chasing center

we base our outlook, our reactions, our dealings with others on what we feel to be True...that certainty in our gut, our spirit, our core make-up that This is my starting point and I will base opinions and actions from This point. What happens if you find that point to be ...ummm, not so much false, but not what you thought? i use an analogy of religion: what if that really great group of worshippers you joined, the ones who "got" you and accepted you, what if they invited you to a foreign land for a KoolAid party? suddenly, you realize everything you thought you knew - was false. or at least everything you had given your heart over to... your time and effort over to...was not as it first appeared. or maybe it was, but it would've hurt too much to see it as it really was. and imagination took over a bit, blurring the edges a little, creating a new reality that was acceptable by your younger mind. but sooner or later, cats get bored in bags, and they come out to play. and at a point when, hopefully, you are more able to face the truth of the situation, there it is. as it always was. naked before you. or maybe you were long past due to address it, and life just got tired of watching you run the same hamster wheel and shoved it in front of you on a chilly, damp evening with a needlepoint bag of memorabilia from 32 years and 1 month ago, all spread out on a beautiful new bedspread. maybe sometimes things like that happen so you can, in a lightening flash of epiphany, see that you have set people up to fail in their relationship with you. all based on what you perceived, and blurred the edges on, and held to your heart like a haughty trophy. then what? if you're lucky - a cosmic do-over. i hit pause and rewind.