i thought hard about deleting the last post...i almost hit the delete button a few times, in fact. but left it. it seemed too, hmmm, personal and peepshow, but you know, i've always been right out there with things...good and bad...and i remember one day reading a post on another blog by someone i didn't know, and my eyes bugged out...it was like "You have peeked into my heart." up til then, i had been following blogs that all seemed to be written by people with Perfect Lives. this or that was so fabulous, and their partner was so incredible, and even the dog could speak spanish and change diapers. and i felt like a loser, to an extent. my dog might EAT the diapers, but never change them, and things in my life were good, but never quite as shiny as these electronic lives. and i began to wonder what was wrong with me...why do other people look at spilled milk and come up with a new painting technique that they copyright, lecture on, write books about, and make 1.5 million dollars off of...and i just get pissed because spilled milk meant 1 more thing to clean up. and then i read this blog by a woman who just rambled about her day-to-day and it felt so real and comforting to know i wasn't the only one who had great days, and days you circle on the calendar to avoid next year. so i said to myself that if i ever started a blog, i would pretty much lay it all on the table (while presenting myself in the best light, of course) and only hold things back if they were beyond boring, or if they were gossipy and hateful. i think i've been true to that so far. call me on it if i'm wrong. so the post stays. and while the family meeting goes on tonight, say a prayer for me...or perhaps for everyone else at the table! do y'all remember the show Designing Women? remember how the Dixie Carter character used to go off on a rant and a tear? well, i'm afraid that from time to time, i accidentally channel her, rather than the girl with no mouth, and the results are often quite traumatic for those involved. see, when i run out of my own big words, i make some up. and that makes it hard to follow just what you are getting your ass kicked for. i guess i may count on the confusion, in all honesty. i may just stay upstairs. but leave the baby monitor on & hidden. oh shush - like you wouldn't. so that's the bare facts of it all. stay tuned...more drama at 11. L.