i should be packing for a brief overnight trip i leave for early tomorrow. but here i sit. all thought up with Adventure Planning pinging around in my head. Event planning. B-I-G event planning. and the more i think, the more thoughts i have, and the more thoughts i have, the more excited i get. it's always this way. the idea starts out huge. then grows. till it's impossible to get my hands around it. or my head around it. and then - it's just right. i am the do-er of big things, it seems. life, my life anyway, will putz along with barely a dimple on a radar...with barely enough snail energy to get from A to B. then a meteor hits and sparks fly and soon, i am sucked into the great vortex of planning and cajoling and assuring everyone that It Will Be Soooo Good. and then i worry that no one will show up and i start not sleeping and wondering what i was possibly thinking that i could ever ever pull this off. every single time this happens. and it always turns out pink frosting and glitter, so why do i worry? it's how i'm wired, I suppose. and this idea, this current tasmanian devil of an idea running rampant in my head (if you look me in the eyes steadily, you'll see it drooling and spinning past every few seconds) is hands-down The Biggest One yet. so exciting. and so here i sit in my regular clothes, but somehow with my bathrobe over them. staring.
when i went to the bookstore today to buy Paulo Coelho's new book, there was a paperback near it that espoused a link between great leaders and mental illness. Lincoln, Kennedy, etc. Call me crazy, but that's a little disconcerting. luckily, i am not a great leader, or even a good leader. i am way too particular, and a certain type of control freak, to lead...that would imply that others were helping. and maybe it's just that i would prefer the finger-pointing to be focused on me, should something go horribly wrong...that i don't want anyone else to feel at fault (except for the really bad vet mentioned a few posts ago, who is afraid to tell me that they lost diva's paw print, but i'm not going to make this one easy for her and that's a different topic).
so i should be packing. and i hear the snowplow out front, and know i should leave for the train even earlier than planned, but have no way to reach my driver tonight. so i should pack and sleep. or at least lay down. for someone with so much fatigue, i am having a difficult time with sleep. damn you, Lyme.
so - here's the deal. if you are my friend (and you know who you are), and we haven't talked/emailed/touched base in a while...i need to hear from you. i know everyone is busy. i am busy. but i really need a quick email that says "hello," or i will know that our friendship is a fond remembrance.
ok. now to pack.