confession

i have a confession: i may have misrepresented a bit. not intentionally. it was inner confusion. not really inner confusion, though. it was more like saying what i expected i would be feeling at this juncture in my life. the truth, as i saw it today: i am not scared shitless. i feel free and confident and excited and huge and successful and certain. i feel looked-after by angels, and guided. i am flying, eyes wide open, hair on fire, electrified and grinning ear to ear. there is no time for being scared...there is no place for it in my life. i have spent 30+ years being / doing / living the way that was expected or needed at the time. no more. i have spent most of my life in a semi-martyr state, pushing aside my own dreams in order to make someone else's life easier. no more. it is my time. and if, in that time, i choose to pass up an opportunity in favor of someone else's moment, then it will be done as a choice - not an expectation. i could just explode with the feelings.