Friday, May 18, 2012
yes. it has been a Crazy Day. yes - with a capital "C" and "D" and marked on the calendar to avoid next year. and we knew this was coming, right? after post #1, any reasonable person would've said "Girl go back to bed and save the damage," but noooo - i cross into the red zone like a tasmanian devil. i went 26.5 hours without smoking, and by the .5 was a M-E-S-S...ready to scream shrilly at anything that dared cross the lazer beam of my sight. and having a very high maintenance dog to care for just wasn't a good mix. i actually drove to the Megabus, planning to go stay in NYC for a while, but changed my mind and re-decided to stay here and make everyone else miserable. i am truly not loving this. a tiny, pea-sized cell cluster in my brain knows it's the Chantix that's making me crazy and depressed beyond depressed. but the rest of my head is feeling it as if it was real. how do heroin addicts kick? a friend of mine was a rehab nurse and told me once that it was harder to get off heroin than cigarettes. i don't have experience with heroin, but i have to say that this go-round is not for the faint of heart. my apologies to anyone i may have sucked into the vortex in the past few days. it does seem like the cravings are gone totally if my mind is totally focused on something - a painting, a book, TV. so i spent some time at Barnes & Noble today and whipped out the credit card for some retail therapy. now, i'm waiting for diva to get bored listening to me type, so she'll fall asleep in her closet, and not want up on the bed. the problem with her on the bed, is that at some point in the night, she'll want to get off the bed, and will break her neck with the cone of shame on. I've been sleeping on the couch with her the past few nights, but honestly, i want my bed. (although i've been such a honey badger all day, husband would be thrilled if i slept on the couch. in fact, he may chose to). i'm hoping for a better day tomorrow. I'll be at my art show from noon - 3pm, and will have to make nice, so maybe it'll stick. my mother-in-law and 5 of her friends are coming, so anything can happen. okay - i think i heard puppy snores from the magic palace in the closet, so i can finally hit the hay. do not ever smoke. don't.
at 10:05 PM