yep, 'cause that's all i do is sit around all day posting whatever tiny thought crosses my brain. seems like it some days. okay - TOday. did y'all ever have a person come into your life that was just so special, that all other relationships, male or female, were (despite your best intentions) sort of judged by that one? the bar is...HERE....and this relationship is ...here...or maybe every so often, a wistful thought crosses your mind....your current "here" is fine, but the other "here," well, that was once in a lifetime. that was so special...special enough to never be shared or spoken of...to still be held close even though it has long long since gone...since everyone has long long moved on. just every so often a shadow of a wisp of a wonder passes through a thought that crosses your mind....d'ever happen to you like that? kinda spanky, huh? and the friendship that remains....so incredibly special and purified...that is what i am thankful for today. *************************************** Happy Kwanzaakah....? so rumor in the family has it that my grandfather on my father's side was actually a man who helped Grandma 'Lana run the candy store...she has been described as "a lively woman. wink nudge," and he, described only as black. it explains some things, and confuses others, and since no one's talking, i think this year i'll make up my own holiday to celebrate: Kwanzaakah. half kwanzaa, half Hannukah. that ought to set things right. so have i ever told you the story of my first Christmas tree? no?? okay. i tell now...seet bad childrens and i tell. first some history: my father was Jewish. my mother was...not. she converted to Judaism when she married dad, but was always a bit wistful for a christmas tree. nothing doing. she even tried the Hannukah Bush route, but dad was not to be fooled. my dad passed away in october 1977. after, as the days and weeks dragged endlessly by, my brother & i wanted to do something to try to make mom feel a little better. we decided to give her a christmas tree that year. so okay - 2 jewish kids trying to do christmas....we had no idea where to get a tree, or what to do with it after we got it...never really paid attention. that's where the neighbors stepped in....my girlfriends father cut a tree from their farm - unusual in that he really didn't like me at all...felt i was the source of all the trouble his daughter ever got into. i was, but sheesh. the neighbor next door got wind of the plan, and they donated some lights. other neighbors donated ornaments and strung popcorn & cranberries. someone else donated a cinderblock to use as a tree stand at the last minute when we asked So how do these things stand up? so christmas eve comes. we have no clue how to get this tree in the house all sneaky sneaky. mom happened to go into the bathroom that had the lock installed backwards - on the OUTSIDE (don't ask) and we sprang into action...with her safely locked in, we dragged the tree into the house from it's hiding place, strung lights and berries and popcorn. mostly outdoor lights on an indoor tree, but feh - who cared. it was the most ....well...it looked like a couple of jewish kids had decorated it. but i'll tell you, there was no more beautiful tree in all of the world that night. mom's eyes shone like the tinfoil star on top. she recognized and appreciated what had gone into it, and the reason why. as we pointed out who had donated what, she was even more touched and grateful. and that, my friends, is the story of my first christmas tree. i've had some since that were decorated more beautifully, but never a more beautiful tree. L.