Monday, March 30, 2009
i'm not going to say the name of the drug i'm taking to quit that bad habit, but you know the one. it starts with a "C" and every time i name it in my blog, i get 1k emails from the company somewhat spamishly just saying hello. but THAT drug is whoopin my behind...i may as well not even try to sleep at night, for all that i wake up... 4 times an hour last night...i counted. of course, day sleeping seems to work fine, except when the boss comes by. and i'm all intensly weepy and emotional and depressed and of course it is entirely my husbands fault somehow and besides he picks the past 3 weeks to be out of town all 3 weeks except for a day here and there when he comes home to get his laundry done and bitched out for something. so i waver nano-minute by nano-minute between being so beyond pissed at him that i want him to move out, and then crumbling into a puddle thinking how horrible that would be, then coming back to center with the whole Whatever attitude. and of course, because this is ME...let's throw in some perimenopausal hormonal highs and lows, and sweetness, you've got a recipe for something toxic to be around, though somewhat interesting to watch from a safe distance. i do not know which end is up. it is EXHAUSTING to be me right now and i just want to crawl into my bed (yes INTO, much like Alice in the Looking Glass) and hide away for a while. maybe 6 months. do i stop the drug? do i keep smoking? which is the lesser of the evils? because each has their own special little nudge and hell. my dog is even disgusted with me, i'm certain of it. the cats could care less. mutual feelings there. well i'm going to NYC. with or without the husband, although he claims his schedule will be magically freed up the day i picked. maybe i'll just forget to get off exit 35 some day and keep heading east. the ocean is east. (right?) i sent him a meeting confirmation email. we have just lost that spark, eh? so name some places i shouldn't miss...some un-touristy places that you happened on by accident. now, i've written and erased about 5 things here that just sound so darn snippy even to me, so i'm just going to go to bed now. i am a slice of pie tonight, for goodness sake. so i'm off to puddle up my pillow. L.
at 9:44 PM