tonight's tea: Eastern Shores Honey Lemon...warm, soothing, more honey-ish than lemon-y...perfect for the day...the day after the stepson came home with failing grades and chaos surrounding him yet again...a day in which i spent an hour on a cell phone with the exwife of stepson's father, crying together in separate stores while the cacophony of carols and cash registers covered the sounds of frustration and pain and realizing a new chapter in this convoluted extended family is at hand...with a child out of control and bent on destruction - his own and those around him...a day when no one really knew what to do and emotions were as raw as the december temperatures...it is a good tea to have tonight as hopes of continued college and trips to europe have been rescinded and financial losses tallied...and all the bobbing and weaving and lies are thin thinner thinnest...and even so there are still threads of hopefulness that this excuse or explanation may be plausible. as for me, today i lit my Hope's Flame candle fresh from Santa's bag...the one with "intention:" written on the chalkboard surrounding the cedar & sandalwood, and as i pondered my intention for the coming year, i realized it would be "authenticity." yes...that over-used word of 2009...a word i've thrown around a lot, myself...but this time, this time, i am promising my tender self to Live True to my self...or, as Swirly says - my core values. to not be defined by other people's behavior and to disassociate myself, if necessary, with people who do not share those core values. and of course, i mean those closest to me...those who share my name, but perhaps not my journey. it should be an interesting few weeks, as a family pow wow with the halves and ex's and steps all convene for a line-in-the-sand meeting around my diningroom table. i'm looking forward to 2 weeks with 4-day weekends. now...to knit. it makes sense. L.