did ya miss me??

oy vey...it has been a few weeks of incredible highs and lows...not so much bad, as challenging. and not so much good, but INCREDIBLE. if i was a person to use foul language - oh wait...i am - i would use my best, bluest, high-consonant content stuff on verizon. i would, except that after a 56 minute wait on hold, i never did reach anyone. but they realize that my time is valuable and are sorry for the wait. at least that's what i think they said - the music on hold is at volume 11, so i lost a few tonal ranges. i screamed at the recording...i cried and gnashed my teeth...i swore never NOT EVER to even use a word that starts with a "V" so as to avoid a PTSD-like situation triggered by the first letter of that hateful, uncaring company's name. and they are even ruder in person at their stores. suffice it to say that if they screw up your billing, and are threatening to shut off your husband's business phone, just go Sprint. or Magic Jack. or Skype. or Campbell soup can and string. it will be easier in the long run, because this shut-off will be the result of their 3 previous attempts to get it right, and they will have added and subtracted billing amounts so many times that they are not able to figure it out, and unwilling to say "tie goes to the runner...go in peace...$0 balance." like i used to do in my former department. i am getting re-angry, so let's change the subject while i mutter obscenities under my breath. ok. breathe. in other news...gooder news...i have had showers of blessings pouring down on me...a virtual rip tide of Good Stuff. i sat in my car at lunch today, after receiving 2 calls i was waiting for, and had to wipe the tears away. that good. soaked my chicken sandwich good. and there are big things afoot, and just teeny little twinkles of blessings...shadows of a ghost of a blessing that seems put there for the amusement and enjoyment of the Blessing Fairy. as i dripped in my car today, i heard a loud call outside, and looked to see my hawk! he was back in the tree for a brief, and loud, moment, as if to say "hello i'm going south have a good winter." i worried about him for a while, as he seemed disinclined to move on and hunt his own food - calling for mom all day in the hot sun. he finally got hungry enough. and he is fat fat fat! a few weeks ago, i went through the whole "I'm Invisible" thing. i mean, honestly...get over it, linda. but there it was. and then an incredible email conjured itself to me at The Precise Perfect Time. there were other things afoot in nearby woods that are being conjured. of this, i am certain. so i will wait with patience unknown to me and let things develop as they must...not from my hand. new topic, yet related: the award for the most pathetic whine goes to ....me! talking with my mother. "I just want to live somewhere where thermal underwear is sexy." new topic: feeling full and abundant and wonderful as i stopped for gas tonight, i doe-dee-doed my way around the car and was gripping the fueler thing when the wind blew ever so slightly, and something caught my eye near the top of the pumper roof thing....a brown recluse spider with a huge web. just about the most venomous nasty spider in this area. and as the wind blew this web, i was sure just positive absolutely certain that this thing (i can't say the word) would come flying at me with gale force momentum and kill me right there. or i would have a heart attack and just die. and then i sort of felt like maybe one had crawled down my collar and i didn't want to die naked, ripping my clothes off, hit by a car or bitten by a spider in the parking lot of the HessMart in baldwinsville. no i did not. there may be a story left behind to tell, but no rest for me in the hereafter. so i slowly just walked away. and stood there. in the rain. my car connected to the HessMart by way of a gasoline umbilical cord. and i owed $50 to the HessMart. i'm a regular there, so i went inside and told the manager as calmly as possible "there's a problem at pump 5. a Big Problem. A BIG FAT NASTY POISONNOUS SPIDER IS BLOCKING MY WAY BACK INTO MY CAR!" i may have gotten louder than i wanted, but i needed to get home. to pee. so you see the tender and tenuous state of mind i was in...starting out all happy la-la-la, then within minutes ... terror gripped my heart. this is no regular spider. google it if you don't believe me, but i warn you, squint if a picture comes up. so the manager refuses to kill it because he can't kill a living thing. translated means he's afraid too. and to be honest, it may be i caught him at a bad time for this - sober. but he does offer to walk me to my car and make sure it doesn't attack me. he Promises that he will take defensive action if the you-know-what makes the first move. sweet Jesus i'm starting to itch again. i am dubious. but need to get home. quick. i will not go in a gas station restroom. ever. which is where the spi**r probably vacations. so a disappointing end to the drama - i screwed up my courage and opened my car door, slightly pushing the manager toward the THING by accident, and i heard "uh oh" just as i slammed the door. and drove like the dickens home...whipping my hair around and scratching wherever i could, just Certain that there may have been TWO of them. i turned the heater on the seat to bake the living crap out of it, should it have attempted to shimmy down my shirt the brown bastard. who started this?? with all the good things to talk about now i'm totally freaked out and you know at 3am when a whisker glances across my cheek, i will send that whisker catapulting across the room by innocent mistake. retribution will come for me by 5am, i am certain, when i awaken to a a vomit comet racing across my bed. ok enough. time for a little easy listening music and maybe light a candle or something. hope your day was more stable.