i went into this sideways…this studio purge today. After meeting a friend for brunch, i took a 3 hour nap…the exhaustion of pushing back against a bully finally getting me to lay down and rest. i felt i had a deadline to meet with this purge, as a fellow artist is coming here tomorrow to cart off the remnants and un-fittable pieces and bits. one thing i pulled down - a bag filled with cards and notes and scraps of things sent and given to me. a gift bag that i'd filled with the gift of love. a few of the notes were from women friends who have passed, and many from friends who no longer keep in touch by mail or email, but by the heart. and i realized how years and years ago i wished them well, but with some - a tinge of jealousy scorched the edges of my love for them. and jealousy and love cannot co-exist…no wonder why the heartstrings frayed and burned. so much clarity in that bag. so much love. so much howling from my heart…missing some…missing most…missing them all for each their own reason. i long to gather them in the flesh, to dance around a huge bonfire…to say yes yes yes to each one, and to say I'm Sorry to some, though they may not know why.
tonight i found a container of porcupine quills. this amidst a steady stream of porcupine imagery coming to me the past few weeks….
"It's important for you to move along at your own pace rather than hurrying because of pressure from others or external circumstances.
There's no need to worry, because you're well protected…so relax and enjoy whatever you're doing.
Trust that you will be respected as long as you respect others.
Know that you have magical abilities as long as you maintain faith in yourself."
-Animal Spirit Guides
yeah, like that.
I sent out an email or two to friends whose ties have shredded a bit, honoring them and the place they've held in my heart…inviting them to go deeper if they wish, or remain remembrances. either way is a good place…to have known these amazing women as closely as i have - that's been mind-blowing enough. i'm proud to say i've walked beside them. and perhaps they have needed the invitation…perhaps i am not the only one walking a precious and precarious path right now.
so i invite you in to my heart…to walk together, you and i…to hold a place of honor and respect and joyfulness and dancing around a bonfire together. perhaps by the seashore, perhaps in the piney woods…..