did i ever share this with you? can't remember. but last night, my neighbor called to thank me again for the walking stick i got her...it has given her back her freedom & power. after a loose dog attacked her 2 dogs, killing one, she was terrified to walk the other, in case of another attack. i happened to see this vendor display at a craft festival & Debi customized one with paw prints and human prints, and wrote the names of my neighbor's dogs on it (woodburned). Debi is a great person...one of those instant connections you meet at the soul level in an instant. have i seen her since? nope. but i have a sense that our paths aren't done crossing on this earth yet. and the walking stick got me thinking about the totems and charms and rituals we all have that make us feel more empowered...the lucky doodad or burning a special candle before meditation or before beginning art time. for a while, i was a serious fundamental christian...with the accent on the "mental." a church i went to had more rules than God ever intended, and I lived in fear that i'd break a rule, piss off God and bad luck and a teflon slide to hell would follow. i broke free, clearly. and although i began searching and exploring Buddhism and Hinduism and Judaism (again) and various & sundry belief systems and religions, nothing felt right...everything had something that didn't sit quite right in my spirit. so i gathered my own personal beliefs and decided that Linduism was the way to go. (my own - Linda + ism, since Judy-ism was taken *smile*). and i no longer feel like i need to peek around the corner for the teacher while i throw a spitball, and no longer feel Not Quite Good Enough. I still have some deep beliefs from the church days, but they are beliefs that ring true to me...not what a pastor shouted at me on endless sunday mornings. and i still love kirtan. and although the jury is still out for me on the endless array of brightly garbed dieties of Hinduism, i am drawn to the history and stories behind each, and have been known to call upon one or two for help in the studio. so it's an eclectic mix. i'm not sure why this is coming out in a post just now, but here it is. i guess for me, anything that serves to make a person feel Less, rather than Just Enough or Just Right, is something that does not come from a good place. and anything that doesn't have room for other thoughts and beliefs and feelings, and doesn't respect and celebrate the diversity of thoughts and beliefs...that isn't from a good place, either. in my opinion. if you have a diferent opinion, then i respect it and celebrate your right to have it...but this is my blog, so i write my stuff. and speaking of kirtan...how is it, i ask you, how is it that i can learn entire chanting songs in sanskrit - a language not known for it's contemporary usage here - learn them SNAP like that, but Spanish on demand - no way, Jose. today was to be the Day Of Linda Recording In Spanish. the man with the phone codes drove through a huge rainstorm just to punch in numbers while i listened for the tone, and hopefully began my message. in spanish. a language, you may remember, i do not speak. now, HE spoke spanish, but oooooh nooo - it had to be my voice...first in english, then spanish. and you may also remember that the last message i was to record was to say that no spanish-speaking agents were available. they knew this part ahead of time because there are no spanish speaking agents. i tried, y'all. i really really tried. i tried by reading it in spanish. i tried by reading the painstakingly written phonetic translation. i tried by willing myself to be spanish. no luck. it's like trying to fill that little cup at the Dr's office first thing in the morning. finally the code man became exasperated and fairly shouted, "JUST SAY blah blah blah! JUST SAY IT!" so that was the key - when i heard him say it, i could parrot his sounds. except for that rrrrr sound - of which there were many. but by then he was covered in high blood pressure and i had flop sweat rolling from my armpits. yes, i could say "to continue in spanish, press number 5," but looming ahead was a Full Paragraph of information...many many words, i tell you. and neither of us had the fight for it left in us. so we found the director, and in a move so unbelievably generous, the code man told her that the codes were wrong and he had to fix something at the junction box or some damn place, and we'd have to do it again. i could have kissed his purple cheek. i doubt he'll return, but it'll give me some time to practice. perhaps. meanwhile, Miriam - the maintenance worker from Cuba has a great voice. i have suggested her to the director many times. Miriam was a college professor in Cuba, as was her husband. they now empty the trash at our corporate offices while saving to bring an adult daughter here. i was teaching Miriam english, as best i could, when i worked at the new new office. she had been trying to teach me spanish. i should have paid better attention. Miriam was a professor. Miriam is now emptying my trash. my thoughts are too complex to write about this. i will say i honor her, and i envy her courage and persistance at life. her husband has the equivalent of a PhD. he vacuums. and i have caught them both dancing salsa in the copyroom with the accounting clerks. those random thoughts for you tonight...a good night full of Tiger chai tea and sweat pants and a peacefulness in my heart. au revoir, muchachos. L.