a Tiny description

a full time artist, stepmother, radio personality, and mom to an energetic Chug dog, tries to get through the days without committing a felonious act. My life is a rickety Zen circus.

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Friday, July 08, 2011

power. where do we get it? who do we give it up to? when do we feel most powerful? least powerful? i'm not talking about "power" in the Snidely Whiplash way...i guess i mean more of an "empowerment" idea. we are all born with the empowerment we need for our own personal journey. i believe that with all my heart. and those times when you feel so In The Flow? that's when you know you're on the right track. so often we give up our power to others...let them take from us...let their words or actions convince us we are anything other than the cape-wearing, love-glowing children of the Divine that we are. we get caught up in all the meaningless details. a favorite exercise of mine is to sit quietly and expand my view...if i have something niggling at me, i concentrate on it and try to feel every last atom of fury or confusion or hurt it may be causing...really feel it, and let it grow for a minute...then take my view back a step...how will this effect me tomorrow? then another step...in a week, will this seem just as important? then again...in a year, if i look back at this, will it be that much of a game-changer? till finally ...if i had a phone conversation with someone who just lost their home to fire, or a child to disease, or is starving in another country (or this one), would this issue that's creating all sorts of horror inside, this issue that has stopped my day to capture my attention...would this issue be a blip on the radar? would i be embarrassed by it, in the face of all that is truly disappointing & bad in the world? if the answer is "no, it isn't that important after all," then i take some breaths, and think of some random act of kindness to do...usually the planning alone will chase the nasty out. that's not to say that i will allow someone to take a pass on bad behavior, but i just won't let it fester and spoil in me. and addressing the matter from a better place, always produces better results. on occasion, we give up our power...that's what leaving radio & working a "normal" job felt like. it was the Big Girl thing to do. and there i languished for a number of years, still craving the fun of doing a morning radio show, but too tired of getting up at 2am and shoveling the driveway and walking the dog and drinking gallons of coffee in order to get to the studio and prep for the show and be in bed when most people are having an afternoon coffee break. and honestly, wanting neither. i know that art is where i belong. i am learning Trust now, and it is just the hardest lesson for me...i'd rather do something myself and bollocks it up, rather than hope that someone else comes through - even if that Someone is God. He and I have a strange relationship...me, a born-again Jewish Buddhist ordained minister from the Church of Universal Light. try fitting that on your passport. i have my own beliefs that don't fit through a particular worship house door, no matter how wide they throw open the welcome. but i do believe strongly in God, and in Jesus, which made my Sunday School teacher have multiple conferences with my parents before i was allowed to stay home and watch cartoons on sunday. and i do pray. not like in high school, in that panic-moment bargaining prayer. but i'm not ashamed to say this, even though believing in God is not as cool as some other beliefs, and people are always afraid they're about to be judged or thumped with a Bible. no, not that kind of born-again. so as usual I'm off-track. but i guess wherever you feel you get empowerment from, hold it. nourish it. don't use it to kabong someone in the heart with it...know it is your gift to help you on your journey...in your unique purpose for being here...the place in the puzzle where you fit. and when you find that spot, that inkling, that blast of empowerment...move with it...we need you...

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