you know, it's strange getting older. i still feel like i'm 20-something, but then i catch a glance in the mirror and EEK! there's my mother looking back at me. i worry that i'll be like that creepy/cool aunt that does not act her age...still wearing long denim skirts and peasant blouses and saying "right on!" (like my sister). i feel like i'm coming closer to knowing mySelf as the seasons change (daily here in upstate NY) and, though frustrating at times, is an easy feeling...laying back in a small boat on a sunny day, being gently lulled by the current. and the truth is that i DO feel most like mySelf wearing long skirts and peasant blouses and all manner of gypsy-wear, and don't say "right on," but lived in a time when everyone did. not just Canadians. and yes, i can rock a mullet, but choose not to. so i look at the clothes i wear to the cube farm everyday, and they don't say "me." and my hairstyle doesn't say "me." and something in me fights this - is confused...so i've become rough-edged and prickly...walls and barbs. but that little twinkle inside kept shining and fighting it's way to the top and kept reminding me of who i am ... deep inside. and now, the excavation continues. a few years ago, i started slowing down, mentally & intentionally - paying better attention to the details of the blessing of life that had been gifted to be...paying better attention to the things i allow into my life - good & bad...and i was amazed on both counts. so i began to weed through things, and clear out the things that were choking out the room for the good things. then rested for a while, and my creativity blossomed and my opportunities opened up. although i feel that i am true to myself, i don't feel that i project that...in my dress or, sometimes, in my speech & reactions. so i feel a softening of the edges beginning to work in me...a breaking down of the last defenses and