Have you ever met someone and felt instantly connected?  You spoke the same language, tho no words had been exchanged yet?  What if there were two someones like that?  and all 3 of you were in the same room together with art that has no words to describe it - only tears can express what you want to say?   and what of all of the above PLUS you were supposed to be writing an article about them, and their art, and their becoming artists while they were still wives and mothers?  you'd explode, right?  I mean who can expect much from a person in that position?
Please.  Believe me when I tell you that Edie Brown and Kristin Reagan are destined for greatness.  I am as certain of this as I am that my dog just ate my sock.  What is greatness?  you decide for your own selves.  but their work will be catching fire soon.  my advice is truly - buy it now.
I have pictures…they don't do any justice.  none.  i am fumble-fingered with a camera.  i cannot express the feeling of being in the presence of these two women.  and i know when they read this, they'll be ticked off because they don't think they are anything but wives and mothers and artists.  but their work tells tales on them.  and in person, they are gentlewomen and certain, but never egotistical.  never even close.  and they made the journey to get where they are.  and i would be pleased to see them continue up the hill.  please - forgive the camera work, but enjoy the images...

only a mother would understand

…and a mother of a young child might well scoff at me, but here it is anyway:
at 9:40 this morning, I dropped my Henry off for his 1st visit to doggie playcare.  it's just 3 hours, for his evaluation visit.  but when we got there, 2 other dogs, regulars, were being dropped off and it was a little chaotic.  the owner said she would call if there was a problem, and Henry wasn't sure exactly what was going on.  my instinct said to tell the owner that we would wait for the drop off people to be taken care of, then start off on the right paw.  but i didn't.  instead, i went a few doors down and wandered the aisles of Kmart, looking at Joe Boxer sports bras, and sweat pants and baby onesies (for a neighbor), and really, just wandered.  missing my Henry, who was probably having the time of his little life.  but i should have stayed and made sure the transition was less abrupt.  for both of us.  and made sure i saw exactly where he would be playing.  i had to bring his food in a little bag with his name on it, just in case.  he was nervous about getting in the car - remembering it was just a week ago that the ride ended at Dr. Ewa's.  I hope he thinks he's at The Best Place On Earth right now.  i just wish there was a way i could watch him play there…2-way mirrors or something.  i remember last night trying to plan what i'd do with my day, or at least my responsibility-free three hours.  now i'll just mope and fret until it's time to pick him up and hold his warm little body next to mine.  i hope he'll still have his Frito smell, and not smell like Other Dog Slobber.  i told him to stay away from any dog that had fleas, and I'll check him over when he gets home.  yes, i know i sound like a dope.  but Henry is my Henry.  he is my weakness, my kryptonite.

Saturday's table

totally diggin setting a nice table, making awesome food and having company in.  Must be a Martha Stewart phase.  And yes, today I'm wearing a pink sweater set….holy moly - time for a check up from the neck up.  yesterday - couch potato.  I did walk almost 5 miles in the morning, though.  then hurt my foot, so at least i have an excuse.  the spring-ish weather has turned against me today, and it's snowing and cold and blowing.  i'm headed downtown to "interview" my potential new doctor.  i really am done with "drive by" doctoring.  I'm not a hypochondriac, but i need someone to actually listen to what i'm saying in the exam room.  hopefully this will be the place.  Gail recommended him, and she is wise in these matters.  and an awesome cook.  and decorator.  and quilter.  and journaler.   she shames me.   so off i go into the tundra now.  news soon.

so you want to feel sexy?

well, let me tell you.  i am not one to strive for sexy, but neither will i turn down an opportunity to feel better about myself.  i don't spend a lot of time thinking about it, nor do i spend a lot of money trying trying trying.  let's face it - i've earned the right to be Presentable.  notice i didn't say va-va-voom or anything Christie Brinkley-like.  yes, i love looking and feeling great, but i also feel there are so many other things to worry about besides crow's feet and the like.

so the foundation is set for my point-of-view on things.

