post #2: why it's important to pick the right hair color

i come from a long line of cautious women. at least as far back as my great-grandmother, Mina, although she had stellar moments of bravery and kick-ass-edness that are legendary. however, the gene pool was weakened from that point on, or perhaps lives were more complicated than running a lumber yard old-school with horses and recently returned-from-the-war sons and brothers and no other men in sight for many a mile. perhaps, or not. but suffice it to say that i am adventurous, but very cautious. and yesterday, as i enjoyed a nice steamy shower with new bath scrub, the fire alarm went off in the hallway upstairs. i grabbed a towel and ran through the house, and then realized that it was the steam from the shower that triggered it - i had forgotten to turn on the fan in the bathroom, since i don't smoke anymore and only used the fan to evacuate ciggie smoke. but the bugger wouldn't shut off, so i had a cat on a 2nd story ledge freaking out, diva dropping a poo at my feet and i finally had to jump up and rip the screaming bastardly beeping plastic thing off the wall. it was still attached by wires, but it shut right up. honey badger don't care about safety. just zen. and mine was on the ledge with bulimia cat (now known as "fly whisperer.") fast forward to today. my roots are growing in as fast as corn at Hafner's farm, so i decided Today Would Be The Day to color my hair. i am cheap and do it at home, resulting in a many-flavored look, depending on which box attracted me...Brown Sugar? Acorn? Navaho? well, today it was some John Frieda foam stuff. and pretty much just after i had my hair slathered, the doorbell rang. and rang. and rangrang. crap - the mailman? i'm expecting a package, but why doesn't he just LEAVE it on the DOORSTEP like he always does - could be diamonds, could be a newspaper...he just leaves it. (it's never diamonds, fyi). then i hear the backdoor opening, and i wonder if i locked the inside door? i figured it was my stepson, come to kill me after yesterday's ongoing drama. i had to look. nope - Perfect Stepdaughter. working in the area and needed to charge her phone & use the potty. so after all that chaos, it was time for the rinse-and-condition-and-general weeping portion of this home haircoloring to save $100. but i was distracted by thoughts of hair failure and near death doorbell ringing, and just jumped in the shower. yes. it happened again with the beepbeepbeep, but this time, i knew what it was, probably, and let it go, not knowing that my neighbor (the volunteer fireman) was home today, and a smoke detector sound to a fireman is like waving a rabbit in front of a greyhound. so as I shampooed and conditioned, my only worry was if i had picked the right box of color. and it was a scary thought, shallow as that sounds, because we're going out on a date tonight, and i didn't want to have to hide under a hat of some sort. (we're going to see Dralion, and don't tell my husband how much i paid for the tickets. he believes the ad that says "tickets starting at $35." i think they meant "programs" starting at $35, because for $35 you aren't even seated in the building - i think they hand you a VHS of the show and move you through the "special door" to the left and out into the parking lot). but back to beepbeepbeep-fireman-cat on a ledge. meanwhile, most likely thankful for her deafness, diva awoke and stretched and came into the bathroom to see where i was. i started flapping a towel from inside the shower, in effort to dissipate the steam. the towel - the only one in the bathroom - got soaked with shower water and was useless. i climbed out of the shower and turned on the fan, hoping for the best. and as i paused a moment, heard at least 2 of my neighbors yelling my name through the open slider. i am wet & naked. and not at all certain of my haircolor. all i wanted was a haircoloring experience like on tv, with swings and sexy smiles, and only hairdressers knowing fo' sho'. this is not what i got. so when i say Be Careful To Pick The Right Haircolor, i know what i'm talking about. do not let the distraction of it all distract you from important things. like fans.