move over sally jean

so i tried to order some pretty little things from sally jean...emailed, called...to no avail. in all fairness, this was during my Week Of Invisibility. so i decided, Ok - this can't be so hard to learn. i've had her book since forEver. it was just the Things Catching Fire possibility that had me a little skittish. things do seem to explode, flame out, smolder, and downright burn around me at a higher than average rate. there was some solace in the fact that my neighbor is a volunteer fireman ("nozzlehead" to insiders), so i wouldn't necessarily need to call 911 and embarrass myself in front of my former co-workers who are painfully aware of the fact that fire+Linda=a busy night for them. but i was feeling a little pissed off that i hadn't gotten a response from SJ, and was determined to make a little Whatever all by myself. SO. promptly at noon, my friend Gail who-calls-frequently-and-is-married-to-the-man-who-will-be-worshipped-by-all-women came over with her soldering gear and a bag o' ephemera. 4 hours later....NO FIRE! lots of smell at first. but it appears that the old adage "no smoke without fire" is not 100%. we made STUFF! actual good stuff! i won't kid you, there were a few moments that got me all tensed up, and when diva woke up and went for gail's ankle with full froth while i was holding the soldering iron....that perked me up a bit. but all in all, not bad. once you get your swerve on with the whole "painting with solder" idea, you're good. so i left the main stuff out ... i believe i'll be doing this again soon. and for the record, i wasn't Totally pissed at SJ...not like it would keep her awake anyway - she'd be like, "WHO?!?" but it was an incident within a week of incidents where i had to be sure i hadn't put on invisibility cream instead of the usual Avon triple-decker-wrinkles-like-your-grandma cream. and while i'm on THAT topic...pull-ease, huh? does ANYone ACTually BElieve that creams and lotions will make wrinkles disappear?? and WHY do we even CARE? why why why? i am NOT 19...and i am not stoopid. do ya think MAYBE the "woman" in the wrinkle cream picture is maybe, oh, say 18? do they maybe have to airbrush IN a few tiny lines just so we believe she's actually 60 with a face as firm as a georgia peach? i just get in such a tantrum over this. and i don't begrudge the 18 & 19 year old her wrinkle-free skin...i just don't care. and i don't feel that i need to "fight it every step of the way." i've got other things to do, and i'm way too tired. so that's my rant for today. L.

play with food

try this...it's for real..... www.freerice.com . meanwhile, i'm too tired to write anything....spent 5 hours in the recording studio yesterday and another 2 today, on top of the whole Endless Period thing. i'm whipped. so i'm hanging up now. plus Idol's on...sorry - i can't help myself! L.

monday

so here it is monday mid-morning...am i at work? nooo. why? AGAIN with the girl problems. i would sincerely like to speak with the Patron Saint of the Ovary. i would beseech her to please let me have at least 2 weeks in between periods. and oh, that ripping just before....stop it. now. and cramps? look, i'm 50 and i've suffered quite enough years with those. do not make me take drastic measures. Saint or not, i'll take you down. that all being settled in my mind, i'm off to curl up into the fetal position in my comfy bed. at least for a minute. that's how long it takes diva dog to start her banshee impression when she wants up on the bed. it's been too cold for her to go out long enough to "get the job done," so she goes out, turns around and wails at the door. luckily, the SPCA cruelty investigator is a friend of mine, so she'd believe me that i wasn't leaving little hates-the-cold ESKIMO dog out for hours at a time in this below-zero nastiness. she, (the dog, not the investigator) (well, I'M talking about the dog here...i have no idea if the same holds true for the investigator) of course, hasn't poo-ed in 2 days because i am determined that she will, once again, go in the backyard....not have to be schlepped down the street on the mommy-arm express. i am tired, people. tired. and dog's have been known to go doody in their own back yard. in fact, my neighbor's dog is so comfortable with his dogginess, that he'll poo in ANYONE'S yard! but not my diva. ** so i decided what i want to be when i grow up. should my current job (which i love and hope they don't fire me due to sick time) decides to fire me due to sick time, i will become a motivational speaker. i was actually hired to do this once before, but the company, although very motivating and upbeat, was very disorganized, and part of staying positive is keeping control of your schedule (to an extent). (not the extent that makes me comfortable, but they were w-a-y off target). i'd get a call at 6am and they'd want me to drive somewhere and just give a speech. well, hell now, that's hardly filling the bill. you need to find out all sorts of things and tailor your remarks to actually help the negative situation you were called in to be positive about. ** so i've been feeling a little, oh, invisible lately. i called my neighbor last week to find out what to give as a baptism gift (if one is actually required)...i called a contractor for a quote on painting my R-E-D kitchen white....i called Sally Jean to order some things (yes - to give THEM money)...i emailed/called my other friend to make an appt for her to come over and see the fountain she's been bugging me to make...and i called ANOTHER contractor to see about re-doing some kitcheny stuff. not one single call back. not one. i then emailed Sally Jean. no answer. i finally got an email from the fountain friend - she's in Mexico for God's sake. no contractor callbacks. AT the baptism, my neighbor said she'd been flying around trying to finish her kitchen 'cause she has massive family company coming in today, and asked what i'd called for. so i told her. oops. yeah, and i asked how she got the contractor to call HER back?? so yes, i'm feeling a tad invisible. but the pain of the cramps has distracted me enough to stop feeling emotionally sorry for myself. i now have physical pain to point to. (now you know i'm kidding...i actually did assume that i'd become invisible, so didn't feel slighted in the slightest). Linda

sorry

sorry....haven't posted in a while...nothing has happened that's worth talking about. not even anything to whine about. i'm still pretty steamed about the $6M thing....good thing i didn't go charge up a bunch o' stuff, figuring i'd pay it off when The Secret hit big. sheesh. so today i declared it was "Random Act of Kindness" week. i was in line at the drive thru window of Starbucks clutching my birthday giftcard for my grande black red eye. the woman behind me did not smile the entire time we waited. i kept checking my rear view mirror sneakily. so i had the coffee person put that woman's tab on my card too. well! the coffee person just giggled with glee! she said from time to time, someone will do that, and it starts a chain reaction....the next person in line will buy for the person behind them etc. the last time it happened, it went on for 29 minutes. so said she. so it was a double random act....the coffee person got something to look forward to besides going home to shampoo the pastry smell out of her hair, and the frowner in the car behind me got free java. actually - it was a triple, because i just felt so happy about the whole thing, i was even more perky than usual when i got to work...i dare say i was unavoidable and borderline annoying. oh! and then, after making my rounds and greeting each and every person in the dept, i introduced myself to a man who sits in an office on the edge of our dept.... never met him before. it turns out, he was the guy i had nominated for a corporate award last summer, AND he is the Source. whenever an office is being built or REFURBISHED/UPDATED, he is the God of all things purchased....and thrown out. are you tinking what i'm tinking? yep...cabinets, counters, frippery, real live dental chairs, those annoying light things ....all cool stuff. AND AND our dental chairs? they have small flat panel tv's attached to them? built in? can't come off? can i hear a "jackpot!" someone? even if someone beats me to those, the cool stuff is stuff only i would think is cool....leftover (fake) teeth...stuff like that. so that's all my news and i need a nap cause i stayed up waaay to late watching American Idol like a trainwreck and then snuggled (finally) with diva on the air mattress in the middle of the livingroom cause hubby is in vermont. it was great for a minute or 2, till i realized that there was no possible way diva had THAT much gas, and the mattress was getting noticibly lower. apparently, you have to be more careful about knocking the plug thingie off. so a quick refill at 2am and back in business, except by then, she'd gone all east-and-west on the mattress and i had, like, oompa loompa amount of room to sleep unless i tried to coax her over which is a guarantee of appendage loss. so i got up AGAIN and got a piece of cheese to bribe her to the lower left quadrant of the mattress. which worked out well after she came down from her short flight.....i guess when i got onto the mattress, i moved a little too quick for fear of losing my spot, and it POOFED her up in the air. not really far, but enough to be impressed. bought me a dirty look. maybe tonight i'll remember the whole plug thing and not have to go thru those changes all over again. L.

have i mentioned recently how much i love my job? well, i do. i am so fortunate to have such a great work environment, and fantastic co-workers...not to mention the management is unbelievable. when i needed wednesdays off...no problem. when i needed to go part-time....sure thing. well, a few situations have arisen....namely, 4 people from the co-department i work with have moved on to other depts. all at once. so today i volunteered to train in that dept and work there 9-12 on my wednesdays off. so my new schedule will be M/T/TH 9-6 and Wed 9-12. it's only 3 hours, and my only hope is that i won't get bored in the other dept. And get THIS...they were all tripping over themselves thanking me. i mean - who should be grateful here?? at what job can you basically pick your hours and they say "okay" and NOT be secretly plotting to fire your ass as soon as you leave for lunch? plus, it isn't like i'm making any good use of my time off....not much going on in the art dept....no long walks with diva. and i'd feel too guilty to take a walk without her, despite the 70 degree weather the past 2 days. so really, it's 3 hours i won't be eating, sleeping , smoking, or shopping, so it really is a benefit to me. i've begun to decorate my desk for Valentine's day. why not? the stores are packed out with stuff. i've just added it to the christmas stuff already hung in my cubby. the funny thing is, whenever the CEO is giving a tour to a potential new doctor, they have to pass by my desk. so i'd like to be a fly in his brain! i keep it tasteful, if not interesting. maybe a tad quirky. i heard him say, "...and this is our Patient Services Department, where we blah blah blah....that's Linda - she's an artist." how proud was I??? i fairly glowed. remember the old Laugh-In show? the Farkel Family? they'd introduce all the family members, then say, "...and there's HER..." well, i'm HER. i think they're afraid to fire me. if they did, i think i'd just keep showing up anyway. just to see the reaction. ** so my wonderful new contacts...not so good. the trial pair were awesome. the 1st regulation pair ....i can't see out of them. it's the least that you expect from contact lenses! and the right lens is scratchy. i tried taking the new one out and putting in a new new one....to no avail. my friend Gail -who- calls- regularly- now, got me a book called Wreck This Journal. it's so cool. i need directions for most things, and this is very clear cut....page 1.."add your own page numbers....start HERE." now that's headed in the right direction. "stand on a chair and drop this book." "burn this page" scary. you get the point. i'm also reading "Wabi Sabi for writers, artists and philosophers" "1000 Artist Trading Cards" (not reading it but looking at it)...and about 3 other books who's titles i can't remember exactly and can't get to because diva is asleep on my foot. we snuck her across the street for a #2 tonight. it was just too nice out and she's got cabin fever. why i'm inside right now, i have no idea. so i'm going out for a smoke. goodnight! oh and by the way....that whole "The Secret" stuff is shit. i did NOT win a nickel in a lottery or any other place. my $6M is still floating somewhere in the Universe. yeah right. so don't be fooled by imitations. plus, if you have already purchased the DVD, watch the revolving key in the corner....it will hypnotize you. for real. it's one of those subliminal things. i probably wrote a hypnotic check out to Oprah or something, and am unwittingly funding Obama's campaign. without getting a receipt. if you HAVEN'T bought the book/dvd....don't. that's the secret right there...the woman who "exposed" the secret is making a frigging fortune off people who want it quick and easy. she throws her head back and laughs hard from the belly as she counts our hard-earned $19.95's plus shipping and handling. luckily i borrowed the dvd from someone, otherwise i'd track her and bitch-slap her hard .....6 million times. so goodnight y'all. Linda

fun fun fun!

being the diva of discard that i am, trust me when i tell you, this website, www.sciplus.com is great! hysterical descriptions of items....and you won't believe the Stuff they have! it's technically a science surpuls site, so you'll find a billion sizes, shapes, colors of beakers and test tubes, etc...but wait! there's more! way way too much more to describe. spend a day on their website. and cheap? oy. even my uncle Morty would be impressed. go there. now. have fun. L.

the shunning

so i'm being shunned by diva. after all i've done for her. today i finally took a few hours for myself...i went to the schweinfurth to see the art=quilts=art exhibit with my friend kathy. as long as we were out there, we stopped at the flea market and Volunteers of America. no treasures. then we stopped at denny's. i was gone longer than expected, but wasn't watching the clock so much, since i was Out Of The House for only the 2nd or 3rd time in 2 weeks. i have devoted my life to stitch-lick stoppage and no-no jumping. i have carried that furry (well, shaved now) barge butt across the street 2 times a day so little missy can poo in the park, as is her preference. i have slept on an air mattress on the floor in front of her kennel to remind her not to lick the stitches. so, how do i get paid back? she prefers to be downstairs right now with the guys watching FOOTBALL instead of enjoying my company. sheesh! i even bought her a BRAND NEW prettypinkcollar today to replace her really really old one that is just shredded. it's a neon pink to fit her new attitude. but i may return it after this treatment. by the way, the quilt exhibit is TO DIE FOR! so inspiring. and a photog from the local paper followed us around and we'll be in the paper. i had to think if it was a work day and i was sick. when the photog asked our names (he needs permission from us to use our pics) we told him that we made the quilt we were standing in front of. of course we told him we were just kidding. then proceeded to vogue and screw up his shots. so a peaceful day and i'd better damn well win that lottery tonight, because after 2 weeks off, it is habit forming to be your own person every day. cross everything! i'll share! Linda

in those not-quite-morning moments night struggles strongholds with heavy moondawn finally...silently...slipping past and under to lay dark velvet against another sky and the pinkorange break slivers gain purchase...grow and meld into dawn taking victory slowly and graciously so as not to gloat...tomorrow another test in those not-quite-day, not-still-night moments as phoenix and anubis dare each other to blink as my soul gathers once again inside my flesh deciding deciding deciding phoenix or anubis - who will triumph and gain the spoils the victor now responsible the other to wait... in those pinkorange moments when dawn creases the sky round moon now round sun i rise.

dry, cozy, content-ish, and a job offer

so i'm starting the new year with at least 1 resolve almost accomplished...a cozy meditation corner. i have a closet in my studio that's 10' x 7' and crammed with junk. well, mostly junk....suitcases, duffels, tote bags (7 at last count. i love tote bags!), old clothes, new clothes, clothes that will NEVER ever ever fit me again. you get the point. anyway, i've been looking for a womb-like spot to put a comfy chair-for-one. somewhere just for me. where i can shut the door and meditate, read, sketch, whatEVER. so last night i cleared out the clothes that will never ever fit. then i took the spring/summer stuff down to an extra closet in stepdaughter's room. (she has the bigger bedroom of the 2 downstairs, but is never here. short-sighted on our part when we moved in, but it's kept the loud boys from congregating overnight here, as the stepson's room is teeny). then, i russian doll-ed the totes, suitcases & duffels...one inside the other inside the other. i have some memorabilia from my reporter days that i still am not ready to part with, so that will go into the closet downstairs, or to mom's attic with the rest of my lifestash (she has stuff from kindergarten stored in her attic!). i cleared a space on some shelves to the left, ruthlessly regarding each sweater & turtleneck ...stay or go? i love sweaters as much as tote bags, and had over 100 sweaters at one point in my packrat life. in search of cozy - that's me. even had a cat named CozyCat once. back to the closet. so now i have an area about 3' wide, with shelves to womb-up in. just need a comfy chair. i had moved a cedar chest from the foot of our bed into the closet when we ensconced diva dog in her palace. i may leave it in there - nice foot rest. i think i may try to find one of those small, foldable papasan chairs that look like a giant contact lens. stepdaughter had one that she HAD TO HAVE and has only used twice, so i may ask her if she's done NEEDING it. or i may look for something new. the point is, i feel happy about this little corner that's mine mine mine. it makes me smile, and i haven't even vacuumed it yet! **so onto the job offer....i got a call yesterday with a "testing the waters" offer to do a morning radio show. knowing the station, and the state of radio locally, i'm fairly certain the money won't be tempting. that was the detail they didn't have handy. trying instead to see what i make now. i'm way past the "fame & glory of doing morning drive radio," having done it on & off for the past 17 years, so it truly is about the money. it must be compelling money to make me get up 5 mornings a week and be all perky & funny at 5am. there's something, once again, tempting about working 5am-9am then having the rest of the day free, but experience tells me that you're too doggone tired to do anything meaningful....like drive a car or grocery shop. so again, Show Me The Money. i've known my potential co-host for most of my radio career, and we work very well together....having been around long enough that neither has to climb the other's back to further a career...both too tired! so stay tuned for that episode. i really am quite happy where i am, though. i can call in sick (like today) and no one has to jump through hoops to find a replacement. ** the other of this post is the "dry" part. creatively. i can't remember when i've gone this long without creating...or even having an inkling. i took out a small cupboard thingie and gessoed it to prepare for distressing, and there it sits weeks later. i have a doll cut out and sewn together, and there she sits all nekked and chilly. but oddly, i'm not stressing about it. i should be, i suppose. i should also be trying to figure out how to get my CD or contact sheet in front of a few gallery people. that one is a job for today, i think. but creatively, i am singularly uninspired and uninterested. and not cranky about it. hunh. i'll just go with the non-flow, i guess, and follow upstream to see where the dam is. but i'm not feeling like it's an urgent thing. maybe it's just time to rest. maybe i've fallen into a lazy torpor. but i feel right about taking a creative break, so i won;t force it. can't anyway! saturday i head to the Scweinfurth to see the final days of Art=Quilts=Art with my friend Kathy. that ought to dislodge something. i always end up in tears at that exhibit. the beauty and creativity of some of these works just catches me. i'll report back. meanwhile...i'm still on my quest for Lance Armstrong for my vet. anyone? Buhler? so off to shower and carry diva to the p-a-r-k so she can poo. she WILL NOT go in her own yard, and it's been a few degrees below zero the past night, and today is not looking much better. this is the most frustrating part of her care. and i love her. i'm going back in my closet now. linda

wise words

from a birthday book: To love perfection, is to be dissatisfied with life. happy new year all! wishing you each abundance in the good things! Linda (i'm going to nap now)

life - so precious

i had planned to spend the morning re-basking in the glow of yesterday's incredible party...eating leftovers, starting in on some of the books i received, and trying to formulate the words to describe the events. it started out fine. then bill noticed he had gotten a cell phone message sometime during the night. just after 2am. from his ex-wife. from what we can put together, his 17-year old daughter went to a concert with some friends. first they stopped at an older kid's house (a grad of their high school who works from time to time at menial jobs and has an apt on the other side of town). there he gave them a bottle of vodka to help enjoy the show. my stepdaughter filled a water bottle with it and throughout the next few hours, drank it, and re-filled it at least once. she got in an argument with the girls she was out with and went out to someone's car and passed out. her brother was at the same concert and was trying to keep an eye on her and was texting her for 2 hours "where are you? answer this immediately." the girls she came with continued enjoying themselves. when brother finally found them, he insisted they go look for her. when they found her, and were not able to wake her, the girls said they were going back to the older kid's house to party and would let stepdaughter sleep in the car. brother insisted they immediately take her to his mom's house, which they did. he can be fierce. mom immediately called an ambulance, which arrived just after the police. she had a blood alcohol level of a person considered comatose, and nearing death. the police interrogated the girls, called their parents to come get them, and an investigation was launched. stepdaughter is home at her mom's this morning, very very hungover, with not much recollection of the events....but alive. she will be required to attend alcohol counseling, which should give her something to do since she will have her phone, computer and car taken away for the rest of the year. she will not be sleeping over at anyone's house. ever. her brother is mostly pissed off at the fact that the deadbeat that gave them the alcohol is a friend of his and now he will probably get in trouble. he feels there was nothing wrong with that, and that it was his sister's responsibility to drink responsibly. i think "luckily" is the wrong word here, but luckily their father is on his way to rochester to attend calling hours of a friend from his former job. otherwise, the county jail would need new construction for the number of family members convicted of crimes today. and the so-called alcohol counseling? well, the girl that was driving (and wanted to leave my stepdaughter in the car) completed that particular offering last year. it appears they need to re-work the class a bit. so although i woke up feeling a little pissed that these kids couldn't make time in their busy lives to stay at the party longer than 20 minutes, after showing up late, i now see they had bigger fish to fry. and in the spirit of what's to come, i will just let it go. so very sad. and so very scary. my husband was between rage and tears, with tears winning out, when he left. his emotions were high enough, given the fact that the friend who had just passed away the day after Christmas was only 57. woke up. heart attack. gone before the ambulance got there. i proposed to him, and now to you, not to put off things....trips you want to take....days spent with a friend or relative....words that need to be spoken...issues that need resolving. especially the last one. "i'm sorry," "i love you," or "you are a special person because..." whispered over a casket is never the same as in person. my husband always says "in 5 years when the kids are out of school, i want to..." What if there is no 5 years from now? yesterday, in the shower, I thanked God for all the incredible things that had happened in my life - good and bad, that had made me become the person I am. and i asked God what He required of me. what is it that He would want me to do with all this "Linda?" one of the first things was to Let It Go. i ask people to see things from the other person's perspective constantly. i gripe that my husband doesn't understand how i feel about such-and-such. at times, i resent and even rage at him for being that way. so yesterday, i secretly tried to see how he might feel in a particular situation. what was his perspective? and i have to say it opened my eyes a bit. yes, we have fundamentally opposite politics, for the most part. yes, we have fundamentally different opinions on most everything, actually. can i accept him without giving up Myself? honestly, i don't know. i'm willing to try, but along the way, rather than harbor seething rage against hurts and wrongs, maybe be more vocal, in a gentle sort of way, about what's bothering me. and also be sure to add in the compliments and kudos. maybe they will be returned. i have come to depend on myself alone in my life, and maybe that's part of the problem. trusting someone else to take care of things has never been in my vocabulary. maybe i need to learn, a little at a time, how to give over some of the responsibility. some of the control. ah ha...maybe now the core of the issue. back to that again. maybe recognizing that my need for control makes it easier for another to give that control to me - the responsibilities of running a budget, a household, the day-to-day things that make a house tick. and instead of resenting the job, know that i applied for it and was accepted. and maybe, just maybe, realize that it's not such a horrifying thing to make out the checks every month. and that maybe all the other parts of couple-hood would be more rewarding if Everything didn't have to be done my way. maybe that blase blase that i get bounced at me is actually a little resentment ....at having choices taken away. when a child misbehaves, they get priveledges revoked. it should have a statute of limitations, i'm thinking. a husband and wife should not continue to lock themselves into that same mindset with one another. hmmmm. l.

i will try to post more detail tomorrow, but for now....today was the single most amazing day of my life. truly, i cannot think of an entire day that has meant so much to me. my surprise birthday party was absolutely overwhelming. i'm still processing all the emotions. there was such an incredible spirit of love there.....it honestly was amazing (too many adjectives?) (the same one too many times?) there is no possible way to describe it. on a superficial level, the food was beyond wonderful...the cake - oy vey....4 layers - raspberry fluffy stuff interspersed with chocolate cake, all covered with more pink (PINK!) fluffy raspberry stuff and then AND THEN a coating of shiny, smooth chocolate that dripped down the edges. orgasmic. there were people there that wouldn't normally mingle - my art friends, my friend friends, some neighbors, some people i knew through Bill. everyone so enjoyed everyone. and gifts...! i never expected gifts! my neighbor commented to me that every single gift was clearly given with love and thoughtfulness of who the recipient was.....there were no gifts that were "re-gifts" from Christmas, and nothing that someone grabbed at the sale as they grabbed stuff for themselves. honestly, i wouldn't have cared anyway. not that i don't totally love & appreciate every single one! she said "Girl, you are so lucky to have such incredible friends!" (actually she said it a few times). i then reminded her that she was in that same company. and i realized, for the zillionth time, what a great good gift i have been given in my life - the friends i count as dear. and each person there was so very special to me in so many different ways. they probably don't even realize how special, or the things great and small, that they've said or done that have helped me become the person i am. and will continue to become. so to the friends who are reading this - thank you with all my heart. you are the art in my soul that gets expression with my hands. thank you. just a quick side note...now you all know gail? the one with the husband-who-shall-be-worshipped? well, here's a teeny few secrets i have to tell you before i tell you what i'm going to tell you. we met at a "quilt till you wilt" type of event about 16-hundred years ago and caught on instantly. she quilted, i roamed the room and talked incessantly. she, being the only one who can keep up with my talk talk talk, and stream of consciousness-can't-follow-this-conversation style. okay. we realized we have the same wedding anniversary date (different years though), same wedding ring/band, and we dated the same guy 14 billion years ago - although neither of us is checking the date too closely, lest it be at the same time. okay, now, i told you that to tell you this: part of Gail's gift tower to me were some books. very nice, you say. so what? well, we haven't exchanged christmas gifts yet, so she had NO WAY of knowing that i had bought her THE SAME books for christmas. (cue twilight zone music). how bizarre! so tomorrow, gail if you're listening, i will be returning the books i got you and taking a whole different tack. there were some other items that will remain snugly wrapped, but sheesh! so it's a good thing i'm overwhelmed and unable to talk, eh? so goodnight, my friends, and thank you for the most special day....and thank you for making my day-to-day life more specialer still. and i apologize, georgia, for slaughtering the english language. by the way, georgia's new book of haiku (haiku's?) is coming hot off the press at http://www.mainstreetrag.com/store/ComingSoon.php ! whoo hoo! linda

ooo-ooo that smell

first, a diva update: 2 days and no poo. even at the p-a-r-k, where we carry her at night, just hoping she will - in the words of my neighbor - drop a deuce. no luck. however, she did manage to vomit all over the quilt Bill's grandma made him. she kept trying to point it out to me so i could make it all gone before she got in trouble. amazing...2 grown men who were charged with watching her like a federal witness never noticed it. one of these "men" has been standing in front of the TV next to the quilt ALL DAY for 3 days with a plastic guitar in his hand playing some video game thing where you have to keep up with the video guitar player. nice. it was inches from his feet and he never saw the event. oy. she is getting to the spunky stage where she needs even more careful watching...eyeing the couch like a kid drooling through a bakery window. and tonight i opened the gate at the top of the stairs, leaned down to pick her up, and WHOOSH! she was gone...bounding down the stairs. i almost plotzed. of course it could only have happened to me...my husband has filed that away like an IOU marker in case Something happens on HIS watch. double oy with a side of lox. okay, now back to other stuff. apparently Thanksgiving dinner was soo very entertaining to my cubbyfarm mates that they were squealing in glee to hear how christmas went. today was my 1st day back. even my boss' boss commented that she wanted to come to my house next year. i told her next year "my house" would, indeed, be "MY house," and it would be a quieter, gentler holiday season. y'all need to concentrate REAL REAL hard....i bought lotto tickets for fri (my birthday) and sat. this is the last chance for the Universe to prove the law of attraction a/k/a The Secret theory. no lotto win, then bushwack to the theory. that's my theory. and if i win, i will share with all who post or email me that they promise promise to concentrate. that way it will prove that YOU TOO will be proving your own law of attraction. see how neat and tidy that is? i am currently filled to exploding with spaghetti & meatballs, and don't feel very much like writing any more tonight. in fact, my knees are the size of a Beluga whale head, due to inactivity. just sitting and staring at the dog. i need to power walk or something. maybe just buy larger knee socks. i'm terrified that i'll become this gi-normous caricture of myself that no one will recognize. of course, then i think of my friend from 911 who works out 2 times a day and only has lettuce in her fridge and gets nervous when you invite her somewhere food related. not a bad day today - only 2 people hung up on me, and they were people that i wanted to hang up on anyway. 2 people were exceptionally nice, to the point that they restored my faith in the inherent goodness of people who become so frustrated that they abuse and swear and the hapless customer service person who draws the short karmic straw and answers the phone to their verbal vomit. one of these 2 actually called back demanding MY supervisor. he wanted to say that although he "thought the company and all the medical so-called professionals involved in it sucked the big salami," he thought i was "the best thing that ever happened to them and i should get a raise." now isn't that a heart-warmer? ahh the spirit of Christmas afterglow. so tomorrow is my big 5-0, and i couldn't be happier! i can't decide if i'm going to end up living in the southwest in an adobe house, not shaving my legs, having long grey braids (on my head) with feathers and bits in it and wearing only Blue Fish clothing, or if i'll be one of those women who finally get to dress the way they wanted to in the 70's & 80's.....above-the-knee suede boots (i own some) with tights and a long sweater and a big honkin' canadian hockey player/ lesbian mullet. it wavers. for now, i'll stay disguised as a part time stepmom who can only fit into Bill Blass jeans and tells stories about the glory days of the 60's and 80's to the kids. well, i'm getting that carbo-nod on, and i smell poo somewhere in my studio, so i better go. see ya on the other side of the hill! L.

survivorwoman...the series

so i have a new idea for a TV series...since "reality" shows are all the rage...take an average, normal, reasonable woman and put her in oh, say, a family holiday situation. make sure the in-laws are coming/not coming/coming after all/coming after all with guests. be sure to give her a fabulous roast to cook - 1/2 her grocery budget roast. but the roast is only big enough to feed the original invitees, which didn't include the in-laws in the first place. what fun! it'll be a hit, in much the same way Thelma & Louise remains, to this day, a classic. it'll be a hoot....a nutty classic! sponsored by Lunesta and Prozac. aaaaanyway. the kids got me a 360-degree swivel vise that suctions on to any flat surface! a Craftsman, no less! and our invisible maid, Consuela, gave me a set of Fiestaware measuring bowls! i love the hell out of them. i am so easy to please. and amuse. i had insisted that my surprise birthday party be my christmas gift from the husband this year. so my friend, RaeLynn, from Houston is hysterical. i keep telling her to get a blog going, but she'd have to hire someone to do it for her. just keeping up with the Society goings-on is a full time job for her. there is not enough pink, frothy fru fru in the world for RaeL. and when she gets "her mad on" about something or someone, best be hitting the door. fast. her annual holiday call..."honey, i am just not sure i can take much more this year..." started off pretty much the same as always. her dream is to be featured in the "Big Hair" edition of Texas Monthly magazine. her husband says he can tell just how angry she is by how big her hair gets. she swears that this year she will need extensions in order to reach the height needed to express her inner rage. it's her way of not knitting her brows together creating an unsightly wrinkle that will further "just doodle up" her schedule by needing a trip to "Dr. Botox." blow drying is her form of meditation, and it sometimes takes a while to reach that inner place that says it's okay to breathe again. we compare in-law stories, and it is beyond her comprehension why i don't just lock the door and let "the help" screen out uninviteds. explaining that I AM the only "help" and that locking the door just doesn't seem like being in the spirit of the holiday, well, it's just a waste of time. she lives differently than most. my most...not her most. how we stay friends is beyond me. nothing in common. not in the same social circle. (hell, my social circle is more like a mobius strip.....the same few people that will put up with me!). and, of course, i hate pink. and especially pink fru fru. i must be her touchstone for how incredibly ordinary things could really become if she doesn't just find a way to cope with all those boring, maddening dinners and events, etc. she certainly is my touchstone, my peek into what happens when excess rules. but she has a heart of titanium, like her AmEx, and is sensitive to truly helping others. and quietly. you will never know when she's greased a wheel, or written a check to help out. it's not about RaeL. at least at those times. so i'm procrasting again...i haven't worked on any art in over a month. i just gessoed a box i want to work on, but that takes, like, 1 second to dry. i can't help but once again be amazed by, and envious of, Gail who calls frequently now....she not only STARTS things, but she FINISHES them...and lots of them. constantly. and works. she must be like Samantha on Bewitched. so my new years resolution? (my new year starts friday).... live life gently but on my terms. take no crap and take no prisoners. neither, make others unhappy with their choices. but don't live by others' choices. that should be enough! oh...and learn how to latin dance. so what's your resolution? share share! L.

