speaking of courage....

this menopause stuff is not for sissies, let me tell you. i spent half the day yesterday weeping and griping at my husband, then the rest of the day feeling absolutely like a rotten shrew for weeping and griping at my husband. now, neither of us is without our weak points, but on the issues of the day - my reactions and responses were off the grid. so today, our anniversary, i left for work and he left for a week out of town on business. of course, i felt all upset about that, but also relieved that we would have time to take neutral corners for a while. can you imagine how i felt when the hugest bouquet of flowers arrived at my cube? with a note asking me to marry him? with sunflowers (my favorite), stargazer lilies (his favorite), 7 roses (our 7th anniv.) and other stuff? hopefully the baby's breath was just filler, and not indicative of any phone messages from my gyn that i may have missed! oy. and the weight gain in the worst places - well, as if ANY place is ok. and the never knowing when/if your period will just pop on by for a quick hello. and the fatigue. i could go on and on. to think this was what i spent all those years looking forward to after the shine wore off the whole GETTING your period thing. remember when girls you knew started getting their period? it was like some sort of special club. you'd wait and almost hope for your turn to clutch your stomach and beg off gym class. after a few months of that, it was no fun. no fun. and after a few years of that, you just looked forward to the day when it would just END. well, it comes with a few strings attached. and getting past that initial year or so is no easy thing for some. myself included. i go back to the gyn in a few weeks and will demand some sort of how-to book or manual or something. a group. a website. whatever. but give me good info and give me advice on how to make it through with the least amount of damage done to friends and family and self. most days it isn't even a thought. but on those days when the hot flashes are set on "hell" and i'm in my own private summer, and everyone seems to be standing on my last reserve nerve....that's when i need a menopausal 12-step to show me how. so if you've had to call my number at work in the past week, i do apologize - i really have gone all out to try to be nice. and normal. but it has not been easy. and i may have accidentally disconnected you. it was for your own protection. call again. feel lucky. so now i'm going to hug my Diva because i've been on the phone all night and feel weepy and guity for not playing with her and Pink Bunny (her new stuffed BFF). L.