can't get that important email i've been waiting for. and i can't email my friends to say i was thinking of them. i know i'm on a rampage here, but it just feels so violating. and honestly, i don't read those forwards. i delete them. and i made 1 mistake...i clicked the wrong line in the received box. it shouldn't count. i am careful. i have good 'net manners. and since the time of my old 185 computer, i have learned some things: people hate those Getting To Know You forwards...Bill gates will not be sending you money, or anyone else for that matter, just because you click something...there is no lost dog...the sick child has not aged since i first saw that email in the mid-90's...there is no pot of gold waiting on the internet anymore than there is in your mailbox along with a publishers clearinghouse check and balloons. yes, i'm cranky. i have the flu and my computer has a virus. but just the email. and i love LOVE getting emails. i love getting real old-fashioned mail more, but emails are nice. just put a condom on the computer first. Thank you. i'm done now. oh - except to say that if you have emailed me anytime since friday night, i probably didn't get it, so please resend AFTER sunday. i am either getting no emails, or the ones that squeeze through get replicated exponentially so i hurry them into the deleted folder, where they pop out again into my inbox, doubling themselves each time///3 become 6 become 12, etc. now i'm done. thanking you for listening. i'm not a bad person...just pretty hardwire for hell right now. L.