a Tiny description

a full time artist, stepmother, radio personality, and mom to an energetic Chug dog, tries to get through the days without committing a felonious act. My life is a rickety Zen circus.


Wednesday, August 13, 2008

breaking up is hard to do

Dear Cigarettes, first, know that I love you dearly. We've been together for 30 years. You've been my comfort - my place to turn when I've needed a bit of calm. But we've outgrown each other...my life needs to travel a different path...one where you aren't welcome. a part of me is sad, but mostly I'm excited by the freedom. when i think back on the opportunities for careers and adventures that i've passed up because you weren't welcome - and wouldn't let me go alone even for a week, a day - i have regret. This is a very bad relationship - very one-sided and downright abusive. i am tied to your whims and how i need you. i see myself as "less" when i am with you, dirty, smelly, less deserving, less achieving, and find myself adapting to that, rather than being the authentic person i am inside...beautiful, loving, smiling. i must follow my heart. i know that it will be so very difficult to finally break free of you....after 30 years, a person becomes used to the patterns and habits of the other. but i will strike out on my own. i will be strong this time. i have a goal and i have dreams. and they take me to places where, once again, you aren't welcome. this time, i choose to go. this time i am commited to myself. so, in a few days - the date I decided on - we will part ways forever. do not try to follow me - i have help this time, and everyone is aware of the situation. they will stand up for me against you if need be. L.

No comments: