blessed

so yesterday i stopped in at the scrapbook store near my house to pick up my finished book from the altered book round robin. the round robin was 2 years ago, but the woman who had mine got busy. not a problem, and actually a blessing...i'd forgotten how amazing the pages were....as i looked at each person's work in my book, it was so moving. my topic was "nature," and i'd written a short story about a walk i'd taken early one morning with my diva, and put that on the inside cover for inspiration. each page was amazing...the interpretation of the story...what each person saw in their minds as they read the lines...the book is one of my Treasures. the woman working at the shop is my favorite...so grounded and certain of herself...a guide to those of us following close behind. we talked about my upcoming birthday and what 50 is all about. another woman was in the store, and it was a conversation between 3 kindred spirits...all nearing or past that milepost...how the approach was worse from a distance - at 45, it seemed that 50 was the end of the road. at 47, we tried to dig our feet in like a Flinstone brake assembly and began to truly fear "getting old." 50! it just seemed that only our mothers were ever 50. now as i am just weeks away, i look back on the past year and all that has happened in my soul, in my spirit, and i am excited. we 3 laughed that after 50, you no longer had to shave your legs. and i realized that there was such a feeling of freedom to just be myself...to just Be...that has evolved this past year. my friend said she felt like she became invisible in society at 50...no longer a childbearer, no longer part of the youthful crowd, an old maid. the invisibilty part - maybe to an extent...to the extent as you let it happen. but with a grain of that in my head, perhaps that's where the freedom comes from. no longer needing to impress/attract a mate (even if i were single), comfortable in my own skin - no matter how stretched and sagging and wrinkled it may be, trusting myself to know my likes/dislikes. it all wavers of course, because i AM still ME! but i feel settled... in a good way. not stuck-in-a-rut settled, but centered-settled. and if it took me 50 years to get here, it was worth the ride. the woman in the shop said people see her grey hair and think that everything she has to say is a pearl of wisdom. except, of course, her kids. they think she's too old to have kept up with the fast-paced new world. just wait, she says. she speaks her mind and doesn't stand on formality. she's had enough years to develop the skills of her interests. i am feeling much the same. do i miss my youthful body and face? sometimes i do. but not to the extent that i mourn for it and buy creams and lotions and doctors to try to reverse the clock. what i have been given inside is far too precious to bother about the wrapping it comes in. i ask for comfortable clothes that keep me warm in the winter, cool in the summer, are moderately stylish. i don't need to wear mini-skirts and things cut down to there or up to here. or uncomfortable high heels. or a 20-minute "beauty" routine. my grandma used to say " beauty is only skin deep, but ugly is to the bone." thanks gram. you always spoke your mind. so i'm excited about the coming year of my life, and feel truly awed and blessed by the gifts i have been given this past year...gifts of knowledge of myself. ahhhh. L