what day is it???

so much fun we had last night...the palace novelty wore off about 5 minutes after i got all snugly tucked in for the night...short version - i slept (?) on the floor outside the palace door. whenever diva imagined i might be moving to get up, a banshee howl erupted, complete with chin-up full-blown wolf pose. not that i COULD move....i am old...my bones were not made for floor flopping at this stage of the game. so around 1 or 2am, we seemed to need a potty run. the wee-wee pads were not doing the trick. short version (you can tell how tired i am because i am actually telling a short version) - outside...nothing. we played statues. it was a ploy. back upstairs. nothing doing with the palace, so i said fuggetaboutit...there is NO WAY she'd try to jump waaay up on the bed. i'll just stay awake till she falls asleep (which seemed do-able since i had just frozen my nipples off outside. she seemed to be asleep. i did fall asleep. briefly. then my ear told my brain to wake the hell up...there was an Unusal Sound. barfing? possible. nope....licking. stitch licking to be precise. and she was having none of my stern NO NO's...meeting them with a desperate and serious growl that told me it would be at least 2 fingers gone in this battle. i figured if she was growling & staring me down, then she couldn't be licking, so we engaged. who tired first? who knows. she licked my face and oh-so-casually walked past me, then scuttled like a crab under the bed. this was a situation i hadn't planned for at all....unthinkable. she just pushed her battered body under that little area with her good leg, and pulled with her front paws like a friggin little Marine at bootcamp with the devil chasing her. had i not been just standing there gaping, i still wouldn't have been able to stop her, as the only thing available to latch onto was the boo-boo leg dragging behind her. shit. then the nightlight blew out, on cue, as if diva had booby-trapped it and was saying Now Go Away. silence. as i was trying to carefully feel my way to the outlet behind the hamper to plug in the light retrieved from the bathroom, i hear Lick Lick Lick. i don't even KNOW how she was able to shape shift enough to get her little head in position to reach her stitches, but she did. so i made an early date with PetSmart and decided i'd done all a mom could do....i was going to crawl into my warm cozy soft bed for a few hours...did i mention there a wicked draft that comes up the stairs and across the very floor i was sleeping on? did i mention that by the time i decided to catch a few zzz's in the warm cozy soft bed that it was now 6:30am? so just as i was getting to na-na land, scream! howl! armageddon! she wants out from under the bed, but hadn't planned that far in advance. no amount of coaxing would convince her, however (God forgive me) a small piece of bambi liver held just out of reach was just the inspiration she needed. outside again, 4 medicines (to be taken with food, which she won't eat since it's D-O-G food), then i needed a shower. a long hot steaming shower. with a cigarette and a cup of coffee. all in the hot steaming shower. and maybe a christmas cookie. screw it - some rum. balls. no - just rum. i wake the husband up and charge him with watching her every move...."do NOT take your eyes off her for a second. not ONE second. treat her like a federal witness. give me 15 minutes." i hear the dishes being washed a few minutes later, throw on my robe and peek down the stairs to see diva licking her leg with no chaperone. more screeching - this time from me. much pounding of walls and specific and gory threats. i shower. ahhh. dutiful dog & husband sit at the bottom of stairs. so he's out buying a no-lickie lampshade thingie and some Pill Pockets so we can give her the one medicine that's a HUGE capsule....she licks the baby food off and drops the pill. or eats the cheese from around it and leaves a pile of powder on the floor. we have decided that a kitty is in order once she has healed sufficiently. she just loves having something 4-legged around. and she loves kitties. i do too, but was afraid of all the extra work. i'm guessing the playmate aspect of it will outweigh the litterbox aspect. even in her pain & extreme urgency to get out of the vet's office yesterday, she stopped to say goodbye to Perry Perry Pumpkinhead. such a good girl. well, hope for the best & have a cocoa for me tonight. i can get used to the banshee cries (snort - yeah right) but having to be alert for the licking/biting of stitches is just too much. the lampshade will resolve that. although i know in my heart of hearts that she has a way to bamboozle that too. L