my husband and i decided today that we no long want to be married to each other. this is a decision that i had made in my secret heart quite some time ago, but the vastness of the thought, and the incredible logistics of the requirements were more than i could take. so i kept that little secret tucked in my secret heart of hearts. you know, there is no such thing as a secret secret. somehow, in some way, the thought will find a way to manifest itself. and as my wonderful, peaceful sanctuary became less of a home and more of a battleground strewn with eggshells to traverse, and music replaced by silences even louder, and people behaving badly, i knew i needed to change things. but have felt too tired and worked over and scared to do anything. today will be a day of holding our tongues...to try not to inflict damage unbecoming two adults, one of them a born-again Jewish Buddhist. he has said he wants to try counseling one last time. this week i will decide. but the words have been thrown into the ring, then pulled back somewhat with a toe...awaiting a final determination. please send me your best Light. I say i may not be posting for a while, but you know how i am. so either way...i will still keep you in my heart during this time. L.