fluffy kitty and so long

so the sign over our dryer now warns you to check for cats before closing door. there should be duplicate signs on the washer, dishwasher, closets, fridge...anything that can open. no the cat did NOT go around and around, i was emptying at the time. ***so the past year has been one of frantic self-examination, trying to figure out Who Am I now in this portion of my life? i say "frantic" because rather than sitting back and trying to reason it out, i've been trying it out for size...do i like xc skiing? am i a smoker? best suited for single life? what about fill-in-the-blank. and then taking those pieces and trying to make a picture of something familiar. experiences mirrored back in friends' faces...relationships kept, and those left behind. taking the pieces of these and looking for a familiar comparison to be able to say Ah-Ha! i remind me of so-and-so. it's a strange place...one day volatile and moody, another perky and happy...as hormones ebb and overflow...realizations dawn...day-to-day needs tending. and certainly to keep everything in perspective. and i know it sounds like all i do is hang out with myself all day thinking thoughts about myself-my-wonderful-self, but the truth is very different. one of the things i learned about myself is that i care deeply about my friends. i wish the very most incredible best for them, and will do whatever i can (if needed) to help that happen. and not for a thank you or pat on the back or an emotional IUO. there are a lot of things that have been done on your behalf that you don't know a thing about. but for all my seeming shallowness and drama-du-jour at times, i care so much about my friends. it's sometimes difficult for me to express it in person, so i sometimes fill our face time with wordswordswords...if i keep talking, you won't go, and i like being here with you so much. that type of thing. as i've said before, i started this blog to try to express my feelings of grief over losing my best friend, Kita. and as that grief guided me through the next phase of my life and became a sweet remembrance, i grew with it, and shared that freely. i've always written my thoughts and happenings as if i was writing a personal letter to each of my friends. that's just what came naturally. and some days i was feeling all Earthwoman, and some days just plain cranky and Earthworm, and i let that be. i tried to share things i've learned and things i've experienced. and sometimes, i wondered if i shared too much...me, ever the constant communicator. (no wonder i get paid to talk!). i am again questioning the purpose of this blog at this point. to use it as an emotional barf, or to just post nice pictures, or share frustrations & Good Things seems a bit self-centered and, frankly, boring for you. to just write all the good parts and leave out the burnt part is unacceptable to me, and should be to you, as well. where's the happy medium? and why do i even write this blog? i have no ETSY shop to promote, and most of you contact me by email anyway. my immortality is assured by the graffiti i wrote on a wall in 9th grade, so it isn't that. so i think i'll take some time and retool and rethink. decide if what i have to say and share is worth the time to post it. i guess i thank you, D, for your email because it made me wonder all this stuff. so y'all...bye for a while. please continue to email me, or i'll surely get way too lonely! and That can only lead to Trouble! xox L.