so for the past 2 days i've been trying to take my own advice, and give my notice at my job. why so long, you may ask, when any other intelligent being would simply say "You'll notice my absence in 2 weeks," or some such. but noooo. i have to go to my boss who sends me to her boss who is in a meeting then finally is free and contrives this time off and/or part time thing to which i'm amazed and flattered and frustrated. i need to leave sooner rather than later. but they want me. they like me. but i know i'm doing the right thing. in most moments. then there are some other moments where i say WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING?? and i don't want to be a thinker, i want to be a do-er. and so i try to stop thinking (not so hard for me as it turns out since i've been falling asleep at my desk on a regular basis. like, snoring falling asleep). but i need to do this. and i'm a wreck because, although husband has known on a certain level, we haven't had that definitive discussion. the one where i dream he says all manner of supportive things and we kiss and drive to the beach. (there's no beach here. we are landlocked). but i just Know it has to be done. so following another painful meeting today where i am urged to apply for FMLA, i finally put the lid on it before i rupture something in my head or heart. i typed out a resignation letter. addressed it to all 3 bosses, paused, said a prayer, and hit send. and felt my life drop into my stomach with the same intensity as a high rise elevator during rush hour. but it was done. yes, it can be undone. but it cannot. and i step forward into my dreams. i have been at this job for 5 years, and that is amazing to me. as amazing as the fact that this july will be my 10th wedding anniversary. time does indeed fly. i have so much to say on the day's events, but need to sort everything out into it's proper mental bin before i ramble nonsensically. as if. but be with me on this next left turn of my journey to myself. or should i say "right" turn. no really - be with me. because i'm confident and excited and scared shitless.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
so for the past 2 days i've been trying to take my own advice, and give my notice at my job. why so long, you may ask, when any other intelligent being would simply say "You'll notice my absence in 2 weeks," or some such. but noooo. i have to go to my boss who sends me to her boss who is in a meeting then finally is free and contrives this time off and/or part time thing to which i'm amazed and flattered and frustrated. i need to leave sooner rather than later. but they want me. they like me. but i know i'm doing the right thing. in most moments. then there are some other moments where i say WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING?? and i don't want to be a thinker, i want to be a do-er. and so i try to stop thinking (not so hard for me as it turns out since i've been falling asleep at my desk on a regular basis. like, snoring falling asleep). but i need to do this. and i'm a wreck because, although husband has known on a certain level, we haven't had that definitive discussion. the one where i dream he says all manner of supportive things and we kiss and drive to the beach. (there's no beach here. we are landlocked). but i just Know it has to be done. so following another painful meeting today where i am urged to apply for FMLA, i finally put the lid on it before i rupture something in my head or heart. i typed out a resignation letter. addressed it to all 3 bosses, paused, said a prayer, and hit send. and felt my life drop into my stomach with the same intensity as a high rise elevator during rush hour. but it was done. yes, it can be undone. but it cannot. and i step forward into my dreams. i have been at this job for 5 years, and that is amazing to me. as amazing as the fact that this july will be my 10th wedding anniversary. time does indeed fly. i have so much to say on the day's events, but need to sort everything out into it's proper mental bin before i ramble nonsensically. as if. but be with me on this next left turn of my journey to myself. or should i say "right" turn. no really - be with me. because i'm confident and excited and scared shitless.
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2 comments:
I am right beside you girl - holding your hand and cheering you forward. I'm sooooooo proud for you - you did it!! You took the leap!!!! Wow - just WOW!!
There must be a strength guiding you go make these changes,Linda, to face these scary things with a certainty that gets you through it! Sending good juju to you, Lovely One, and love!
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