Last night, i participated in Part Two of my sleep study - a misnomer if ever there was one.  This particular night, i was to try using a cpap machine ALONG WITH having electrodes and motion belts strapped on, glued in my hair, on my face, up my pantlegs, etc.  You know, the usual.  I'm not sure what i expected the cpap to be, but it wasn't the Darth Vader thing that was strapped on me.  so, thusly encumbered, was told to go to sleep naturally.  okaaaaay.  i had to place ultimate trust in the respiratory therapist that he wouldn't let me die in my sleep.  And also that the thick goo would come out of my hair.  here's the contraption:

That is no one's face inside it, by the way.  yes.  all i could think of was I'm Your Father Luke, and try to keep up with the breathing sounds i heard.  i did feel well-rested in the morning, but honestly?  I don't see myself wearing this at night.  it pinched and, well, just didn't make me feel all that good about myself in the ego department.  My friend uses a cpap every night but has a different mask-thing, so today, after i get the glop out of my hair, i'll take a look online.  maybe something in pink glitter?  maybe i could bedazzle it?  not much of a girlie person, though.  maybe go all steampunk.  heyyy - maybe i could design some spanky looking units!  yeah!

sleep well, my friends.

oh okay - 3fer

2-fer thursday

and in other news…..

Thank you, all, for your tender & kind emails and texts.  i know you are each right.  and i take your words in with the love that they were sent with.  my head won't wrap it up right now, though, preferring to go to mush.  and so i will let it have it's way with me for a bit.  not long.  just enough to acknowledge and not simply shovel over.  as is my M.O.
so, back to the drawing board…another day.  perhaps.

meanwhile, it is a tiara day...

can't seem to escape pink, thank you Sarah.

i feel like digging a hole and climbing in.  with some good tea and fluffy comforters, of course.  yesterday i received unofficial word that i did not get the job i spent 3+ hours interviewing for.  it was a job that i dared hope for, and felt confident that i would be 1 of 10 people added to their rosters.  yesterday, i got a text from a friend who is a supervisor there saying she heard they hired everyone and did i get notified?  i hadn't.  and it was just.so.disheartening.  I re-ran the entire interview in my head, and can't imagine i was anything but exactly what they want.  a fact i know, because i worked there for so many years before.  why call me in, unless there was a chance?  and my test scores were high.  so much so that i officially give up.  i don't understand this…a person with my qualifications should not be turned down or ignored from every job they apply for …for the past 18 months.  my husband's ex was a headhunter and said there is a bias among employers regarding older workers.  i would never have believed it.  but i do now.  experience is not a hot commodity in today's job market.
but i can't take the rejection from employers, and the rejection at home at the same time.  it is too overwhelming.  so i will curl up and hide for a while…maybe make some more artwork, maybe not.  just lick my wounds for a bit, get my sense of Self back, then re-emerge and kick some more ass.  meanwhile, include me in your thoughts and prayers, please.

dead Bobbles and rust

woke up - cancelled everything - hit the studio with both feet…

you may recognize a certain pirate friend here:

and this one still needs finishing, but a good start...

meanwhile, Henry was frustrated and had much pent up energy.  I went downstairs for another coffee, and there was a trail of fluff down the stairs, through the livingroom and under the dining room table.  and there was a deflated & sad looking Bobble - his brand new toy.  i get it that he's been trapped inside for the better part of a month, due to the freezing weather.  i get it that there's usually just 1 day a week that his girlfriend Sadie can come over due to this same cold weather.  but i spend the better part of my life entertaining him, and expect 1 day to in the studio without worry.  but then, he is a dog, and has different reasonings than i do.  and doesn't remember yesterday - just this very moment.  *sigh*  so i guess i'll finally shower and step into normal life, and maybe get some play time in with that little goober.  stay warm.

all we need is a drummer

yes.

right, solid, right on








an early morning mile leaves a lot of time for music.  and musing.

