day 5

so it's either day 5 or day 6 - depending on how you count....i have been smokefree since last friday at 11pm. this has been the most difficult week of my life. and it continues to be still. yesterday was a very good day, with just mild cravings every 4 hours or so....nothing i couldn't just flick away. today, though, i feel like i'm back at day 3...moments of intense cravings. checking old ashtrays around the garage. found 1 butt - not even a butt, just a 1-drag stub from last summer. thought very seriously of firing it up. threw it out in the snow. i know if i leave the house today, i will stop at a convenience store. since they don't sell just one cigarette, i'd have to buy a pack, and you know where this is going. so i sit here in my pj's at noon-37, hair all wet, sweat pants drooping....if i get dressed, i'll go out. if i go out, i'll buy cigarettes. my friend gail is coming for lunch tomorrow - she's getting takeout and bringing it so i won't go out. good friends are hard to come by. and i'm thinking, if i never am able to leave the house again, i'd better be pretty darn nice to the friends i have! actually, i have been blessed with some of the most incredible friends...mostly women, actually even a few ladies! creative, fun, be-there-for-you types. i think about each one individually from time to time and it just makes me smile, and also wonder what i did to deserve such gifts. to my friends : you are my pearls, my diamonds, my treasure. i try to tell each of you how special you are to me, but in case i've failed - know that you are very very special. okay now - if i don't get felting, i'll get dressed and go out. and that can only be trouble......L