WHOO HOO!

i have the house all to myself! i have the house all to myself! (neener neener dance here). the hillbilly husband has gone off into the woods with men who fancy themselves cowboys or pioneers or some sort of burly man ice road trucker-styled man's men. i pretend he went on a business trip, as i am the queen of denial, and only once did he dare to bring the product of his trip home. many large things took flight through the garage and into the driveway. soon, he understood. i think it was the frying pan that was the final straw. although i hate hate hate it that he goes "huntin' with the boys," i have come to look forward to this season as a time for weekends to myself. and diva, of course. we just finished part 1 of diva spa night, which began with a puppy massage, but soon became a tick removal disaster. part deux will continue tomorrow. at the vet. word: the trick with the olive oil? doesn't work so well. she now smells like a dipping sauce for bread and the tick has younger looking skin. the cat stared at us both, no doubt remembering monkeys at the zoo grooming each other. this is so unfair to the diva. especially since i gave up, put some stinky flea & tick schmutz on her neck, then called the vet ER who said to wash it off and bring her in to her regular vet in the morning. i now feel like i'm creepy crawling with bugs. i am not, for the record. but what a damn bad piece of luck for someone with a germ phobia who has a weekend to herself. so - hold your sides and prepare to gasp in laughter. i am taking a knitting class this weekend. it is true. i plan to bring chocolate and zanax to the instructor, just to get things going on the right foot. i have tried, y'all, tried to learn this skill so very many times. the last time, husband's grandmother and grandmother's sister each sat on a side of me and instructed. but one was a lefty, so i kept getting mixed signals and each one became more frustrated that i wasn't doing it right and that i was listening to the other one. then they agreed that i was hopeless and would Never Be Able To Knit. who could learn under that stress?? so i have hired a complete stranger...an unsuspecting person of skill...to teach me. i hope she isn't home thinking la-la-la i will teach this person the wonders of wool while sugarplums dance and great tea is steeping and twinkle stars are dancing about us. it will be much more like giving birth, i fear. giving birth in the reality tv way - not the 1950's sitcom way where one minute lucy's all large with child, and the next BAM! there's little ricky. no i believe this will be more with the bodily fluids and much screaming and gnashing of teeth. but, as my 2009 mantra suggests DESPITE this, i will knit. and speaking of annual mantra words...it's time to strat thinking of one. this year's "despite" proved to be spot on. maybe i should choose "lottery win" for next year. if i win i'll call you. ship to shore. i used to fantasize about what i'd do if i won. now i know for sure. i'd do it all. my "despite" was joined mid-year by "expand" thanks to the Rock Fairy. and that has proven itself a worthy word also. by the way...her birds are dee-lish! i ordered a flock and have a crow-like one dangling from the ceiling over my desk at work. soon to be joined by Dreamweaver, when the boss goes on vacation. they were going to paint the SWAT office (as i renamed it) and we were asked what color we wanted. i made everyone agree to say "clear." i was quite cranky and bossy this week. in a fun way. so now they can't paint until we come up with a "real" color. we've submit: heliotrope, quin nickel azo gold, phthalo green shade...some real, some makebelieve colors. none found at Home Despot. we like our clubhouse just the way it is. and BONUS...the new new building won't be ready till at least June, so my normal-ish hours will stay till then, due to the begging-for-a-homicide remoteness of the current old new office building we're in now. well my friends, i'm off to a second try at the tick rodeo. poor diva. she was lookingforward to a bubble bath and some pink bindi on her forehead. now this. g'night...L