yesterday's mail brought a bubble pack envelope addressed to my husband from an address i didn't recognize. it is within my job title to open any & all mail that arrives here - no matter who it's addressed to. i generally open everything, even his personal mail, because it gets lost in a huge vortex in his office...a babylon of junk mail, sailing magazines, work RFQ's, and probably snacks. so i open and find the proper place for them. this appeared to be yet another Camillus Knife won on ebay. who needs so many?? but. it's harmless and cheap, so i remain silent. but instead of ebay winnings, out came a round white pancake which, when turned over, had a tiny paw print and some white fur-hairs embedded in it. the name Nikki was stamped in a semi-circle around it. and i don't need to tell you how emotional i got. i took it over to the container with her ashes (that has her pretty-pink-collar-with-jewels-on-it around the box) and set it on top, next to Kita's and next to Bear's. slightly in front, because that's how she rolled when she was alive. I don't know how long it takes to heal over. i wish i could say. because people have asked...some wanting the information for their own heart, and some impatiently not understanding the grief that makes itself comfortable in your heart "even when it's just a pet" that you lose sight of. i'll ask the cat, because (s)he's been constantly sleeping in all of diva's places...all the places that smell of her. and i am not ashamed to say that i have a towel that smells of her from her last bath that i will never wash. that when i feel most missing her, i take a big lungful of her.
i have a new friend from the building, Erin Meharg, who makes "vessels for newly sacred objects," which is reliquary jewelry. I have the capability of making these for myself, but would never get through it. so Erin & I will discuss. She is a beautiful heart. even if she just beat me out of a studio i wanted :)
so before i go on in this sad vein, which i never intended, it's shower time. then meeting my stepson for coffee.
have a beautiful day.....