bamboozeled, baggage-less, and blissed out

**sigh** where to start? i'm kidding myself if i think i won't lose my train of thought, so i'll just...start. and end when i'm done. http://www.davidnewmanmusic.com so copy/paste the link and listen while we chat. now, i consider myself an ordinary person...religiously confused, spiritually certain, and in most ways just your typical 50-ish woman with the same weight/hormone/life struggles as the next person. okay. so when my yoga instructor told us about this kirtan with David Newman, i thought "hunh." then, "do wha??" this is all new to me this yoga stuff, and all it's accompanying ...stuff. so for me to sit 4 hours ANYwhere for ANYthing, well, it better be dang good. the yoga studio is on the top floor of an oddly shaped triangular building...the traffic light was level with the window, and snowflakes were illuminated in the changing red, amber, green. the lights inside, low. candles along the window sill surrounded us on 3 sides. about 30-40 people filled the room. an intimacy, yet separateness. the chanting was call & response...soon, losing ourselves in words not understood by the head, but alive and breathing life to the heart....working changes...tears discovered cheeks splashing on shoulders, into hair...stumbling blocks removed...knots patiently worked free...freedom...spirits flowing....apologies planned...changes felt...chants to the female shiva -hmmm...interesting...why so uncomfortable? a little tempest of a temper tantrum inside. why why? each possible facet held and explored...the chanting continuing...a problem with women? nooo...i am surrounded by the strongest of strong women in my life. and it is a cloak i adore, i guard fiercely. what then? why the strong response to this chant? ahhh...what woman do you have the most problem with? who, despite your "best" attempts, is still a source of frustration to you? ah ha...dear one, look in the mirror. a chill. my 7th grade self peers back, wearing the orange shirt. (lately i have been barraged with orange). there she is, wearing the face i feel on my face daily. so we explore 7th grade together...hand-in-hand, big sister, little sister. my theory that the root of any esteem problems goes back to your 7th grade self is proven again. that feeling of being very cool one minute, yet not fitting in anywhere the next minute. and here she is, wanting to be reassured...wanting to be released. we spend some time together, resolving old hurts - perceived and otherwise, remembering Horrible Moments and realizing they weren't quite so bad in retrospect. then we agreed that the Older Version has indeed outgrown all this fussing, and deserves a better self-image....deserves to go back to the days when the Important things were on the forefront, instead of having to dissect and re-resolve all this ....Stuff...constantly. a sweet peace and joyousness enters the heart where previously there was constraint...smile...tears...but wait...we still have 3 hours left. somehow, many an issue was resolved, in a sweet, quiet way....silently...personally...gently yet precisely & fully. soon it was time to end for the evening....no one wanted to leave, and it seemed that time had gone too quickly. home in bed at 1am. up again early and back to the yoga studio at 11am...a totally different, yet still intense, experience with daylight streaming in, and the world awake outside. so today, i am most grateful for the grace that visited my soul...my heart....again, that i am cared for in ways that defy explanation. try this: slices of orange arranged on a platter like a flower, sprinkled with cinnamon. slices of apple on a beautiful plate, drizzled with honey. so the bamboozled part? never saw it coming...never thought it could happen...to be brought so gently to a place of entire emptiness, then filled so completely with FreshNewStuff...a Jewish/ Born Again Christian/ ordained Universal Light minister chanting in Sanskrit for 8 hours....go figure. namaste, y'all. L.