out of the closet

yep.  i'm outting myself.  as a chubby girl.  i was talking to a friend the other night, and she said it just felt so delicious once she realized she would never be thin again - not the kind of thin that shows up in magazines.  not the kind of thin that she and I once were, that's nearly impossible to maintain with the help of major blocks of workout time, minor portions of food, and prescription help.  yes.  we wore size zero.  nothing.  zero.  is that even a size? but as life and age and circumstance and quitting bad habits and forming other good habits and so many twists and turns came and went - we became chubby girls.  and we both realized at the same time that it was pointless to pretend otherwise...pointless to try to be size 2-wearing 20 year olds.  we simply aren't, and that thought is so ridiculous that i'm laughing out loud right now.  here, wait.  ok, better.  there has been so so much in-between that there is no holding on to that 20-year old ideal.  even 20-year olds don't hold it.  and there really is so much more going on.  so anyway, back to the conversation with my friend.  she said she felt giddy and kept calling herself "chubby" when she talked to people.  and she realized that "this must be what a gay person feels when they admit to the world their big secret."  and in both cases, didn't people already guess??  so yes, we outted each other, laughed our asses off, and had a Skinny Cow ice cream.  because I still have 1000 of them in the fridge.  and they are good.  the sad thing is that since i stopped watching what i eat and relaxed on the whole weight issue - my new chubby girl pants don't fit so good now.  they are a bit large.  and i'm worried that i'll start losing weight before i get to wear all my new Lane Bryant stuff.  is it ever just easy??