we are all in this life together

ignore the year in the video…ignore the part that it's advertising for a shoe…look at the sentiment…Make It Count.  Make it count.  And listen to the commitment to themselves, and to each other…helping many to help themselves…today, Make it count.  Because y-o-u matter.



in other news…husband is in Orlando for a conference.  why don't they have them someplace normal? it's always tropical, warm, fun…Palm Springs, St. Thomas, California.  and always in the depths of winter.  and spouses are not welcome.  although there is nothing preventing me from grabbing a JetBlue anywhere I want to go.  Little Henry may not appreciate being shoved under a seat for a few hours, but…
today we broke double-digits, so a walk is in order.  he has cabin fever and is just about to explode.  i called a local doggie daycare, but he is 1 vaccination short of being able to come in for an interview.  and i thought i remember the vet saying something icky about the bordatella.  oy - he is dragging the draft dodgers away from the doors, so i'd better go….
Make it Count today….make your life mean something important to someone….

Henry had a little company tonight for the game…er…not so little...

 here's perspective on size….

Henry was covered in slobber after Big Friend left, and needed a bath, which was NOT how he had planned to end the evening.  Purrl came in to watch, and accidentally fell in.  following much pandemonium, they felt a time out was in order….

and soon i join them.  You should know how excited i am that i had a lengthy job interview yesterday.  despite smacking my hand on the snowblower and other miscellaneous monkey wrenches, i made there and did the 2.5 hour testing, followed by more testing, followed by a double-team interview.  now i wait.  it felt good to get back in the game, at least a little bit.  the job is difficult & stressful, but the pay is amazing.  fingers crossed.  it's in God's hands now.  1 bad thing would be that I'd have to cancel my plans to get back into the woods this spring - no days off allowed during training and the 6 month probation.  and $35/hour is worth it to me to cancel.  much as it would disappoint me, and as much as i would miss my girltribe even more.  okay - to bed for me.

wishing you friends of all sizes who understand you.

dream until your dreams come true….

what is your favorite cliche?

it is cold and icy.  and i fell again.  now enough of this.  gravity must be worse now that the temps are lower *smile*  But my back is not happy, and my arms and hands are cramping, despite heat packs.  i've been keeping to my walking schedule, and have new boot studs to hopefully keep me upright.  last night proved to be a problem as i tried to sleep…by 5am, i had tossed and turned out of my own bed onto the couch and finally into the guest bed.  fell somewhat asleep till henry came looking for me and curled up against my knees, making any movement impossible.  i love him, but pound for pound he takes up waaay more space in the bed than he is due.  tomorrow i start working on another project that's been tickling through my head.  and i am re-starting the virus/pollen/bacteria project.  that's been slow but steady, but i want to step it up a bit.  looking for a gallery to show the Conversation series.  I've renamed it Conversation With Chaos, rather than have it aligned with a specific type of chaos…it can be defined as any unexpected, unwanted, and intrusive event(s) in your life…not just disease.
so it's time for a heating pad.  more with pictures tomorrow.

negative negative negative

it is negative 17 degrees out.  i mean, after negative 10, it's just showing off.  no sleep last night.  wicked pain.  wicked nightmares.  plans to rest and nap with Hen today, but feel like i should be going to a local job fair.  a long list of participating employers held promise, but when i checked closer the opportunities were for truck drivers and high techies…nothing in between.  feeling a bit useless these days, as my fiber project is finished and back from the photog, but nothing new dancing on my table.  lots of ideas for a project, but no ambition.  are you depressed yet?? the sun is shining, though, and my studio is brightly lit.  Hen is napping on my lap, refusing to go outside to potty, and still unsure if he'll be in trouble if he uses the wee wee pads i set out in a big square for him.  husband does not want him using them, but i say It's Too Cold For Man OR Beast outside.  no wonder pupper is confused.  the voices grew loud last night.  i am making an executive decision to walk the treadmill, shower, and go back to bed.  i envy those with a purpose today.

