it's been a week. and that's all i have to say about that. surprisingly. but when something is so incredibly good or bad, it's often hard to find the words to express it. and in the case of the latter, which was My Week, all you can do is have a glass of wine. or two. or, in my case, since i don't drink...shop. so at 8:30 last night, i decided i needed more resin. the nearest place was closed - Hobby Lobby (and don't get me going on the discussion of corporate morals vs. my need for resin after 8pm or on sundays). but wait - if i drive very fast, but carefully, i can make it to AC Moore. ok. so i get there with 5 minutes to spare. how do i know i have 5 minutes? the clerk informed me when i walked in "you have FIVE minutes." 1 minute later she makes an announcement over the loudspeaker that sounded like this "iuerwfieqbcie TO THE CASHIER NOW cbuehyclohqdcn CLOSING." i grab who-knows-what-but-not-resin and head for the cashier. smarmy girl cashier. smarmy stock boy had already locked the doors, in case some other freak tried to force their way in, making them late, no doubt, for the underage drinking party they saw on facebook. a very pale couple had slid in behind me, and there was much consternation afoot. i asked the cashier if they had resin, and she said Walmart Is Open Til Midnight. i paid for my who-knows-whats and thought "Walmart...midnight..need stuff." the pale couple heard this too, and i felt a kinship. now, i am already sinking into the blue zone...i need a new job, my husband felt stressed so he headed up to the Manly Man Huntin Camp to fish for the weekend, and here i was...a perfectly good companion/friend who had had one of Those kind of weeks...scouting craft supplies alone on a friday night at 9pm. torn between feeling lonely and needing craft supplies, and guilty for leaving diva home alone after she waited all day (a milliion years in dog time) for me. wally world is on the way home, so i head over, with the Very Pale couple behind me. maybe we could all get a slurpie later? and just as i pulled into the parking lot, i felt so Loser-like. i am shopping at walmart on a friday night ALONE, save for two people that i have struck up an imaginary friendship with. even THEY have each other. woe is me. so i figure this will be an in-and-out trip...grab the things i'm looking for and head home...ooooh but there's the tshirt rack, and some other altogether shiny and twinkly stuff calling me. i browse. and then it hits me...i have to pee. not in a while...now. uh oh. i'm as far from the door as is possible, and you know i Will Not use a public restroom. not gonna happen. and it's starting to give me a headache and i have my arms full with a bag of cat food, a play ball for diva, an air freshener (that i don't recall picking up, for the record), an undercounter mounted light fixture (WTF) and a fluorescent long tubey bulb for it. no resin though. and then i spot the One Thing that will Change My Life..way down on the bottom shelf. where i have to bend over to get it which would squeeze my full-as-a-sponge bladder but i have to have This Thing...so i sort of teeter sideways, balancing my cartload of stuff not in a cart but in my arms because i just needed One Thing which is none of the things impeding me right then. and try to swing/swipe my right arm hoping to grab it like a brass ring on a carousel. missed. bend a little lower and swing/swipe again and the pressure, the pressure i tell you, is unlike anything ever experienced by any other human, of this i am sure. it is volcanic, to be current. and i am certain if i am not successful, i will never not ever return to this store. not even at christmas for cheap decorations. never. it will be worse than when fergie had her mishap. because this time, it would be Me. swing/swipe SCORE! but now, to move from that position would be a disaster, so i sort of hang there like a frozen statue, praying to the bathroom gods for mercy. and to the regular God that the security cameras are broken in my area of the store. and i see, just down the aisle in another section, i see a display of Depends, and think Well Of Course. and will myself to stand upright like my God-given right in the chain of humanity and tippey toe tippey toe scuttle to the cashier who was light years friendlier than smarmy cashier. in fact, so friendly was she, that she wanted to discuss every thing i was buying. i almost just left it all there, but i had already swiped my card. i can finish this story quickly by saying Thank God for the cover of darkness in my driveway, and Bad Kitty for tripping me up as i vaulted toward relief. you decide if i made it. i will not publish the result here. and later as i drifted off to sleep i thought, What a strange and pathetic end to the week.