a Tiny description

a full time artist, stepmother, radio personality, and mom to an energetic Chug dog, tries to get through the days without committing a felonious act. My life is a rickety Zen circus.


Tuesday, July 09, 2013

yes, I know - it's been a while since I landed here to share random bits that fly out of my brain.
It's been hot and rainy and humid Every Single Day, which in February would be nice to grab a little of!  But all strung together like this, it just saps my motivation.  we've had Florida's weather - building humidity in the morning leading to pretty intense rain in the afternoon.  But you didn't come here to talk about the weather, did you?
okay then - how about this...an all-inclusive art camp on a private island?  yes.  includes supplies.  yes.  I can feel the ahhh now!  wanna?  just 7 spots left.
This is a self-care time for me...today, a mole gets checked at the dermatologist, next week, the endocrinologist takes a look at my thyroid (i simply do not eat enough to cause this amount of weight gain), and next month the orthodontist will begin correcting what some bad dentistry did.  I'd say that all qualifies as self care!
some back-to-back travel time coming ... husband has a sudden need to go to Wisconsin to visit relatives.  a 15-hour drive.  yes, the 2 of us in a car for 15 hours.  we won't make it down the street.  the day we get home (or released on our own recognizance), I do laundry, repack and go to Art Camp (above), then leave from there to go to My Rock Fairy's house for some incredible girl time.  A little pre-stressed about the schedule, but will ease into it and ahhhh as soon as we begin.  Am looking forward to most of the itinerary!  not the drive(s).  maybe i'll just abandon my car and fly.  or just not drive back.  :)
Recently, my thoughts have turned and returned to friends from the past...in dreams and in waking moments, a friend's face will come into focus and I'll wonder why our relationship seemed to just melt away...why we stopped calling one another or emailing or getting together...sometimes communications spacing themselves out in the progression of a busy life interrupting a sought-after life...sometimes abruptly and without warning and with no chance for reconciliation.  I think everyone has had friendships like these, so there's no use beating yourself up over it, wondering What Did I Do??  I think if you've been a "bestie" with someone long enough, and one of those 2 scenarios happens, it's a shame either way.  "busy" is a very sad excuse for not keeping in touch with a HeartThread.  Carpools and family events and work and everything that goes into a day can leave not-a-crumb's worth of time.  But I contend that there's always a minute somewhere to rip off a quick email saying Sorry I'm So Busy But I Love You.  and the 2nd scenario - to abruptly cut off all communication without explanation...well, that's just hurtful.  intentionally hurtful.  I've been on the receiving end of it and for some time would email the person asking what was up, but I realized that one of two things were happening;  either they were at a place where things were ready to explode in their life, and to speak of it would pop the balloon and irreparable events would begin.  Or, they were just following what they learned and were being hurtful.  I have to admit that I had a close friend many many years ago - we saw each other every day and spoke on the phone as much, also.  Following a bad breakup of a rubbish relationship, I needed to Just Be Alone with myself...there were a whole bunch of life changes going on at once, and i couldn't be the type of friend i wanted to be.  so i shut everyone out.  her included.  I saw her once since then - she came to one of my art openings with a mutual friend.  It was awkward.  what do you say after all that time?  here's what you say:  you look the person in the eye, and say, from the heart, I'm Sorry.  that's all it will take.  yes, they are due an explanation, because you held their heart for so long.  and if distance prevents the look-in-the-eye part, then a phone call will do.  it's that simple, and that complex at the same time.  women are built for grudge, but they are also built for forgiveness.  it's part of our survival makeup.  the whole "fool me once" thing.  there is a website called regrets and apologies where you can also lay these tracks down...a practice run, or maybe the intended recipient is unavailable. love it.
my wish for you today is that you will leave trails of sweetness wherever you go...

1 comment:

Kim Mailhot said...

I wonder some times about the whole friendships up and down, comings and goings and I think maybe we are only meant to walk with some people for a part of our journey and not for all of it. And that's okay. Keeping the energy of forgiveness and no regrets around the whole thing is the key though, I think you are right.
Glad we are walking this part together cause I think you are awesome.
Go slow and steady, Lady ! Lots of good stuff along the way.
Love ya !