quitting smoking & rage

i'm in florida right now...have been since saturday. haven't been able to get near a computer till now though. i'll try to remember events as best i can put together...bear in mind they are colored by addiction withdrawl (cigarettes), rage (16 & 17 year old having party in "dad's" house while he's away) and yet more rage (the changes in my life trying to move ahead). okay, so no-smoke day 1 was bad....i only had 4 hours sleep friday night, and woke up at 4am to shovel the driveway, load the car, wake up Bill and head to the airport. take-off was delayed as they de-iced again and again. the cravings were absolutely horrible. Bill and i were both trying to quit, and gave each other permission to be total and complete sons-of-guns towards each other if that's what it took. it was a relief from spending the last month not talking. we arrived in florida to warm sun, and still no smoking. very tense. very edgy. stood downwind from a smoker. arrived at the hotel and felt like my skin was crawling. ate a great dinner (i think) and we finally got to sleep around 11pm. i had been up since 4am, so was beyond crabby and cranky and desperately wanted a smoke. at 12:30 in the morning, the phone starts ringing....17year old stepson and 16-year old stepdaughter are having a party at our house. underage drinking. my rage-ometer hits an alltime high. i am out of control. Bill decides that they should stay there the night rather than risk drinking/driving. i say, send the police over and let their parents sort it out. i wonder where are the police? i have a property check on the house. where are my parents? they were supposed to stay there and watch the dog? i am out of my mind with white-hot rage. if there was a convenience store nearby, i'd be smoking right now. maybe Willie Dixon's Bail Bonds down the street would sell me just one. Bill and i fight with the vengenance of alpha cats in each other's territory the next day. he is mistaken in thinking that i'll behave in public. i am under the influence of hormones and nicotine withdrawl. we go out to a very nice restaurant that night. i leave him sitting at the table while i take a tearful lap around the parking lot. then he leaves me in tears at the table. water service was substandard at our table, needless to say. i tell him i want to leave him - i hate him, i hate his son, and i now hate his daughter too. we go back to the hotel room. i am melting. my hands/feet and face are bloated and i look like i've been crying for months. my skin is itchy crawly. i hate a craving, an urge, a longing that defies description. i know when i get back from vacation, i'll start smoking again, so why put myself through this now? i can't find a store within walking distance. i dream of tarantulas. more to come...L.