"Sorry" seems to be the hardest word

Elton John was right. especially when you have 2 pig-headed people involved ...Me and Youngblood. in my last post, i alluded to "Apologies Planned." that would be mine. see, for whatever reason, there has been friction etween me and Youngblood for over a year, culminating in me leaving My Own House during thanksgiving. i went to the kirtan friday night thinking "such a shame to do this good thing, only to come home to steppers freshly home from college." my stomach began it's macrame upon itself. so at some point in the evening, i knew with certainty that the aggression can't stand, man (quote from the Dude Lebowski), and it was up to me to fix it. because although i am a woman who has been known to hold her own grudge-wise, i am kinder & gentler than in times past. and i am up against a 19-year old who has time on his side. as i meditated on the situation, it became clear that i was to apologize to Youngblood for anything i may have said or done to make him feel unwelcome in this home. Although my primary reasons were absolutely pure and wrung full of compassion, i also realized that it would render the Nasty in him powerless. if he has something i want (an apology) then he has power to withhold it, thus perpetuating the situation. i have a choice of dancing response to nastiness, or cutting off the head of the snake. i grabbed an ax. actually by the night's end, i couldn't wait to apologize. so today, i coached hillbilly husband on how to be Present during brunch, so as to avoid a repeat of the F-bomb brunch of a few weeks ago. "it's about FAMILY not FOOD," i repeated to him over & over. and held him responsible for guiding the conversation to places that were pleasant & acceptable. later, stomachs full, and Diva dancing for a walk, Youngblood was alone in the livingroom in front of the TV. and i spilled my heart to him. i know he recognized the barrier being broken...the step being taken. he was choked up, and tried to pass it off as no big deal between us, but i persisted. this must end today. and i told him i knew it had bothered him enough that he had spoken to his dad about it. i explained that it had been a strange year for me, and that i occasionally got my feet stuck in clay, and need time alone & quiet to heal. i explained the physical tricks my body has been playing on me. he listened for real. we are healed. and can i say, it felt so damn good to apologize? i can't wait to screw up something just so i can apologize again! ok - kidding. now this week, Perfect Stepdaughter is coming to yoga with me, and we'll follow up with girl-bonding tattoos. yup. that is what i said. this is starting to get interesting after all! shalom, y'all! L. (oh- hey - did you stop by Christine Mason Miller's and order your Ordinary Sparkling Moments book? i knew it!)