up to my elbows in bubbles

last night i did dishes till late...cleaning up after the block party. (YES i do SOME domestic things). tradion has somehow held that the tables are dragged to my house after the party, and i throw out, organize, and re-find the homes for the various bowls and dishes that used to contain pasta salad and strawberries filled with cream cheese & sugar. it gives me a chance to smile, remembering moments from the evening. today, the steppers arrived for brunch with their respective Important Persons, and left a pile of dishes and plates and pans and leftovers to be rinsed and washed. i am pleased to say husband took this on. and it gave me time to re-read a few pages of jen lee's book, Fortunes. and i never made it past the first entry. it echoed my sentiments today, and for the past few months. the piece is entitled "You Write To The Fence," and you have to buy the book to find out why it's so powerful. but i have been envisioning those Russian nesting dolls, and onions lately. how you peel away layer after layer, and it's all good (maybe a few tears) but wach one is it's own seperate, complete unit (or slice) but that there's still more to discover. and (in the case of the dolls)you think This Is It. but then you continue and continue, and even though the dolls are shrinking, in real life you are growing. i don't believe there is one true authentic self. i believe that as you travel through your life, you reach a point - and that's your true authentic self for that time. then you continue journeying, and that self doesn't seem right anymore, so you are on to the next layer. but they are all dependant on one another...the smaller dolls need the larger ones around it in order to be the thing they are - nesting dolls. so a part of you is always in a part of the others. and there is that core of Self that is You. and that travels the journey with you. and all this is leading somewhere...i'm not sure where, but i feel something new coming...i feel it in my art...in my spirit...in my choices - even in the past week. i will probably always swear too much, and be too loud at times, and too quiet other times. but i will also be taking care of myself more in future tangents. and expecting more from the ones i hold close...not always being the one to call or email, but sometimes expecting to be called first, or emailed first. even though it gives me as much pleasure to check in, as it does to be checked on. i believe this settling and unsettling is felt by those around me and was mostly the reason for a peaceful brunch with the steppers, for a change. expecting the best behavior from everyone, and gently correcting as one stepped onto The Usual path. and everyone, including the dog, rose to the occasion. and much cholesterol was consumed. and now there are soap bubbles twinkling iridecent in the light. time to enjoy an excellent nap. mazel tov. L.