there's so much talk about "finding yourself," and so much effort and money expended on workshops and retreats and books and podcasts designed to help you do just that. we are a culture obsessed with individuality. that's not a bad thing...it's actually a great & exciting thing! but i think people often stress out too much trying to find their "unique-ness" ...their journey...their purpose. when oftentimes all that's needed is a quick gut check - "how does this make me feel?" whether it's an article of clothing or a friendship or a career path...how does it make you feel? does it resonate with you? does it feel natural? does it reflect the inner expression of yourself? that's the journey...following the gut. and that outward expression of the inner you is what will ripple out into the world, designing your journey. i had a long conversation with a friend the other night (our once or twice monthly phone date) and within all our talk, came the subject of how people relate to other people. i notice when i am distracted and not "in the moment" as i go about my errands, i am treated like "just the next customer" wherever I go. when i'm smiling and making eye contact with a clerk or passerby, and happy and laughing and wishing them a good day - wow. noticeable difference in our 60-second connection. when i was paralyzed, people would address the person i was with, rather than me - as in "does she want milk or coffee?" and when i was heavy, i was more invisible than ever. in my day-to-day, i keep my inner-surveillance going for any judgments about others based on appearance...it is the heart that i listen to...what does my gut say about them. have you ever met someone that you have an instant & visceral dislike of? like magnets facing the wrong way. your gut is usually trying to tell you something. as usual, i'm not sure where this ramble is headed, but it seemed important, for some reason, to write it. stopping and waiting and despairing about what your purpose is - a waste of time. start living, start molding the clay on the wheel and soon you will know. for so many years i wanted my career to be as an artist. but for those so many years, i also recognized that quitting my Big Girl job "for art" was a lie...i was using art as an excuse to heave-ho a job that was stressful. once i was able to put every part of my life in proper perspective, then i felt the inner release to go and do. i knew i'd have to work harder at being a professional artist than at any other job i've ever worked. i knew it would take 18-hour days, days a week, and working through the doubts and fears and grass-is-greener and blah blah blah. but i knew the time was right for me. and, with sweaty palms, i listened. and here i am. where that "here" is, well, it's still defining itself. and until i feel that definition, i will keep it small, and keep it real. so part of my point is that it's perfect and wonderful to live each day with a grin in your heart, knowing that your path & journey are before you - it's about the little details of the day.