Tuesday, August 26, 2008
1am Diva: (tap tap tap) mom? can we go out? mom? i have to go out. Me: gricklearggey Diva: mom? can we GO OUT? Me: do you have to go peepee yagelskaarrumffsnore Diva: (quietly) not really. (tap tap)maybe. up out of bed and down the stairs. open door. diva launches through the doorway. uh oh. PPPPFFFFTTTT! full face stinky cat juice. Diva: MOOOOMMMMMMM! help! where are you?? Mom! i can't see anything. the kitty was bad. 3am, as the sprayer nozzler thingie comes exploding off the end of the faucet thingie and still stinky water splashes all over my bathrobe which has since been put in trash... Diva: i'm done now. i want to go to bed. me: you still STINK. everything STINKS. everything will always STINK from now untill everything SHEDS. tomorrow when you are dry, we will shave you. i swear sinead, if you EVER and i mean EVER even think about doing that again, you can bathe your own Stinky self. at grandma's. note to those wondering: 1)human vomit does not cut the smell, even when applied accidentally, and 2)yes, V8 juice will stain a white dog. oh and yes - i do indeed plan to shave my diva dog today. having dealt with previous incidents (though i must say more TIMELY incidents) i know that The Smell will never ever leave. just when you think it's gone...BAM! wet fur brings it out again. does our story end there? of course not. this is ME we're talking about. 3 hours THREE HOURS later, i shove wet stinky dog into her kennel and crawl into bed. she is NOT going to get on the bed with me. husband snores. missed the whole thing. 30 mins later i snore too. until diva starts screaming like a banshee. now WHAT?? husband just woke up and smelled skunk. asks "did she get skunked?" it's 3 or 4 fricking A.M. and he needs the light on in the room and has to open kennel & extract dog to ask THAT? "what do you think?" i reply in my most surly voice. he decides she was whining because she has to go out & pee. i cry, and pray to gods known and unknown. for the next 2 hours, i am woken up every 30-40 minutes with SOMETHING...one of them can't sleep, one of them scratching their woobie to make a nest...on & on. alarm goes off and i realize my BRAND NEW pj's smell like stink. my hair MY HAIR has an unmistakeable odor, which means my pillow does. MY PILLOW. my husband snores. downstairs no coffee set up, but the smell is absolutely remarkable in it's ability to stay concentrated. i hate the skunk. i admire it. but i hate it. and now i have to go to work. with stink hair. and stink clothes. and stink attitude. and sleepy stink eyes. oh cosmic waitress, CHECK PLEASE! L.
at 6:36 AM