the big house

the house feels big now. yes...i'm still transitioning. i come home to dinner being cooked. for 2. eat in? or on the deck? the deck it is. diva dog is back, but on her best behavior...still getting used to the smells of home vs grandma's. her friend smokey joins us as we eat dinner, along with his humans - including baby Julianna who belongs to the entire neighborhood. we welcome the non-interruption, and insist they stay while we finish dinner. our cul-de-sac is really a large family. we all watch out for each other, the kids belong to everyone. unless there's a bad diaper involved. as each house sends a child off to college, or marriage, these new children have become even more precious. little matt (dad is big matt) is just a sprout - all rugged and ready to get wet/dirty with whatever boy activity is going on. never mind that he's not even pre-school age....he's like a little man. his sister Juliana - just born. we stood outside her house the day of the c-section wondering "what we got." she's tiny and wonderful and has the sweet lovely smell only a baby can have. this one family has changed the street. we've mostly been close knit. but this one family has filled a gap. a bud for my husband and son, babies for the women to ooo and ahh over. mom is sweet and wonderful. still learning to be be a mom in all the chaos her household offers. and of course, smokey the wonder dog - diva's best friend. all this friendship and family-ness helps fill up our house. i have been so blessed in my life - truly all of it....even the really bad times. without the truly horrible moments, i would now be less of a person, i believe. without the struggles and hopeless days, i would never have learned grace and acceptance and appreciation for the Moments. times when every star aligns and every bit of magic dust falls right in my eyes and upon my head. the dragonfly that perched on my hand. the butterfly that walked with me. the man that held the door for me last winter when i was at my wits end and it was only 7:30am. little moments....and big moments. all accepted and folded into the batter as equal parts of the recipe. hoping they will make the not-so-good moments sweeter. i seek out and store up those Moments to have in reserve for the times when a little sweetener is needed. for now, i'll listen as Juliana cries for mom 2 doors away, and neighbors visit in the driveways and smile at my good fortune...that although my inside family is shrinking, my outside family is growing. L.