poor boo-boo leg...the stiches are hidden by her fur, but they aren't pretty. we are setting up a coleman air mattress in the livingroom tonight so we can all (hopefully) get SOME shuteye. i work tomorrow, but don't plan to stay the full day. they'll understand. i hope. she has begun her campaign of furtive stitch licking. it's a full time job to keep her away. the nurse at the vet ER said to put a small amt of deoderant near the stitches....it tastes so bad they won't lick. my girl will probably think it's candy. bill has been absolutely wonderful....i actually got out of the house for a few quick hours today. i really really needed to. i don't know how people with kids do it...or those that take care of an elderly/sick parent. i just don't know. if i'm honest with myself, i'd like to think i'd rise to the occasion, but it would be a dice roll. diva hasn't seemed interested in going potty all day. her bad leg is her balancing leg for that activity, so she has to figure it out. so as the year winds down, i have to ask myself....am i pleased with this year? have i grown? become a better person in some way? accomplished any goals i set out? i have to say - for the most part - yes. i have grown in a lot of important ways. in others, not so much, but with the growth in some areas, came the awareness of need for growth in others. that's good all around. i've also come to realize that being self-sufficient to a fault can be tiring and just plain selfISH. respecting others' opinions and accepting advice/help doesn't lesson who i am...it enhances the relationship with the other person and offers opportunity for new insight. thank you, angelfriend, for believing in me with more intensity than i believed in myself. your hand has pulled me up to a new level of vision. i thank all of my friends for walking beside me this past year. for not running past, and not slowing down. i hope i have been as good a friend to you as you have been to me....each of you deserves to have a friend as good to you as you have been to me. (yes - it's hard to follow but you know what i mean). so as i get ready to close out one the most enlightening, magnificent years of my life, i am also realizing what a whining bitch i can be! perfectionist, OCD-ish, ADD-ish....ahh, you go through the alphabet! i guess i have my work cut out for next year! but what a ride, eh? i hope you all understand the magnitude of my gratitude to you. truly...deeply...indebtedly...thankful. blessed. at night, i replay the day (over & over & over!) and try to focus on the Moments. the things said & done, and left unsaid & undone, that have been brought through my day, and i realize more and more that i am one of the luckiest people around, living the best life. not a perfect life, but for me, what is good & right. i expect some changes to come this next year....some very big, some internal, as i continue my journey. i'm nervous and excited, and welcome it all, knowing there's cool water to drink along the way, warm sun on my face, and friends to fill my soul. thank you....to the moon and back, my friends. L

what day is it???

so much fun we had last night...the palace novelty wore off about 5 minutes after i got all snugly tucked in for the night...short version - i slept (?) on the floor outside the palace door. whenever diva imagined i might be moving to get up, a banshee howl erupted, complete with chin-up full-blown wolf pose. not that i COULD move....i am old...my bones were not made for floor flopping at this stage of the game. so around 1 or 2am, we seemed to need a potty run. the wee-wee pads were not doing the trick. short version (you can tell how tired i am because i am actually telling a short version) - outside...nothing. we played statues. it was a ploy. back upstairs. nothing doing with the palace, so i said fuggetaboutit...there is NO WAY she'd try to jump waaay up on the bed. i'll just stay awake till she falls asleep (which seemed do-able since i had just frozen my nipples off outside. she seemed to be asleep. i did fall asleep. briefly. then my ear told my brain to wake the hell up...there was an Unusal Sound. barfing? possible. nope....licking. stitch licking to be precise. and she was having none of my stern NO NO's...meeting them with a desperate and serious growl that told me it would be at least 2 fingers gone in this battle. i figured if she was growling & staring me down, then she couldn't be licking, so we engaged. who tired first? who knows. she licked my face and oh-so-casually walked past me, then scuttled like a crab under the bed. this was a situation i hadn't planned for at all....unthinkable. she just pushed her battered body under that little area with her good leg, and pulled with her front paws like a friggin little Marine at bootcamp with the devil chasing her. had i not been just standing there gaping, i still wouldn't have been able to stop her, as the only thing available to latch onto was the boo-boo leg dragging behind her. shit. then the nightlight blew out, on cue, as if diva had booby-trapped it and was saying Now Go Away. silence. as i was trying to carefully feel my way to the outlet behind the hamper to plug in the light retrieved from the bathroom, i hear Lick Lick Lick. i don't even KNOW how she was able to shape shift enough to get her little head in position to reach her stitches, but she did. so i made an early date with PetSmart and decided i'd done all a mom could do....i was going to crawl into my warm cozy soft bed for a few hours...did i mention there a wicked draft that comes up the stairs and across the very floor i was sleeping on? did i mention that by the time i decided to catch a few zzz's in the warm cozy soft bed that it was now 6:30am? so just as i was getting to na-na land, scream! howl! armageddon! she wants out from under the bed, but hadn't planned that far in advance. no amount of coaxing would convince her, however (God forgive me) a small piece of bambi liver held just out of reach was just the inspiration she needed. outside again, 4 medicines (to be taken with food, which she won't eat since it's D-O-G food), then i needed a shower. a long hot steaming shower. with a cigarette and a cup of coffee. all in the hot steaming shower. and maybe a christmas cookie. screw it - some rum. balls. no - just rum. i wake the husband up and charge him with watching her every move...."do NOT take your eyes off her for a second. not ONE second. treat her like a federal witness. give me 15 minutes." i hear the dishes being washed a few minutes later, throw on my robe and peek down the stairs to see diva licking her leg with no chaperone. more screeching - this time from me. much pounding of walls and specific and gory threats. i shower. ahhh. dutiful dog & husband sit at the bottom of stairs. so he's out buying a no-lickie lampshade thingie and some Pill Pockets so we can give her the one medicine that's a HUGE capsule....she licks the baby food off and drops the pill. or eats the cheese from around it and leaves a pile of powder on the floor. we have decided that a kitty is in order once she has healed sufficiently. she just loves having something 4-legged around. and she loves kitties. i do too, but was afraid of all the extra work. i'm guessing the playmate aspect of it will outweigh the litterbox aspect. even in her pain & extreme urgency to get out of the vet's office yesterday, she stopped to say goodbye to Perry Perry Pumpkinhead. such a good girl. well, hope for the best & have a cocoa for me tonight. i can get used to the banshee cries (snort - yeah right) but having to be alert for the licking/biting of stitches is just too much. the lampshade will resolve that. although i know in my heart of hearts that she has a way to bamboozle that too. L

