gifties

i swear, even with all the stress & commotion of getting ready for this art show, all i see around me are little gifties...and the attitude of "it's almost my birthday" has sunk down in me deep. it's not almost my birthday, no worries, although a bi-annual event would be fun. just that low-grade excitement that something Good is just around the corner. and it has been. everyday. i asked my Queen to help manifest something into my life. my mental jury is out on the whole "name it and claim it" line of thought, but i do believe that when you want something bad, and you concentrate on that thing, you are giving focus and life to a dream. and that focus guides your actions, whether intentionally or subconsciously, and you find yourself saying "yes" to things that take you steps closer to that goal. then some pixie dust gets mixed in, and BAMMO! there it is. so, not a real scientific way of thinking, but for sure it's logical. and all along this pixie dust-sprinkled path lately, there have been little encouragements and nudges that Yes - now is the time for this...for you. My friend (and oooh that gives me a snuggly feeling to call her "friend")Christine has some artwork with these words on it..."Your wings already exist...all you have to do is fly." and for these many years, i'd look at that and think "lovely." yesterday something caught the edge of my peripheral vision, as i worked yet another spreadsheet. wings. and i said, right out loud, Damn! but it sounded more like "daaay-am" because it was a thoughtful, smiling sort of thing. and i realized the truth in the words for myself. this year i have watched as everyone started every sentence with "in this economy" as if it were a new country called "economy" where everyone lived to the highest mediocrity and talked in hushed tones, and became as amish as possible. we lost our spark of delight. and i also watched as my friend Georgia took flight like a rocket, launching her new book with a VIP event in Chicago, presenting at large & important conventions in DC, watching as she followed her passion of poetry, and as poetry thanked her for her tending of it and paid her bills and watered the garden in her soul. watching her stars align. and my friend Dan - having one thing after the other test him, but he stood firm and kept moving forward, and his art thanked him and paid him back in ways unimaginable "in this economy." and all around me, opportunities opened for me...kindnesses were practically flung at me...studios, teaching, kind words, and kind actions. and some of the best art i've ever made, coming from a wellspring inside me that i never knew existed. from a place, different than it's ever come from before...not from pain or disillusionment or sadness, but from gratitude and possibility and some other spot that refuses to be defined. so you know, i'd like to get an exit visa from this new country of "in this economy," and move past the smoke and mirrors. yes - i am not witless....the economy in this country is hard. very hard. difficult like most of us have never seen before. but i want to shake the attitude that everything needs to be muted and cautious around the edges. i want to continue to dream and be optimistic, and not feel badly for doing so. i want to be able to be aware of, and sensitive to, the fact that some very close to me are struggling financially, but don't want to color my outlook with doom. i want the dreams and sparks within me to glow and light a path. dreams with focus and possibility wrapped around them. and day by day, i see these things being woven in and it would take a complete dolt not to see the gifties being given to me. i accept those gifts, and the ones yet to come, because i see them there - out of the corner of my eye. and those wings fit very nicely.