i'm still attempting re-entry....i think i know how the astronauts feel when they come back from a moon mission...there is no way to describe the increble-ness of what they've just experienced. so too with Squam. and to say, "you had to be there," is almost a bit mean - unintentionally. but there is no way to tell it. and a part of me doesn't want to - a part of me wants to keep a small secret little private piece of glowing wonder hidden in my heart for just me....to go to when i need strength...to remember when i need to give a hand up to someone else...to just make me smile. i keep telling myself, okay now - time to get back to your life, previously scheduled. but ... is it so wrong to hold something so good in front of you as long as you can? i think not, my friend. how many bad things do we hold in our heads, letting them hamster-wheel around for as long as they care to visit? this...this squam week...was unforgettable. just on the personal premise, imagine this: take a semi-agoraphobic, put her in a car with a person she met once -3 years ago, make her drive 7 hours to stay in the woods with unknown bathroom situations and many many new people all at once. so it worked out. would i do it again? you betcha....already packing for next year. one girl described the going-home as grief. and that is truly what it feels like. i'm very surprised by the intensity of the emotions i feel, even 5 days later. there were so very many sweet and gentle and lively and funny and light-filled women there....about 125 actually. it was as if the universe sent just the exact people that should have been there...no more and no less. how i got included, who knows? :) but will ever be grateful for it. now...off to yet another round of dr appts...i will continue to hold each of you up in my heart of hearts, and try not to cry every time i think of you (good cry, but missing you cry)...L.