let your true self be seen.

whaaa

yes.  we have cold & Snow again.  lots of both.  Henry is not happy.  he is eating the rug in protest.  if that would work, i'd eat it too.  his girlfriend came over yesterday for a wild run, so at least there's that.  husband & i started out the day on the wrong foot, so it should be a loooong weekend.  again.  but i have too much to do in the studio to get sucked into all that nastiness.  i just had waffles with berries and VANILLA flavored cool whip, so i'm all sunshine inside.  Bulimia cat is napping on the fiber piece I just finished for a juried exhibition.  nice.  thanks.  my neighbor's husband has been banished to the outdoors to smoke, and i can smell it come in the leaky windows of my studio.  i can't believe i used to smell like that.  and i hope it doesn't settle into my fiber work.  i took the pieces to be photographed for the entry, but can't get them attached to the form.  of course, the deadline is monday.  aaarrgghh.  it will only save as a web archive, the bastardly thing, and i need it as a jpeg.  will continue to try.  so by 9am, the stress fairy was chasing me down.  but i have a secret weapon, so be gone stress fairy.  and i'm off to the frozen tundra to walk away from this bad fairy.  my walking plan is going so well!  who knew?

didja ever have a throw down tantrum because something you reeeeeelly really wanted didn't happen?  i know i have.  and usually, when i look back, i say "Holy Crap! I'm glad that didn't happen!"  so I guess the universe spins in exactly the way it should.  thank God.  or else I'd be in sub-zero temps on a NH mountaintop with a dog of tropical descent freezing my own tutu off, likely drifted in till the rescuers came in the spring.  or something like that.  so as disappointed as I was, i knew enough not to throw down, because so many many "disappointments" in my life have turned out to be Someone Up There looking out for my silly self.
Here's wishing you all the best disappointments….

i don't know if the weather affects me as it does some, but i do know yesterday was mostly gloomy out, and i was stuck to the couch with a case of the blues.  and a few greys.  poor Henry must wonder what the big deal is with birthdays, since his was spent mostly snuggled next to me.  the thing is this:  I've been casting my net out there for a Big Girl job, to no avail.  nothing coming back…no callbacks, no email returns.  to the point where i wondered if my emails and resumes became invisible in cyberspace. I usually have an attitude to Keep On Trying, but at a certain point, defeat starts to creep in.  and i know the problem, if i'm honest with myself:  after so many years of being my own boss, and having the luxury of being easy with my heart on the days when my heart needed Slow and Gentle, and spending the day in bed when that was called for, or racing excitedly through the woodspath when that was calling me…i wonder if i can make it behind a desk in a cubicle again.  i wonder if i'll feel like a broken pony.  and the dual edge sword - the income will allow options.  options that for all these years of talk, may still be difficult to exercise.  There are many times, when the days seem bleak, that i think "Thank God there is someone to make sure."  There are many times, when the nightmares come one after the other at night, that i think "Thank God there is someone to make sure."  and though in my waking times, on good days, it is not usually bearable that someone is there.  that someone.  so it comes down to selfishness and survival, i suppose.  sheesh, and today started out promising!  sorry to be so depressing.  but the tendrils of yesterday are still attached just a tad.  a small tad.  i sent an email to a former co-worker, now a manager, and gave her a general sense of my attempts to rejoin my former job.  i asked her to please let me know if there was a reason why i would not be a good candidate to return.  i am hoping for her honesty, no matter what direction it is.  i do have hope in that another former employee was rehired last year - after 5 years trying.  she had been on disability after being hit by a car. the day her short term disability ran out, they found a way to send her on her way.  she lost everything. but her dignity.  she was friends with the ceo, and still had to fight her way back in.  i have hope.  why would anyone want to try so hard?  i like it there.  and better the devil you know, as they say.  okay - henry is bouncing off the ceiling, wanting attention, so time to get going.  i adore him.  totally smitten.
wishing you a day of answers.