the great white tundra

ahhh yes! can i BE any more excited? NO I CAN'T! it snowed real good last night, and today i got to try out my new XC skiis!! never mind that it has been 30 years to the month since i last did this...it's like riding a bike, right? hmmm, now that i think about it, THAT was a little shaky upon re-entry, as well. anyway...i am so excited about having BREATH since i stopped smoking on august 14th, and have been looking forward to this moment. i decided i would do yoga & power walk in the spring/summer/fall, and do yoga & xc ski in the winter. nice plan, right? so i layer a few cottons on, put on my short-bus earflap hat, & head to the garage for my new skis! this will be so much fun. weird skis, hmm. okay all set. except the plow came and the road to the park is asphalt & salt, so across my neighbors yards i go...i mean, this should just be a matter of heaving ho and away i go, right? (heaving ho indeed, as i will soon know). oops - snowblower...good dodge. neighbor hysterical at the site of me, as he lights up a cigarette. asks if i have my cell phone. ha ha very funny. ok - the park. pure pristine snow. kinda deep snow. with sticky icy stuff under it that is sticking to my ski. and pulling my left leg back. way back. but the front one is going forward real well....hunh. oh ouch. ok. try again. now don't get discouraged. it's only been 5 minutes and it will take a bit SSSHHHIITTT the hill that goes straight into the pond!! THAT hill! crap. thank god for the bench. although i'll have a benchmark for some time. i made it down the "trail" to the echo echo tunnel...and i say Trail as if there was some groomed passageway with a martini bar set up and warming huts at intervals. no. this is Trail - as in where the Path would be if you could see it and it was summer. which it isn't. and i have 3" globs of sticky icy snow on 1 ski and not so much on the other. so i lift the ski up (you know what's coming, right?) i lift it up, you see, to clear away the clumps so i can better "ski" home. there are pine needles all jammed in this train wreck of a ski. and i say "ski home" as if that is indeed what i have done to get to where i am. in fact, it's been more of a march with skis on. i am sweaty and red-faced and puffing and now laying on my side in the snow because the 1 ski left on the ground suddenly WOKE up and ....skiied! before i was ready. so i ski-marched back toward my house. when i got to the road, i took off the skis so as not to alarm my neighbor. as i went past Debbie's house, a wimper escaped....she's been sick sick sick. she would have known what to do...she always does. so i jammed my poles & skis in the ground, walked to the center of her front yard and flopped down in the snow. and made a perfect snow angel for her. get well soon debbie, before i kill myself. you are my voice of reason, even without your voice. and so my friends, this is the Incident of the Heaving Ho. L.