we're home

i missed her so much last night! now she's home.....her leg is shaved from the hip down....large, scary stitches the length...her front paw is shaved from the IV. the nurse said she was good...put up a fuss about getting a bath (a bath???) at first, but then just relaxed against her. my girl. she screams in pain whenever she tries to move tht leg and i get all throat-lumpy. she hasn't made an attempt to move from the palace yet (kennel), but i am sure not looking forward to the potty breaks. i suspect she isn't either. i put some leftover wee-wee pads out, in case she'd like to give them a go, but Kita used to avoid them studiously...didn't want to mess up the "new carpet," so he'd go right next to them. the biggest thing is to keep her from licking or biting the stitches. hadn't thought of that. otherwise....lampshade time. and THAT will go over like a turd in a punchbowl. i'm hoping she has a little sleepy meds left in her for a good night's sleep tonight. the surgeon is AWESOME. he is all about the pets. he went over the the aftercare instructions in detail BEFORE the surgery, and made sure he was satisfied that i would be able to after-care for her. he said there was no point to putting her through surgery if the followup wasn't going to be possible. now that is a vet i can recommend. he is totally into Lance Armstrong....his courage, persistance, etc...has posters framed all over the place. he bikes too. so if anyone has connections & can get Lance to call or send an autographed anything to Dr. Bookbinder in Canastota, NY....pls have at it! i've started my connection campaign. so in 2 weeks she gets her stitches out, but still no walks for 10-12 weeks. no up on the couch. no stairs. just r&r. for her. she slept when we got home, and i read my book next to the palace. my hips are screaming from the bend! am taking suggestions for good books...done with one, and 1/2 way through another (paulo coelho...the pilgrimage). so back to nurse duty. my poor diva. she did not deserve this. one bit. L.

diva update

so today was the big day....surgery. she was not happy about going Somewhere New in the car...that could only mean trouble. yip, yowl, screech in my ear the entire 50 minutes. when we got there, she put the brakes on big time. this vet's practice is primarily a surgical practice. you have an appt time for drop-off, and you are the only one in the waiting room. so much less stress for the dog. while we were waiting (and diva was trying to dig out of the glass door), Perry Perry Pumpkinhead came skulking around the desk to check out the new arrival. diva caught sight, and it was l-o-v-e. of course Perry toyed with her...sitting nicely, then batting diva's nose as she moved in for a kisseroo. then perry hid behind the christmas tree. oh boy. diva just HAD to follow. i let her...after all, she just wanted to be friends. best friends. engaged. she loved perry perry. diva does not understand that cats do not get to know each other in the same manner as dogs...there is no mutual bottom sniffing in the cat world. just a few measured looks, maybe a hiss or 2. but diva thinks she's a cat, living by dog rules. so that was a distraction for a moment. anyway, she got out of surgery around 5pm and was doing good, they said...still coming out of the anesthesia. they have a 24-hour nurse that stays and monitors them. if she seems like a stitch-licker/biter, then she'll have to wear the dreaded lampshade. in which case, i don't know HOW we'll get her in the kennel. oh - the kennel. well, she's not allowed to jump up or down for 12 weeks. and since our bed is a jump up, then a 2am jump down, then a 3am jump up, i figured the best way to protect her from herself was a kennel-cratey thing. so i bought the medium-sized one...big enough for her to get up and move around, but not so big that we need to put an addition on the house. she verbally bitch-slapped me the entire time i was putting it together. once her woobie and b-o-n-e were installed, she waltzed right in, sat right down, and said, "is good, ya?" i left the door and her options open last night, and she preffered her palace. stayed there all night. got up ths morning and went out to tinkle, then came right to the stairs to wait for a carry up, and went right back in. whew! i thought THAT would be a battle. we'll see how she does with the door closed tomorrow. she's a dog who likes options. she may be spending a lot of time ensconsed there, according to the vet. i guess they remove the torn ligament, then use surgical polyester to re-attach the bones. it's actually the scar tissue that holds it all together, so that's why the immobilization....sort of like waiting for glue to dry before you move a part....a very slow drying glue. i miss her so much, and hope she's doped up enough to not miss me or worry. she's a dog prone to worry...her little brows always knit together. anyway, i have to be in very early to work tomorrow in order to make up time from today....and a mtg at 8am no less. yuk. at least our mtgs are productive and fun. and involve food! my butt is getting huge! too much nosh. ok so shower time. thank you all for your prayers - keep them coming...the fun starts tomorrow! Linda

hey guys! this will probably be my last post for a week or so...i know, i say that a lot! anyway, i suspect dog duty and holiday fun fun fun will be overtaking my life for the next bunch-o-days, so i wish you all happy holidays, a fantastic, wonder-filled new year to create your life in, and much much treasure-filled moments! i'll try to update soon! hey! 1week and 1 day till my BIRTHDAY! yippee!! linda

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"- Mary Oliver