pulling weeds and setting down roots

this has been an amazing month. after making the decision to break free from my life-as-we-know it, i expected to feel the chaos and torment that i usually do, and end up turning back and resuming the same old. but not so much this time. not at all, in fact. i feel centered, grounded, and at peace. i don't feel the need to stay on the phone for hours "trying out" ideas with friends. i just have a quiet certainty that this is the right direction. now the hard part: wait. rather than impulsively dive head first into the direction i know is right, i feel a hand on my shoulder gently nudging me one baby step, then wait, baby step, then wait. wait for what? clear direction on the next step. much like someone climbing a mountainside with a buddy rope, i feel i must wait until i see where to place my foot. this is new to me. this feels good. and while i wait, i see weeds being pulled around me...relationships that are weedy seem to dissolve. rather than the angry, nasty tossing aside of friendships or clothes that don't fit or outgrown supplies, instead there is a gentle wave goodbye. my neighbor had sent me an email earlier in the year stating that she didn't have time for our friendship any longer. now that it's spring, the neighbors are all out chatting and walking kids and dogs. i called her to see if she wanted to take a quick walk with me and Diva...just to establish a friendly, neighborly comfort. not to re-engage in our full out friendship (which was destructive to us both). she declined then re-emailed me and got nasty in telling me that we could wave from a distance but that was it. normally i would just let it slide and feel torn inside. instead, i replied with what my intention had been, and closed the chapter on that relationship. other things, too have been pushed aside, so that it is truly clear that my journey will take me from this house. and in accepting these things, other opportunities have arisen that astound me. i have been invited to participate in an art show in LA. now y'all know that something like that would include months of inspirationless hand-wringing and angst and feelings of unworthiness. this time - nope. i have a few ideas and need to sort out which one to do. not TOO MANY as usual, not TOO FEW as other-usual. and i know i have come to a place where, hell yeah, i'm worthy, and able. and what's worthy?? 'splain? so my prayer is for a nice little house for me and Diva, with studio space, and ridiculously affordable. i have my eye on a place, and am hoping the current people just move. stunning to me - i qualify for a great mortgage, and have some phenomonal women in my life helping me - realtor, mortgage person etc. i'm not sure i want the burden of a motgage, but will weigh it out when the need arises. my job...well...not so good. stable and secure. but it is my challenge right now. and after watching a particularly well crafted TV ad last night, i realized that i would love to make my career that of an advocate. i'm good at it. it's what i do. ever since beating up Steven on the kickball court when i was 8 years old. i'm in it for the underdog. or the underserved. or those who feel they have no voice. that's the part of my job i love now. it's all the pushback and documentation i sure could live without. so that's my update. in short: Life is good. got the t-shirt to prove it! xox Linda