a Tiny description

a full time artist, stepmother, radio personality, and mom to an energetic Chug dog, tries to get through the days without committing a felonious act. My life is a rickety Zen circus.

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Thursday, May 28, 2009

pinball brain

if you are new to this blog, i invite you to take a minute and start at the very beginning post...it puts it all in perspective. as if i've ever had perspective! now. Conversation with the cat: Pearl: what is that? Me: a book. Pearl: what's a book? Me: you read it and learn stuff Pearl: oh. (pause) Pearl: what's "read?" Me: it's like when you use your nose to sniff, but instead i use my eyes. Pearl: that is so weird. it went on forever. till even the dog got sick of it and told her to shut up. now. yes. we are all calling in sick one day next week. i had nothing to do with orchestrating that. except maybe planted the seed in an obscure sort of wishful way. who knew that 78 calls and 2 hours later, Other People would suddenly see the beauty of it? who knew they would latch onto my words like a titanic liferaft and daydream the very same possibilities that i had? daily. for a year. who knew? my job, in case you're catching up, is to get yelled at all day. on the phone. and then repay the favor by giving people their money back (and sometimes more) for any real or perceived infraction or loss. today, i surpassed all wonder: i engaged in an email conversation with a man who declared himself dead 3 years ago, thinking it would just make the bills we were sending him die also. au contraire. he steadfastly told any/all who called and wrote him that he had been deceased for 2 years prior. i expressed that i was glad to see he was doing better, healthwise, and would need him to provide me with a declaration of some sort (raised seal intact) of his resurrection in order for me to speak with him. if he was, indeed, him. due to federal HIPPA laws, and all. federal jail time just isn't the same now that Martha's home. the reply, as expected, was a hearty "F*&^ OFF." i suspect it was him after all, given that the tone of the email pretty much matched the previous few years worth of notes from Beyond. so in the midst of this Stuff i deal with for pay, i had to wonder, Who Else would put up with this for a day? beside me and my co-worker Gummyfriend. (we have nicknames). no one. no one else could take this abuse for 8 hours and then return again and again, like kicked dogs to the shoe. and i can't say i mind it, but the red tape that is involved in answering a simple complaint (as if any of them are simple) is just boggling. the boss rolls her eyes when she sees me cueing up for comment in our meetings. after i make it clear (again) that i have opted out of the bonus plan (that no one ever attains) and could care less about their reports and numbers and goals, and after i remind them that i am a person and not a "skillset," after all that preamble, i once again repeat that i was hired to do a job that i am damn good at, and will not take time to justify my 8 hours ad nauseam in 15 different databases. that if the report-readers were not smart enough to all look in 1 spot, i did not have the time or patience to pander to overpaid idiots. she began scheduling meetings on my days off. they went quicker, but were lacking. at least that was the report. now they've made me retuen fulltime, so be careful what you wish for. i just can't get fired....it's like Groundhog Day with Bill Murray. lord knows i try. of course now that i NEED the actual income to support myself, it'll probably crash. (don't listen God, no negative thoughts - safe place safe place). well, as usual, a fitting tribute and ending to a perfectly usual day ....time to go clean up dog yark. good night y'all..see you at the kirtan! xoxlinda

2 comments:

Spiral Bettie said...

I like conversations with the animals. Snow White would be proud.

L said...

and Dr. Doolittle!